How to handle tomorrow (long sorry)

[ratty]

Hi folks

This will be long, sorry.

I***8217;ve been in the process of splitting up with my boyfriend for a little while. We***8217;ve been separated (but still living together) and I had been hoping we could sort things out. He has decided, after 7 years, that it***8217;s definitely the end. He***8217;s moving out of our flat tomorrow.

I feel completely lost in every single way. I am an emotional wreck and my life had been planned around ***8216;us***8217;, so I am obviously feeling a massive sense of hopelessness about the future. In addition, I***8217;ve had a tough year and feel like I have lost everything. The only things I have left are our flat (which we will now be selling) and my job. My cat died late last year, which was devastating (the circumstances were particularly bad), and for some reason I have also managed to lose my two best friends ***8211; they have just moved away/changed and I no longer see/speak to them. I don***8217;t feel I have any support at all and my family live about 3 hours away and I am no longer close to them. My (now ex) boyfriend has been the only one who has supported me through my mental health problems and he***8217;s the only one who has ANY idea how I sometimes feel and the only person in my life who knows I have these problems. But I***8217;m obviously losing him as my best friend in the whole world.

I tried to get over the boyfriend during our separation because I didn***8217;t want to wallow. I ended up getting together with a male friend, but it didn***8217;t work out and that also hurt me very badly. That friendship (which was actually my longest friendship of around 10 years) is also ruined. There are various other situations throughout the year which have caused me a lot of emotional trauma and my job is particularly stressful at the moment.

I was diagnosed with depression last year and am attending CBT, but it***8217;s only 30 minutes every 2 weeks and I don***8217;t feel it***8217;s that effective. I***8217;ve also been classed as high risk for suicide and have been trying to work through that as I have periods where that's all that's on my mind. I'm not on medication because I really haven't wanted to go down that route. My (now ex) boyfriend only told me last weekend that he was moving out this weekend. So any work I had done on my emotions/future is just invisible and I feel I have been completely thrown. I am on a complete downwards spiral again and I am such a mess ***8211; I can***8217;t even hold it in from the office to my house ***8211; I am walking home in floods of tears.

My SA-related problem is what to do with myself tomorrow whilst my ex is moving out. I have no idea how long it will take but I do not want to be here whilst I watch him move things from the flat. We will have to actually divide our belongings another time (we have 7 years worth of furniture and things we have bought together; he***8217;s just moving out what he needs to live temporarily elsewhere). I have no-one to meet up with and I don***8217;t have anywhere to go. I really feel like I need the support of someone being here. If I try and go shopping or something my fear is that I will just breakdown in public as I won***8217;t be able to get it off my mind.

I am worried about being completely alone living alone afterwards: I will just have to take each day as it comes and at least I won***8217;t be directly confronted by it every night ***8211; but I am in a mess about my life generally. The main event for me to tackle right now is the move tomorrow.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can handle this - what on earth I should do with myself tomorrow?

[ratty]

I should also add that there is no malice between me and my (now ex) boyfriend. Neither of us did anything bad to cause the end of the relationship, he decided he wanted different things out of life and I can't offer him what he needs - not due to mental health, but due to him wanting to stay in this city and have children. He has very much hurt me (in fact I'm completely devastated) but I don't have any hatred towards him and we will remain friends if possible. But he meant the world to me and so it will be impossible for me to watch him move out.

[png]

Ach, that sounds like an awful time you've been through, Ratty. You'll ultimately know best whether you want to stay around or leave the flat while he's moving out, but either way it must be painful :/

[Vanessa]

wish I had seen this post yesterday. I hope you have managed Ok today ratty.

[ratty]

Originally Posted by png

Ach, that sounds like an awful time you've been through, Ratty. You'll ultimately know best whether you want to stay around or leave the flat while he's moving out, but either way it must be painful :/

Originally Posted by HWC

sooo sorry ratty how you getting on today? what did you do??

Originally Posted by Sarabi

wish I had seen this post yesterday. I hope you have managed Ok today ratty.

Thank you all. Last night was terrible and I am not coping too well, but I have let a lot of emotion out and so am just drained.

He is moving out as a type. There will be lots of stuff left here as he can't take it all, and of course we have lots of joint belongings to go through at a later date.

It is so nice that you all replied as I am feeling completely alone. Thank you

[aVoice2use]

hi Ratty

I can feel your situation - am am in a similar position maybe putting it off for longer than I or we should - let say 5-10yrs too long (yikes)

If you want to chat or swap expereince of the situation - feel free to drop me PM even to just get it off your mind / heart/ shoulders etc .

I know we all deal with this differently / but the same! I could cry for a decade

[Aelwyn]

Very sorry you are going through this, it's good that you are posting here about it.

Could you see your GP about getting some counselling? (If you could afford private counselling it would of course be quicker).

[ratty]

Thank you all again for your replies.

Originally Posted by aVoice2use

hi Ratty

I can feel your situation - am am in a similar position maybe putting it off for longer than I or we should - let say 5-10yrs too long (yikes)

If you want to chat or swap expereince of the situation - feel free to drop me PM even to just get it off your mind / heart/ shoulders etc .

I know we all deal with this differently / but the same! I could cry for a decade

I'm sorry to hear you have this problem too. I hope you get a resolution. It is very hard (impossible, I feel) but I know people get through it.

Originally Posted by gunstreetgirl

Really sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment ratty I went through something similar a couple of years ago and got depressed because of it. Would you be able to take any time off work to give yourself some healing time and a bit of relief from the stress?

Maybe you could see a counsellor as well as going to the CBT sessions. Having someone to offload to really helps. Do you have a friend or family member you could talk to as well? Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk or just have someone to listen. I hope you're ok and that today isn't too painful

Originally Posted by Aelwyn

Very sorry you are going through this, it's good that you are posting here about it.

Could you see your GP about getting some counselling? (If you could afford private counselling it would of course be quicker).

Thank you gunstreetgirl and Aelwyn. I may consider seeing a counsellor as I don't really know where else to turn. The CBT isn't really having much effect and I am half way through - I only get 6 sessions of 30 minutes, so I don't think it's going to do much long-term.

Originally Posted by jinny

Hi Ratty,
So sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. Could you take any time off work and go and stay with our family for a few days?

Without wanting to sound even more negative, I find taking time off work very hard. I've taken odd days off before and I can sometimes end up in a very low state because I have no focus/purpose or reason to get up in the morning, and I end up feeling very isolated. I'm in a catch 22 about work because it's very stressful but it's often the only interaction I have, and my work colleagues are actually the only real 'friends' I have left - for example two of them text me yesterday to ask me if I was ok but I haven't heard from anyone else.

Originally Posted by woof

I went through a simular thing ratty

I had been living in bristol with my bf . I ended it with him though . I know what you mean when you say you feel alone and lost cos i did. Although i had family to help me .

I was afraid of living on my own but it was the only thing i could do at the time so i just had to bite the bullet. Family also helped me with that.

I know our situations are not exactly the same =/

How do you get on with your family? Is there no way they can support or help you?

I know its hard but i wouldnt advise staying friends with your ex ,but thats just my opinion =/

i hope you manage ok and you can always come to people here for support

I do get on with my family, but we have become increasingly separated since I moved here (7 years ago). I am not close to my parents anymore and when I visit it can make me feel worse - they never ask me anything about myself/my life and I feel invisible and so disconnected. Sometimes they hardly even talk to me. I tried to talk to them last time about the break up as I wanted some advice on what to do about property, but they didn't say anything and changed the topic. They liked my ex boyfriend a lot and are very disappointed. They think I haven't lived my life properly either (they are very disappointed in my career choices). I can't even begin to think about talking to them about mental health or anything like that.

So unfortunately I don't think my family are going to be the support I once thought they were. Which is very upsetting - again, I feel I have lost them too. I did speak to them earlier in the week and told them my ex was moving out on Saturday. They just said they would miss speaking to him. They rarely say anything about me. I normally try and ring them once a week so they'll probably be expecting a phone sometime next week. It would be nice if they actually phoned me but they never do!

Unfortunately I just feel like I'm missing all my limbs at the moment! There is this horrible black aching pit that just won't go away and I am walking around lost in a daze and numb.

I am so grateful for the support on here though. Thank you all so much as it means an awful lot.