family dinners

Rockysocks · #1 5th January 2017, 03:14

I've posted a few times about my partner's mum, the good thing is I got an apology at Christmas. It doesn't make the drama of the last eight months or so go away, but I am willing to make an effort on behalf of my partner.

So since Christmas day I have seen my in laws twice, at their house and we had them over for dinner on Monday. We are meant to be going for dinner tonight and I feel like it's too much too soon. I mean this is three times in a span of like one week. I've noticed her mum is hard to be around as asks question after question. And weird, intrusive questions. I had actually forgotten what this was like because of the timespan of not seeing her.

One of the original problems was I didn't want to be overly involved with partner's family and thought a visit once a fortnight was sufficient but partner's mum didn't, kicked off and decided she didn't like me or our relationship.

I know some things you have to do for the sake of your partner but I really don't want to see them so often. I have said this to my partner but I feel like I am going to get pressured to spend increasingly more and more time with her.

Is once a month or every two weeks really that long to not see people you're not close to?

Mikei · #2 5th January 2017, 08:32

if I were in that situation I would start to feel resentful if I was placed under that kind of pressure to do things I didn't want to do, and ultimately I get a sense that your partner/partners mum are using emotional reasoning to exert some kind of control over your behaviour rather than them simply accepting that you don't want to spend that much time with them.

Aelwyn · #3 5th January 2017, 10:29

You've talked about this before and I think I would find the situation very difficult myself. It does sound a bit over the top to be seeing "in-laws" three times in a week, though maybe over the Xmas period people do tend to get together more often

Perhaps part of the problem is that your partner wants to see her family more than you do. Is there some way she could visit more frequently on her own, but you could see them (as you wanted to) once a fortnight? I was in a similar position with my own in-laws for a while, eventually my husband visited them once a week but I saw them around once a month. They gradually got used to how things were. You do have to consider your own sanity.

I have a feeling you're going to need to be quite assertive over this.

Rockysocks · #4 5th January 2017, 22:27

Thanks guys. My partner doesn't like seeing them alone but I really will have to put my foot down.
It was the Christmas period, but it was only on Christmas Day when her mum apologised to me. It didn't feel genuine, I actually feel she is waiting for me and my partner to stuff up again so she can use it against us.

On New Year's Day she was laughing hysterically that a dog they were fostering peed on our carpet a couple of month's ago. So I agree, it would be for my sanity.

clyde33 · #5 8th January 2017, 20:41

If i was you i'd never see them in my life again, regardless if it upset my partner. Sounds like the mother hasn't treated you very nicely, and your partner could be a little more understanding of the situation.

Years ago i spent a horrible Christmas at the parents of a guy i was seeing at the time. His parent weren't the problem, it was his dad's sister who was just a drunken nightmare of a woman. She quickly picked up on the fact that i was quiet and she hounded and hounded me, while none of the others said anything. She just basically made a fool of me non-stop and i ended up in tears, which just made her worse. I told the guy i was seeing that i was never going back, and i stuck to that.

If i was you, i'd have nothing more to do with them. You don't have to put up with being treated like that, and surely your partner should understand.

Rockysocks · #6 14th January 2017, 01:32

She doesn't, sadly. Funnily enough we were just having this conversation and she said she doesn't want to go to their house alone.

That's just it - some people would have absolutely nothing to do with someone after so much drama and trouble.

My sister is visiting this week before moving to UK (we are in Sydney) so it will probably be around a year or longer before I see her again. My partner got a text from her sister asking 'when will we see you' which her mum used to put her up to instead of asking herself. In my opinion it will be good for my partner to have some alone time with them plus I don't want to see her sister more than the absolute minimum after all the texts she said my partner re me and controlling her (this was while we were visiting my family in UK in November and came about because my partner said we will move to UK eventually).