How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Clementine]

Sick

Thanks for the kind messages. I***8217;m not imagining it though.

[Utopia]

I'm so stressed with the amount of pointless workload I've got atm. It just ends up with me being less productive.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

A bit, slightly regretting my piercing today. It looks really harsh and 'too much'. Hopefully it will look better when I change them all to something sparkly and girly as opposed to this horrible, dull metal.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

Originally Posted by Miggs The Terrible

Hope you have a nice birthday lettie hemp

Thank you Miggs! I've had a lovely day.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

Thank you! It went really well. I think I have a really high pain threshold or something.

[kirbycrackle]

Originally Posted by Lettie Hempstock

Thank you Miggs! I've had a lovely day.

That's great

Like I'm melting into the sofa :/

[Quicksand]

Mo - id no like v much standing in a super market at the 2min silence! You did extremely well to stay put and focus on the event at hand.

Thanks miggs - I may be coming out of my dark spell again but hard to tell. Out later by car w a friend.

Dimps - dog walking is a normal social activity so don't allow unkind others to stop you. I change my route too if I'm feeling threatened or vulnerable.

Jinny - classic reaction to builders wolf whistles but equally impressive!

[Scott03]

@ Ajax Amsterdam

I’m really sorry to hear about what’s happened; you must be going through a horrendous time at the moment.

[Rianne]

^^^ Maybe, and I could be talking out of my bottom here, but maybe you're not who you are trying to be because you are suppressing the real you in order to accommodate others. I'm in a similar situation at the moment. It's a scary thing, but if we allow ourselves to be who WE want to be instead of what others want us to be because it suits them, then we may feel better about ourselves. I conform because I don't like aggro or confrontation. BUT it makes me resentful and reduces my low self esteem even more. Does that make sense?

[Clementine]

Like I***8217;m shutting down.

[Clementine]

^ Thanks, Snarf x

[Silent Ninja]

Lonely, tired and frustrated.

[Mo34]

Tired but not sleepy. Don't really feel like going to volunteering tomorrow but the girl who runs the group has been away for the last few weeks as her father suddenly was taken seriously ill and then died . So it's been all hands on deck and substitutes to lead the group, so don't really feel I can pull a sickie or whatever

[Tembo]

Originally Posted by Ajax Amsterdam

Thanks Dougella.

You are right, things like this are the hardest things we face as human beings. But, if we can come through it, and most people do, we can come through anything. After all this, not much in life can ever scare me again. Thank you, and everyone who has offered their support on the site.

Really sorry to hear your news Ajax! Really hope you're ok.

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by Mo34

Tired but not sleepy. Don't really feel like going to volunteering tomorrow but the girl who runs the group has been away for the last few weeks as her father suddenly was taken seriously ill and then died . So it's been all hands on deck and substitutes to lead the group, so don't really feel I can pull a sickie or whatever

That’s sad news about the girl you work with Mo.
I hope come the morning you’re be raring to go though

Originally Posted by Clementine

Like I’m shutting down.

I know you can get through this because you have before and you are a much stronger lady than you think

Originally Posted by Silent Ninja

Lonely, tired and frustrated.

Aww I hope you get a good nights sleep Ninja so that at least you no longer feel so tired



@ Blushing - I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way. It sounds like you are really struggling to see any of the good qualities about yourself that I know you possess simply through having read your posts here...

For example, it’s obvious that you are a great mum.
There are a lot of truly atrocious mothers about who don’t suffer from anything as debilitating as social anxiety so to be a really good mum despite your struggles is a real achievement!

Although mums can feel completely taken for granted in their roles as mothers, indeed something akin to an invisible robot permanently set in auto pilot mode, I think mums (and dads) are carrying out one of the most important roles there is - playing a huge part in shaping and moulding the youngsters of today into a future generation of adults that we can hopefully all be proud of.

I’ve also seen the photographs of yourself that you’ve posted here in the past and not wishing to sound overly creepy or ingenious (I’m a very sincere straight married woman ) its clear to see that you are a beautiful looking lady. Sorry if that makes you blush, but it really does sadden me that yourself (and so many others on this forum) are unable to see what other folk here can see when they view the photo section!

I don’t know if you have BDD or have been diagnosed with this, Blushing, but (and I really hope this doesn’t sound mean because i know it’s painfully real to you) it does sound like you have an incredibly distorted image of yourself. Believe me, I know how hard a complete lack of worth makes things and its an ongoing struggle of mine also, but when our negative thoughts go into overdrive we need to trust the kinder people around us (the ones who can empathise and have no hidden agendas and whose view of you isn’t clouded by self hatred).

You mention that ‘even your partner hates you’ but I can’t imagine that your partner would nurture a family with you and also want to take a vow to spend the rest of their life with you (I remember reading your marriage thread) if they didn’t love that partner deeply. No partnership is perfect (my husband can be a pain at times and I know I frequently drive him to distraction with my constant need for reassurance) but nevertheless we would be lost without one another and I’m sure that’s exactly how it is for you and your partner.

As for a job, you really can’t know how well you will cope with a specific job until you do it. Telling yourself that you can’t ever work because you will be crap and bullied or ignored by co-workers is kind of setting yourself up to fail from the get go. In the right job with the right people (admittedly not so easy to find) there is no reason why you wouldn't flourish.
Maybe considering volunteering once a week somewhere would be a gentler way of gradually easing yourself towards paid employment in the future? As you are a mum maybe volunteering with children would appeal? Or perhaps animals? Compassion and empathy (which I reckon you have bags of!) have got to be some of the most important attributes for any Volunteer.

As for friendship, why wouldn’t you make a good friend??
Friends aren't just a privilege for the extrovert and confident folk to enjoy. If you are very shy but show an interest in others and are a good listener then that to me sounds like the perfect friend.
I don’t know if you have ever considered going on any meet ups? I met a lovely lady through the forum years ago and although we don’t see much of each other now due to other commitments we do still keep in touch and even attended each other’s weddings.

Anyway I think I’ve waffled on long enough.
I certainly don’t think you come across as attention seeking at all, just someone who is feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and needs to share these feelings in a safe place where other people will definitely be able to relate. Also, although I know you said no one needs to reply to your post I felt that I really wanted to respond (although I know I’m not very helpful) so I hope you don’t mind that I did

Look after yourself Blushing,
You are a valued member of this forum and most definitely have a great deal to offer!

[anxiouslondoner]

Originally Posted by Clementine

Like I’m shutting down.

I hope these feelings pass soon.

[Quicksand]

Next task - nail pip assessment and mtg w daughters social worker. Can't decide which is more anxiety inducing after the usual lovely winter evening for 5 hours between 7pm and midnight. Even my diary sheets state these times r inappropriate behaviour patterns. No family support as usual. The world at large is beg to change globally - I either have to choose to hide under the duvet...or take part 'doing it my way' ... extract from famous tune.

[Consolida]

Awful.

[Indigo_]

^

[Mo34]

Originally Posted by Muggins

That***8217;s sad news about the girl you work with Mo.
I hope come the morning you***8217;re be raring to go though

Yeah He was only 61 aswell, no warning of ill health either.

Well I'm ready, not so sure about raring..


Hope you feel better soon

[Consolida]

^ Aw Blushing i think it’s a real pity that your partner doesn't want you to attend the Richmond Park meet up.
I don’t wish to come across as critical as I’m sure he’s a great partner in so many ways, but I do think he should be encouraging you to go to the meet up because it would be such a positive step for you towards confronting some of your anxieties.
Maybe if he came along to one of the meet ups with you it would allay some of the doubts and fears that, for whatever reason, he appears to currently have?

Also, your partner needs to accept that it is important for you to have somewhere like this forum to off load your worries and frustrations among people who also suffer with SA and who can empathise - particularly if you don’t have real life friends to talk to.

I’m sure your partner is supportive in many ways but...and...I’m probably completely wrong here...maybe a part of him is afraid that if you start to tackle your SA and overcome some of your anxiety you won’t need him in quite the same way that you do now.
I think partners can sometimes be very fearful of their loved one changing and starting to get better incase the loved one then decides to embrace a whole new life that doesn’t include them. Ironically though, it’s by not encouraging and supporting a partner in his/her quest to overcome SA that can ultimately cause the most damage to a relationship as the resentment starts to bubble under the surface of the partner who can’t help but feel trapped and stifled.

I really do feel for you Blushing as it sounds like you have very little control in some areas of your partnership at the moment. I think for your own sanity and future happiness you need to put yourself first sometimes because what you want and need out of life is very important too!!

Apologies if I’ve said anything out of turn here, it’s certainly not my intention to disparage anyone’s partner. I’m totally rubbish at offering advice - Ajax and Gregarious Introvert are so much better at it!!

I do hope that in the New year you will be posting about attending the Richmond meet

Take care xx

[newbs16]

Really anxious .

[newbs16]

I have started to get bad anxiety when driving but it comes and goes .

[Circlesquare]

Pretty lousy, I feel so alone all the time, why am I so unlikable that no-one wants me as a friend

[Consolida]

^ Ichigo It***8217;s not true that you are unlikeable. Everyone deserves to have a friend.

I***8217;ve never found it easy to make friends, the kind you can meet up for a cuppa with, and on the extremely rare occasion when I have it never lasts
Some people seem to have friends coming out of their ears but are they the kind of friends you could call late at night when the world looks bleak? Probably not.




It***8217;s so quiet here these days that I feel like I***8217;m going to end up talking to myself in the end. Perhaps if I disappeared everyone would come back? I***8217;m getting so sick of my own voice

Feeling pretty crappy about this, that and the other. And to top it all, I***8217;ve got the meal out with the neighbours on Friday. I***8217;m absolutely dreading that


Please don***8217;t quote

[Kitsune]

Feeling depressed and frustrated. I've gotten so bad at reaching out and talking about what I'm struggling with that it's like pulling teeth even writing this.
I'm stuck but only i can get myself unstuck... but i can't without help but i can't ask for help because *scary*
I feel hopeless

[Mo34]

^

^^
Yeah I feel the same regarding the quietness on here. Makes me less inclined to post as it feels daft to.

Hope your meal goes ok on Friday

I've just been to outdoor group, kinda of wish i'd stayed and gone to the afternoon thing but I do feel tired and seem to be acquiring a bad back The s'morning has lifted my mood tho.

[Consolida]

^ Thanks Mo
I***8217;m glad you***8217;re feeling in good spirits after attending this mornings outdoor group

Originally Posted by Kitsune

Feeling depressed and frustrated. I've gotten so bad at reaching out and talking about what I'm struggling with that it's like pulling teeth even writing this.
I'm stuck but only i can get myself unstuck... but i can't without help but i can't ask for help because *scary*
I feel hopeless

I***8217;m sorry you are feeling so hopeless Kitsune

I think you***8217;ve done well to post on here today considering how awful you are feeling - sometimes it***8217;s mega scary even reaching out to others who you know will relate and understand I hope things improve a little for you soon

I***8217;m already getting myself into a state about Friday. I***8217;m sooo scared that I will mess up and then what? These people are my neighbours. I won***8217;t even be able to go out into my own garden!
I***8217;d have to move away to somewhere remote where there are no neighbours, but that would mean disrupting my families life
At first I was pleased, flattered even, that I***8217;d been invited. Now I***8217;m sick with dread. I***8217;ll probably be ready for a padded cell by Friday!
I don***8217;t know how I got myself into this mess. It***8217;s my own fault for being so friendly on Facebook - but I***8217;m not that person in real life! My husband thinks I should be honest about my mental heath problems and tell the neighbours about my SA but I***8217;d rather cut my legs and arms off I don***8217;t know what I***8217;m going to do

[Merritt]

I found a shoebox full of old cards and letters from 10-15 years ago. Picking through it's been difficult, reminding me of people I knew, who I seemed to be good friends with judging by the letters, but for one reason or another I just stopped talking to. One person in particular I feel bad about, because it must have seemed like I abandoned them, and honestly, that's probably exactly what I did.

I don't know if discovering this sort of thing is meant to bring back happy memories, but it just makes me feel like apologising to anyone I let down. None of them have likely even thought of me in well over a decade, if they remember me at all, but still.

[anxiouslondoner]

I feel utterly useless.