I gave up a long time ago

[drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]

I gave up on relationships, exercise, life - a long time ago and this feeling is just too much sometimes. This self-sabotaging lifestyle and mentality is impossible to get out of. Ugh. It's extremely terrible not being part of reality and the real world. I don't wanna give up and kill myself now but it's always been there. That's one of the main reasons I feel i've got myself into this state. Just feeling that i'll 'opt out' one day. Now I dont wanna kill myself particularly. I DO wanna live. But there's no way i'm accepted in society. I feel ugly from this recluse life. Socially awkward. Dont like people - dont see redeeming qualities in them. They all seem like an obstacle and intimidate me. It's a pathetic existence im living and I just wish I had something to give me hope for myself.

[Dandelion10]

You should always have hope, your condition most likely won't change throughout different states of living because none of those states are treatment in the traditional sense, things like illness, love and moving house are just life events and 9 times out of 10, we'll react exactly the same way unless we tackle the cause.

I see you mention therapy actually, it's a bit blinkered to say that therapy is the ONLY cure but it's either that you are naturally shy or that you need to try an alternative kind of therapy. Disorders aren't natural though.

Suicide is neither here nor there, living is like a train running along a track with it's wheels all locked into the track. There's only one route, even under the weight of depression why would you begin to question the route or the journey?

Life runs it's course by default, don't make things harder for yourself by even thinking about opting out because in CBT they teach you that any thought which brings distress needs to be removed.

Life is a precious gift, even if it's lost much of it's original value it's still life which is a miracle. Most people don't particuarly care how much you suffer so long as you don't end your life.

Sometimes we can get into the habit of not trying. Now when I'm on the phone I say only one word answers which makes me sound boring, I do the same monosyllable responses face to face except I also break out in a cold sweat.

As for love, I wrote that off a long time ago. I owe much of my hatred of couples to the strength of my belief that I will never find someone but it's important to have plans for the future and hopefully love will blossom as a consequence of a happier future.

[Gattaca]

I'm walking around in a zombie daze at the moment. My pathetic attempts at finding a job and getting some exercise has just left me with even more back pain (now diagnosed as sciatica) and having to start claiming that new incapacity benefit thing, which I wanted to avoid. More forms and medicals and red tape bollocks to wade through and all the time trying to hide my SA from everyone.

My mind has let me down and now my body has too. I feel like just letting go of the bank and letting this river of shit life carry me where it pleases.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Feel exactly the same mate.

[Andrew]

There's been nothing hugely awful that's happened in my life lately but I've still lost virtually all my enthusiasm for it over the last weeks... I feel like I'm just being crushed by life. I have a full-time job but I might as well not be here given how little people talk to me and the amount of people I can call friends seems to be decreasing by the day.

[Winnie57]

You need to do something that makes you feel worthwhile. Maybe you could consider some sort of volunteering which can open your eyes a bit and give you the satisfaction of helping others.

From where you are it is impossible to make big changes. You need to do small things. Your life may never be the same as some people's but you can start to make friends. Maybe you could attend an SA support group to start with and engage in activities through the group.