Feel like I've missed out a decade of my life

[Sudoku]

I'm not sure how to describe it, but my brain refuses to accept I'm almost 40 because I didn't really get to live between 27 and now due to not-great events that happened. So I've missed out on of all the things that everyone else my age was doing. My brain thinks everything 'froze' when I was 27, and now that things have calmed down it's continuing from that point as it can't accept that a decade was stolen from me. However weird that sounds (logically, I know I'm not actually 27).

I'm still waiting to go to my graduation ceremony, get engaged/married, buy my first car, 'proper' house, travel, build a career, etc. Dating is really weird, as I'm still physically attracted to the 30 year olds that I would have dated when I was 27. Except I'm 37 now and don't want to date a younger guy. But the 40 year old guys I meet feel like they're my dad!

Has anyone else experienced this weird jarring between where you are physically and where you are in every other aspect of your life?

[choirgirl]

Oh yes. Closer to 20 years of what the **** happened in my case. I mean I achieved a few things but essentially I stagnated, certainly psychologically. Accumulating stuff to mourn about.

[Rocket Spud]

Absolutely, yes! I'm similar age and have been struggling since my teens, especially so from my early 20s til now. I just about managed to fit in with a group of friends up til the point where they started getting serious with girlfriends and moving out, kids, careers, etc. I had awful anxiety issues throughout my 20s and it was just easier to retreat, give up, let it all go etc. and i've been reaping the consequences since i guess... ?

It's all a matter of perspective. I'm a natural outlier so it was never going to be a regular life. How i got to this point makes total sense to me, whether i like it or not is another matter. How you feel about things can change, feelings aren't set in stone but they will linger and repeat if you don't do anything to change. You can suck it up or actually do something about it.

As for dating - i'm no expert, but it sounds like you're after someone of similar age but not of the typical 35-40yr old maturity/whatever. Why not advertise especially to that type of person? They definitely exist and do date.

[Sudoku]

Originally Posted by choirgirl

Oh yes. Closer to 20 years of what the **** happened in my case. I mean I achieved a few things but essentially I stagnated, certainly psychologically. Accumulating stuff to mourn about.

On paper I achieved a lot, but I feel like most of the things I achieved were for other people's benefit. I don't have any of the things that I really cared about. Pleasing my dad was the sole purpose of my life for a very long time. I finally realised that would never happen and quit trying. But I'm left where I am now in limbo.

'Stuff' has never been that important to me. If anything, I'm anti-stuff as the people I grew up around were entirely motivated by having the biggest and best house, cars, clothes, etc above everything else and they were/are some of the most fake, arrogant, 'people' I've ever met. I'm still trying to find a happy medium. Spending money on myself still makes me feel a bit sick though.

[choirgirl]

I don't mean materialistic stuff, although I am somewhat materialistic, but it's nowt to do with biggest and best.
It does sound like you have done a lot, career and whatnot, but I get not having the stuff you really want.