Do you feel like people see you as weak......

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

and try to take the piss or walk over you etc, so you feel like you have to constantly defend yourself?

I know that with me it was the constant feelings of having to defend myself because people would'nt take me seriously, that led to me developing serious AVPD.

I don't think that it's ever been that people don't like me.

It's just that people don't want to be around someone that's a magnet for piss takers and trouble and can never just ignore it.

I wish I could have ignored the bastards and not let them grind me down but I never could.

[Opera Ghost]

I think so. I kinda feel like a living doormat at time's 'cause people know I will say yes (because I'm too afraid of upsetting someone, even though when I think about it I don't have to say ye...blah). It's like I've become...reliable? People seem to know they can get their own way with me 'cause I'm not very good at defending myself or standing up for what I want to do.

But it works in the other way aswell. Because people sort of realise I'm a bit of a weakling, if anyone says anythign to me my friends are quick to defend 'cause they know I'd just let it happen otherwise. So I guess it can be a good thing at times. Kind of.

[ShyGal]

I know for a fact people see me as weak....you just have to take one look at me and know i wont do or say anything back if you shout something at me

[KarateGirl]

Yes definitely people see me as weak, as someone who won't dare to disagree or say no to anything. Even random people who push in the queue ahead of me, seem to sense that I won't say anything. I find it very difficult to be assertive, either I do nothing or I act too aggressive and make people dislike me.

[sweetlady26]

Originally Posted by KarateGirl

Yes definitely people see me as weak, as someone who won't dare to disagree or say no to anything. Even random people who push in the queue ahead of me, seem to sense that I won't say anything. I find it very difficult to be assertive, either I do nothing or I act too aggressive and make people dislike me.

Im the same, if i get wound up though at someone i start shaking and feel like a freak

[piesJoy]

or do i feel i am, regardless?

physically, i feel I am weak atm. i used to do weights, so i guess i felt strong at some point, but that was a long time back, and i feel physically weak now. the other night i had to carry something up a stair-well, and couldn't believe how knackered i was compaired to who i was with (who was carrying a similar heavy item). i don't really see my f**ked-upness as weak, more just the fact that others are stronger regardless of any 'strength' i could muster and could beat me to a pulp, especially in a group of the bastards. i dunno....

as for strength 'mentally' compaired to others, i feel i don't feel i have much influence over that aspect of 'strength' either, probably even more so.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

I got so tired of fighting back, which was just verbally 98% of the time, that I felt like I had no choice but to isolate myself in the end.

I spent so many years trying to fight being normal, and now so many years in terrible isolation and being dependant on family do everything but wipe my backside and wash me. :rolleyes:

It almost feels like I'm going backwards to the point where I'll end up in the comfort of my mother's womb. :rolleyes:

I should be stronger than ever and not like this.

[Alex76]

I guess yeah, because I give off those kinds of vibes with my lack of confidence in social situations. In the days when I use to go down the pubs in my local town I use to sometimes get young cocky beer boy types come up and take the p*** out of me, especially if I was on my own (which I quite often was). Never been started on physically though and have always wondered how I'd react if I was - probably just take it and then enjoy getting them done by the police afterwards.

[piesJoy]

....which would probably make the situation worse......

[pinkwafer]

Yes people see it in the way I carry myself and stuff before I even open my mouth. It's unfortunate but you learn to live with it. People tend not to take the piss out of me in the most recent years, but this wasn't the case when I was at school, then to a lesser extent sixth form, and such piss taking generally came from my 'friends'.

[Alex76]

Originally Posted by pissJoy

....which would probably make the situation worse......

In some peoples eyes maybe, but it'd give me satisfaction, and would be better then letting them get away with it.
All hypothetical anyway as I hardly go out these days - and when I do am very picky about the types of places I go - so am not very likely to be started on verbally or physically.

[diplodocus]

Yeah to an extent, at least initially. I have a youngish looking face, I'm average build and I'm half-chinese which people tend to stereotype as passive. I think that has affected the way I've come across in the past and probably why I have acted cold and unfriendly.

When I'm more friendly, which I try to be these days, some alpha male types think they can dominate me which either makes me chuckle inside or irritates me as I'm pretty strong willed and can be quite confident. It can get into a bit of a unspoken conflict trying to sort out pecking order. I'm not bothered about status as long as people treat me respectfully. It does get tiresome having to go through the same old ritual everytime you meet someone like that :rolleyes:

[danielv]

i think the problem with us is that we cant differentiate between "piss taking" (which is what friends do with each other) and someone attacking you. so we tend to be hyper defensive and see insults where there arent any which causes us to go on the attack, and so trouble escalates (we have thoughts like - why did he say that? why are they looking at me funny? he doesnt like me) where as a non SAer doesnt think like that. we get ourselves into trouble :rolleyes: