Do you consider yourself attractive & sexually desirable to the opposite sex?

[Ceega]

Originally Posted by GoldFish

I think i'm too generic to decisively say to myself that i'm attractive. I think the attractiveness would come out more in personality. I can't see myself stopping traffic. I really want to look like Andrew W.K or Johnny Depp physically, which would take a few years of bench pressing and skin care. Would need a bit more testosterone and i'd need to listen to math rock and heavy metal.

The problem for me is that i don't know where i stand. I'm not an alpha male. I'm not even a confident male in the sense of what people think of as being confident in terms of being decisive. I just feel like a person with interests and feelings. I don't feel sexy at all, i sometimes feel cool and happy but sexy? seems like something for really fit sports/gym junkie people or something along those lines. i don't really know how to go about meeting women by flaunting myself in a fancy way. This sort of puts me into the corner of being seen as a little asexual, even though i am not. I am a nerdy male who is just mild mannered. Can be fun and funny but for me I feel that the only way i will meet a girl is not through forcing it because i'm rubbish at that whole "going out to find a girlfriend" world at pubs etc that is a popular method of finding someone. I find that girls usually magnetise to the more popular or great looking guys. It's hard doing it that way. I don't feel suited to that lifestyle.

I feel exactly the same.

I have no idea how to initiate a relationship of any kind. Any relationships I've had have resulted from an approach by a woman and a laissez-faire attitude from my end.

[sammmy]

Look for TOWIE/Made In Chelsea forums. There are probably girls on there that are impressed by shiny tin foil. Use some to lure them back to yours.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Peyre

Personally I would go out with an unemployed girl. Now...is this just a gender/society thing? I don't know. I think chemically and naturally, a women may subconciously been swayed away from someone who is unemployed as they may see it as a failure "to provide"...of course there are circumstances. There are highly qualified proffesionals with experience who are unemployed right now. Depression and SA is a valid reason in my mind to explain an employment gap, but then again I firmly believe that chosing to stay in the situation and almost accept that you can never work is a fast way to an early grave.

I like to thing I can think above these animal instincts. We all know what situation the economy is in. I have friends with fantastic degrees who are unemployed. Society is fundementally broken at the moment. We have a directionless youth, who are more interested in fame and making a quick buck than buiding careers.

I think as long as an unemployed guy/girl is showing a willingness to get out of the situation, and isn't resigned to being jobless for-ever. Having a passion to volunteer during unemployment and care about issues in the world shows a massive strength of character.

Or to put it more simply, if a woman said to me or made it clear that my work *or lack there-of* situation was a turn off, then she isn't the sort of person that I deserve or would want to be with. I think we should all have that attitude, lads and lasses alike.

if having a job is important to the woman you are talking to then IRL no woman is going to tell you to your face your lack of employment is a deal breaker.

[unless you portray yourself as someone who's happy being unemployed and not making any efforts to find work or something like that]

the worst i've ever had, was a sad/disapointed looking face when i told her i was currently out of work. then her enthusiasm for convo died pretty quickly and she stopped flirting.


sometimes it can be hard to tell as reactions arn't usually that obvious. i'd say go with your gut. if you tell her you're unemployed and you feel the vibe change then be suspicious she may be one of the ones who holds having a job in high regards.

Originally Posted by We_Hate_You

Exactly, **** those money-grabbing whores! Luckily most people my age (I'm 19) are on JSA anyway so it doesn't make much difference to me, but older women tend to care if you're employed or not. The moral of the story is get yourself a hot 18-year-old who's easily impressed.

Originally Posted by wlien

Where can we find this hot 18-year-olds who are easily impressed?

i dont think you need to go for 18 olds.
i've looked at several online polls (big ones) and it seems around 50% of women say they would not date someone without a job.

but what people say, and what they actually do when it comes down to the crunch are often different.

if you met a woman you had a connection with IRL and you were studying, or making an effort to find work or doing something with yourself ...then you would probably be able to convert some of that 50% who on paper say they wouldnt date you.

[sammmy]

Ok, if I were to meet a guy and he didn't have a job, that wouldn't bother me, but i'd be curious at to the reasons why. My boyfriend didn't have a job and he has SA, I found that fair enough. Like if it would be fair enough if he was looking for work. But if I were to meet a guy who didn't have a job just because he really couldn't be bothered with one, or scrounged off his folks, that might be different.

I think some people just want as much money coming into the relationship as possible. I've known girls who wouldn't go out with guys who worked in fast food or a cinema or something like that

[Defiance]

i'd rather say i was unemployed then tell a girl i was interested in that i was working in fast food lol.

i'd tell a girl if i was working in retail, but i'd emphasize the point i only mean it to be temporary and have took the just job whilst waiting to get a proper job.

[Ceega]

Ever since finishing university I've been unable to find employment. I do voluntary work, but I almost feel like I'm seen as being part of some sort of sub-class due to unemployment.

[sammmy]

there's no shame in having that kind of job. having any job is something these days. and it shows a willingness , there's like...a dignity in working a *crappy* job.

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Ceega

Ever since finishing university I've been unable to find employment. I do voluntary work, but I almost feel like I'm seen as some sort of sub-class due to unemployment.

I have done speed dating before, and you always get atleast one or two girls who either go into screening mode once they find out you're currently not in work ..."how long have you been out of work for?" , where have you been looking for work? what do you do all day?, don't you get bored at home?, what's your typical day like?"

and you may also get one, who as soon as they learn you're not currently in work they loose all enthusiasm.


but dont worry, only a small percentage of girls act like this.


im not looking forward to it but a mate of mine wants to go speed dating and wants me to go with him, but im really not keen on speed dating tbh but i havent seen him for almost a year so feel bad to refuse him

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by sammmy

there's no shame in having that kind of job. having any job is something these days. and it shows a willingness , there's like...a dignity in working a *crappy* job.

I honestly would feel too embarrassed. especially if she was like some design consultant or manager or something.

[sammmy]

well that's fair enough i guess. the only job i've ever had was in a cinema and i know some people thought "..oh" when i told them that's what i did, but **** em. i felt proud of myself for working and being self reliant..

[Ceega]

I know you say you're not too keen on it, but what was speed dating like? Was it worth the experience?

[sammmy]

Originally Posted by mark101

Some might say i should be looking for a partner with the same issues but i wonder if thats healthy or is it better to be with a socially outgoing person who will encourage more socialable habits?.

i can only speak from experience, my ex was outgoing and it ended up causing too much conflict and arguments. i think people can only be understanding to a certain point with SA. sadly. he thought i was being selfish when i wouldn't go places or see people, he had that "get over it" attitude a lot of people have.

[Ceega]

Originally Posted by sammmy

i can only speak from experience, my ex was outgoing and it ended up causing too much conflict and arguments. i think people can only be understanding to a certain point with SA. sadly. he thought i was being selfish when i wouldn't go places or see people, he had that "get over it" attitude a lot of people have.

Same thing happened to me. Almost had an argument every day because of her: "well I can do it" attitude.

[Tom123]

^I have no tin foil but I do have a wizards hat made out of paper? It that enough to impress some ladies?

[socialanxietyjohn]

I like the fact everyone on here seems to be having conversations with the opposite sex to give out all this advice.
Meeting a girl/woman who would even give me the time of day is nigh on impossible.

[sammmy]

i dunno, how's it's going to shield against mind controlling waves if it's not made out of tin foil..?

[Defiance]

Originally Posted by Ceega

I know you say you're not too keen on it, but what was speed dating like? Was it worth the experience?

i am quite introverted.

having a 4 minute convo 20 times with 20 different people tired me out. in the end SA and anxiety got the better of me and at the end, when people go off to the bar and mingle i was unable to due to SA and just made chit chat with some other guy who seemed to be a bit tired out like me....

at the end is where when people go off to mingle is where the real game begins as you have the option to try and stand out and get more than 4 mins..


i think it's worth going if you dont mind spending 20 quid. but i wouldnt get your hopes up getting a date as if the girl is quite pretty then almost every guy will be interested and that is alot of competition.

[Tom123]

Originally Posted by sammmy

i dunno, how's it's going to shield against mind controlling waves if it's not made out of tin foil..?

I have plenty of gypsy tears which should solve that problem.

[Tom123]

Originally Posted by ruthieroo

ladies on the harry potter forums would prob find it rather impressive

Excellent idea. I'll have to be careful though, I heard those sort of forums are full of girls with wizard sleeves.

[The Chosen One]

I can't seem to hold down a stable job. Always something temporary and not permanent. I am actively looking for a permanent job and also studying an accountancy qualification from home. So if a woman suddenly loses interest simply because I do not have a job, then yes I would feel offended.

But then again that's no surprise especially from a guy who has been told by a woman that I have a "nice face". What a ridiculous compliment , I can see right through that.

[sammmy]

i will look upon your treasures, gypsy..

[sammmy]

what's wrong with being told you have a nice face?

[socialanxietyjohn]

Originally Posted by The Chosen One

especially from a guy who has been told by a woman that I have a "nice face"

I can only dream of such a compliment.
AAT is the best course to do re: Accounts BTW

[sammmy]

"you have a nice face" is the type of awkward compliment i would give.

[The Chosen One]

Originally Posted by sammmy

what's wrong with being told you have a nice face?

I see it as a "gentle" let down but also not the truth.

[sammmy]

she was complimenting your appearance, she thought you were good looking.

[sammmy]

Originally Posted by ruthieroo

wots that?

it's a sausage up an alleyway type situation

[The Chosen One]

Originally Posted by socialanxietyjohn

I can only dream of such a compliment.
AAT is the best course to do re: Accounts BTW

I'm doing ACCa and am about a quarter of the way through. Even with that and recent work experience it's not enough to get a job easily

[socialanxietyjohn]

Originally Posted by The Chosen One

I'm doing ACCa and am about a quarter of the way through. Even with that and recent work experience it's not enough to get a job easily

Wow you're going to become a full on accountant.
You will almost certainly get a relationship with kind of money and kudos.

[Tom123]

Originally Posted by ruthieroo

c'mon tomtom educate us

Well..... It's sort of (I'm really clutching at straws here, I really can't think of a better analogy) like putting on a new pair of shoes. The first time it's a bit difficult and it hurts a little to put them on but the more you wear them, the more relaxed they get and the easier it is to put them on. After the shoes have had so many pairs of feet in them they get so easy to put on, you can just slip your feet without any trouble whatsoever. Sometimes so easily that you may forget that you are wearing shoes.