Does anyone here find answering questions particularly painful?

[Vicarious]

In particular ones that are about yourself?

For example, most of the time I don't really have huge problems chatting about other people, what's going on in the world etc, and I will happily ask people questions. But when it's turned on me - let's say someone asks me what I do for a living, what does the business involve, or shows interest in me as a person, I can clam up. I have on and off days - sometimes it doesn't bother me and the conversation flows, other times it can be excruciating and the conversation is stilted, and I miss out details that would have given them a better picture. Sometimes the conversation could go like this:-


"So, what is it you do here?"

"Well, erm, we basically do this, then that, and that's pretty much it"

/Feels face burning

"Oh, ok - and how does that work?"

"Erm, basically, we just get these and do that with them and it works." (can we get back to talking about you please?)


If something didn't trigger at that crucial moment, I could bore them to tears with info! (Wouldn't that be great? :D)

A classic more extreme example (for me, at least) is meeting up with friends for the first time in ages at a party. We are sat around, have only just starting drinking and then the bomb gets dropped - "How's the business going mate?" ALL EYES ON ME AS THEY AWAIT THE ANSWER....

Those examples seem to be focused on work, but sometimes it can be something as simple as "What have you been up to recently?" Being put on the spot with no warning perhaps?

I dunno, maybe everyone has this problem but it's one of the harder aspects of SA for me.

[Winnie57]

Yes I do find it painful which is one of the reasons I hate getting into conversations with people. I always try to steer the questions away from me because there are a lot of aspects of my life I don't like talking about.
My mother is one who is always asking me awkward questions and this spoils what should be a pleasure when I meet up with her.

[Concept]

Questions relating to activity, yes.

[crimson~raven]

I think myself/life/job boring so when asked a question I always over apologise plus I waffle a whole lot so I tend to over explain and get muddled. I detest being asked questions as it requires me to think where as I am genuinly interested in others so I find asking questions easy (i'm kinda nosey!)

[scarlet_diva]

Yeah I have trouble with this, definitely. Recently (and I remember posting about this), I had to show this new guy in Finance how our financial system works, and I was stuttering and blushing all over the place; pathetic really, it's not like I don't know what I'm doing inside-out. I've been working here ...erm... 5 years!!!.. lol. It was so embarrassing.

If I get put on the spot like that, I totally lose it; my brain goes completely blank.
I hate this about myself.
So yeah this guy must have thought I was a real numbskull. I bet he still doesn't have a clue what I was on about & probably had to ask someone else straight afterwards to give him a proper explanation. I'm OK with writing instructions and so on, but when speaking face to face, I am a disaster.

[Margham]

Yes, very much so - anything relating to myself or my activities. I think because it is more likely that if you are talking about yourself or the things you do, you are more vulnerable to negative evaluation, whereas talking about other people or neutral topics means you aren't really expressing anything fundamental about yourself.

[Vicarious]

Margham - I think you may have a point with the negative evaluation thing. Something you are or have done yourself is now open to scrutiny and possibly criticism which is demoralising - maybe on a subconscious level we fear that. Obviously we all realise it's something to do with the attention focused on ourselves for that moment, but I never really analysed it in that way.

scarlet_diva - that's exactly what I'm talking about! You've pretty much described the problem I face every so often. I also feel pathetic when I treat something that should be so simple as something major. Afterwards when the tension has gone I think to myself - what the hell was all that about? I wasn't having to explain this to a crowd of people!

[Fëanor]

Can certainly relate to that, I can be fine in conversations until it's about me, what I find really annoying is it can be a really boring everyday question and I start going red, I go into 'fight or flight' mode over mundane things, must be bad for the heart!

[hardy]

not too bad at answering questions .tremendously bad at talking about myself and showng interest in others.

[aubergine]

Me too. I am fine on a one-to-one basis or with someone I know and like but dreadful in a group. I really feel uncomfortable when the attention is focused on myself and I can see people looking and waiting for a reply. For me, it's really 'performance anxiety'. I hate people watching and listening to me. I usually go blank or say something stupid and try to focus the conversation on someone else. I think it's because I feel I don't have anything interesting to say. I also hate people overhearing me on the phone. The more people around, the worse I feel.

[Vicarious]

I also think a lot of it has to do with the overall presence of the listeners. Now, a group of people I am not close to (sometimes even those I am!) will intimidate me and I get this performance anxiety, but in the same way one listener can have a similar effect if they have large presence such as a really confident person - confident to the point where they radiate it. It's probably because I don't want to appear unconfident in front of them and therefore (in my eyes) inferior. Unsurprisingly it's generally those types of people who ask all the questions!