This idea of "learned helplessness"

[Sunrise]

I don't get it. So I'm repeatedly told that people like me are worthless, losers, pathetic, a waste of space etc. So obviously I'm going to start believing it. I get nothing but negativity everywhere I go which will obviously going to have a significant influence on my self-esteem, thoughts and beliefs.

But according to this theory, everything is entirely my own fault for believing it all and I need to change my attitude to succeed.

It doesn't make sense to me at all. This is how I experience the world, all my beliefs are formed through real events that have happened to me. But I'm then told that I shouldn't believe these things that have actually happened.

I don't understand how I'm repeatedly told all these negative things, but it's my own fault for actually believing them. How am I supposed to react then? I don't get it all. If you're told something repeatedly, of course you're going to start believing it.

I don't understand how I'm supposed to react? It's really wound me up. I believe all these horrible things that people have told me about myself, but then it's my own fault for believing it. It feels like people just want to stick the knife in when they talk about "learned helplessness". "You're pathetic, and it's your own fault, I'm better than you." Seems to be the attitude. It's a scenario you can't win.

[Laurel]

If you’re actually told all those negative things then that’s bullying

[Sunrise]

It's not bullying, it's the real world. People are critical of each other and love a good whinge and moan. Go into any workplace and see how many conversations revolve around how useless another co-worker is. People don't like "weird people" and are suspicious of them. People make assumptions. There are still plenty of acceptable forms of discrimination. People say and think these things about others, that's what the real world is like.

The whole idea of learned helplessness is bullshit for someone like me, because it is helpless. If there's anything about you that's outside the expected norm then you're into a loser. Unless you can change virtually every single thing about yourself it's not going to work

The problem I have is that I can't change my bad reputation. It doesn't matter how hard I try, it's always there. You can make certain changes, but people still see you as the weirdo. I feel like a pariah in my community, because it's such a small close knit kind of place everyone knows about me. I've not even done anything worse than social clumsiness, but people make assumptions.

[anxiouslondoner]

That's nothing like the real world I live in. Maybe I've lived a sheltered middle-class existence since I got away from the school bullies of my unpleasant youth. But mostly people in big cities don't bat an eyelid to the strange behaviours of random folk. We've seen much worse before. It's just background noise to us.

[Laurel]

Well there are 3 solutions:
1) you talk to a therapist and discuss your problems of self-worth
2) you move to a new area and new job as you seem to show very strong signs of both impacting you very negatively on your mental health. Of which a rational person would look to change that.
3) there’s a 1% chance this is much more mentally serious and could require anti-psychotics.

[Dougella]

It sounds to me like the environment you're in is not great Sunrise, and sometimes it is a problem with your environment and the people you're around not actually with you. You live independently and work full time, you're certainly not completely helpless.

[Laurel]

I posted the bit on learned helplessness and did not have Sunrise in mind when I posted it. Secondly, because a person is in full time employment and live independently does not mean they necessarily do not have aspects of learned helplessness in aspects of their life. Everybody can get learned helplessness. For instance a person who does not create social opportunities for themselves. That's learned helplessness.

[Dougella]

^ You're right yes, learned helpless can affect different areas of people's lives.

[Laurel]

thank you and a good edit

[Dougella]

^ I don't want my posts to be misinterpreted so it's good that you pointed some things out!

[Sunrise]

Originally Posted by Laurel

I posted the bit on learned helplessness and did not have Sunrise in mind when I posted it. Secondly, because a person is in full time employment and live independently does not mean they necessarily do not have aspects of learned helplessness in aspects of their life. Everybody can get learned helplessness. For instance a person who does not create social opportunities for themselves. That's learned helplessness.

I should probably add it wasn't anything you've posted (or anyone else here) that has upset me. I spend a lot of time reading up on things like that anyway.

What I find incredibly frustrating is for the past few years I have felt helpless. Even when I had worse SA symptoms I always had hope that things would get better, but I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like I'm in a very unhappy situation, but I'm completely powerless to change it now and nothing I could try would work. I think about moving away and getting a new job, but I'm not sure it would make a difference as the problem is with me. I feel like my current job is the only place that would tolerate me and I would probably never work again if I lost it.

I'm a very damaged person, probably more so than I'd want to admit too. I don't think it's all in my head. I think my social problems are worse than I'd like to admit to, which is why I have such a poor relationship with others. The idea that it's just some negative mindset holding me back doesn't make sense at all.

[Rocket Spud]

I think you should move if you're able

Other than that i will say i understand how it is to feel and be treated as 'different'. In my experience it's happened everywhere i've gone to a greater or lesser extent and i'm so sick and tired of it all. I rarely find myself comfortable, relaxed, in sync with people etc. I'm exhausted with my reality and i'm fumbling onwards with no motivation. I can't even answer why i carry on.

That said, i think one thing i do have going for me is i don't get hung up on things too much (which is essential for someone like me). I've always found life and people, their motives really weird in the bigger picture. Maybe you could try being more forgiving of yourself and try letting go of some of the things people say and do to you.

[choirgirl]

I think you should move too.

I suppose I've fallen into learned helplessness a lot. It comes from repeated failures. It also comes from serious obstacles in certain areas of life and being sat on.