Should I break away from this circle of friends

[Mr_Sullivan]

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[Karail]

IMO, you should try and get a little distance from some of your current friends and at the same time make some new ones. It may just be that you have seen a bit too much of your friends and spending a little less time with them might improve the relationship. Uni should really help with this.

On the other hand however, this friend who only phones you to spread gossip, I would ditch as soon as possible. People who play games like that are nothing but trouble.

[Ross PK]

If some of your friends are covertly nasty with you then just don't have anything to do with them again. I really can't see why anyone would want to be around people like that.

Some people on here may think it's immature because you are not being tollerant, but there's nothing wrong with putting people like that out of your life and only associating with genuine nice ones.

[it's me]

Hi there!

I only skim read that, sorry I'm meant to be working lol but basically, people can be arses. And this isn't meant to worry you, but a LOT of people are like that in some way I find. Take the car thing, he probably didn't think anything of this, yes he was being inconsiderate... but I don't know, it happens to me every so often and I feel stupid pointing it out to my friends like I'd seem nasty! Personally I hate hate HATE giving people lifts, mostly because I'm paranoid about how I drive, and if you give guys my age a lift quite often you do, as a girl, get loads of comments about how you're driving even though I personally feel I'm a good and confident driver. If i'm comfortable with them it's not a problem but I stranger... I'd hate that lol! When people don't get that, they probably wouldn't even think you'd be annoyed.

Another example is my hosue- my parents are not social people and I never have people round, but some people would try to invite themselves round to mine when it wasn't convenient or turn up which I found rude but other familes are so open, people grown up thinking popping round to see people is normal (it probably is lol) and don't think you could find it rude! They're just not on the same wavelength.

As for the comments or whatever. I do find with a lot of people they like to take the mickey out of things I say or put me down or act like what I'd said was stupid. I think that's one thing that triggered all the anxiety. Naturally, I like to crack little jokes, and normally people laugh but you occasionally get those who probably would laugh if they let themself but like to cut in and make fun of you or just stare back blankly, just to make your joke fall flat. Basically for no good reason. Those people put me down and made me feel like I couldn't be myself and afraid to be natural, and so I ended up being a lot more reserved and nervous of people.

One of my friends is a nice enough girl, but she introduced me to a new friend of hers, a Christian girl. Now, I'm a Christian too so we had a little chat but my friend for some reason decided to cut in half way through and say "You're not a proper Christian" and elaborate that in the past I've had, well, intimate relationships. Ok so personaly I think that's the past and certainly do not want it brought up with a stranger, but I felt like she did it to undermine me, and basically show me up. There was no reason. At the same time usually she's a nice person... once again, she gossips a lot, no secret is safe with her. It's sort fo soemthing I've learnt to accept. I should probably have gone mad at her but like you I don't like to rock the boat so didn't.

I think my point is two things. One, people can be nice but carry on in certain behaviour, gossiping or whatever, but normally it's not that they're conscious that they're being nasty. They spread a rumour and they must just not see the consequences. They say things or put you down, but they don't realise what they're doing it's like they act without thinking. With people I know, I'm sure they wouldn't like to know it had caused people pain a lot of the time and yet they do it. Or they want to make themselves feel better by pointing out others' flaws. At the same time, you have SA. The last think you need is to be the brunt of that stuff. You need to decide how destructive it is. In your place I'd probably keep those people at arms length. You know who to trust and who not to. So keep them as friends but actively try to find some mroe kindred spirits. I say don't cut them off but only because you may feel it's worse to be there with a gap of no friends, I would, but maybe you're stronger than me. Just be wary of them.

Also can you say something to them? I'm sure that other people must be victim to it too, they should realise what they're doing! Depends how brave you are!