Focusing on how i look rather than whats being said

[Rubee_J]

I find it merely impossible when my self esteem is at rock bottom to in a social setting actually listen to what somebody is saying and take in the feedback and respond to it . All i focus on is how i appear to them, saying the right thing, looking and sounding right.. and their reaction to what i've said plus whether their feedback is positive to what i've said. If it's not, that's it.. i may aswell give up.

Does anybody have any advice on just focusing on the situation, the content of whats being said and responding to that? Because when i have a low self esteem, i'm going to think about what others are thinking to the point it gets in the way. I have gone in my mind 'Just f***ing listen Jas!' and it's sortof helped.. but not really:/

If anybody has any advice and tips, it would be really really appreciated

[oblivion]

hmm, maybe if it's at a party then you should have a drink before speaking to people. Maybe have a few.

I think just being around other people is good practice for situations like this. The more you do it the easier it gets.

[Cleo]

Even at my age, yes, yes!!!

If I'm projecting the right image, I can cope with any situation and any conversation. This is usually teenage angst, when they are expected to be insecure. I think a woman is always conscious of her appearance at whatever age, though. If, as in my village and those similar to it, they dress in a uniform fashion: fleeces (not that I have anything against fleeces) and the modern day equivalent of the Barbour, they automatically fit in.

If the conversation feedback is not positive, for whatever reason, then most people feel put out. I think I know how you feel: yet another kick in the teeth. Perhaps the most popular and thick-skinned manage to rise above this but I feel it's another nail in the coffin and am reluctant to socialize again, as I am very sensitive.

In the past, I have been told to concentrate on the person I am talking to and forget myself. That can backfire, as they may feel you are being intrusive by asking too many questions. What a minefield!

My mother deplored anyone without a personality. Hence, in spite of being shy, I still feel it's incumbent on me to fill any gap in the conversation.

Theo

[scarlettgirl]

oh god yes, all the time! I am so aware i'm doing it as well, and then mentally telling myself to just LISTEN to what they're saying. >(
I think this gives people the impression we're slow, because we're just not paying attention to the words at all.
I find I can have conversations with people waaay easier when I'm in a car or a setting which doesn't involve direct eye contact at all.