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  #601  
Old 21st January 2019, 22:54
Circlesquare Circlesquare is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm done with life now. There a nothing for me anymore and to be honest enough is enough. Cant even remember thevlast time i felt happy. No one wants me no one needs me I'm jysva waste of space.
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  #602  
Old 21st January 2019, 23:41
Dougella Dougella is offline
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^ You're absolutely not. Your children need you and love you. Things can get better for you I'm sure of it.
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  #603  
Old 22nd January 2019, 01:04
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

@ Circlesquare As Dougella says, you are irreplaceable to your children and they will always need you and love you.
I know it is impossible to imagine, when you are feeling so desperately depressed, that things will ever improve but they can and often do. Many people here have found theirselves in a very dark place like yourself, myself included, but have gone on to experience some happier times. I am sure you will too

It was lovely to see you posting here again, so I really hope you stick around on the forum for support
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  #604  
Old 3rd February 2019, 23:50
itzum itzum is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I hope you feel better skitz, you're not alone in wanting to give up.
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  #605  
Old 4th February 2019, 10:17
Consolida Consolida is offline
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I am sorry you are having such thoughts Skitz, it must be very distressing for you. Stay strong x
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  #606  
Old 4th February 2019, 18:59
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Sending you warm thoughts, skitz. Hope you're okay
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  #607  
Old 9th February 2019, 02:53
Austere_Lemur Austere_Lemur is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

When things don't get better... And I am honestly the worst thing to happen to my family. Like I'm literally every sore point for them - and that's when I'm not even thinking about family. When I'm being selfish (which is more often than not); I just wish that I would not wake up tomorrow. The first time I self-harmed was when I was fourteen. Fat lot of good that did. I've had futile suicide attempts since then (I can't even do that right - that's how fecking useless I am). Sorry to everyone reading this; I'm just really in a low point right now. The best I can do for this world is just disappear.
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  #608  
Old 9th February 2019, 03:35
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Hope those feelings pass.
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  #609  
Old 9th February 2019, 08:48
Consolida Consolida is offline
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^^ I'm so sorry you are feeling so low Austere. Please don't feel that you need to apologise for posting your feelings here, that's exactly what this thread is for and it's the one place where you can guarantee your voice will he heard Don't give up, you have as much to offer this world as anyone else. Be gentle with yourself x
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  #610  
Old 19th February 2019, 02:04
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I've been feeling more and more lately that I don't want to be alive. I don't think I actually want to do anything about it currently, but I have this strong sense of not wanting to value my life, to want to think of it as disposable, in the hope that if I just let myself go enough I'll get to a point where I stop caring completely.

I'm probably not making sense. What I mean is, I don't think I'm impulsive enough (or brave enough, or whatever) to just kill myself, so it's almost like I instead want to approach it as a long term project, where if I whittle away at the reasons to stay alive, the rest will just sort itself out somehow, even if it takes years. It's like, I want to die, but I don't want to go kicking and screaming, I want to actually be at peace with it.
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  #611  
Old 19th February 2019, 12:19
Consolida Consolida is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ Aw Merrit, I am so sorry you are feeling this way
Death will come soon enough to all of us that's for sure, so when your time naturally comes I truly hope that it is something that you do feel at peace with. In the meantime, I hope so much that you are able to experience many moments of contentment and joy to make your time here a lot more bearable. (Btw, can I take the opportunity to add that I particularly like reading your posts on the forum because they are always so sensitive and thoughtful but show much humour too )
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  #612  
Old 19th February 2019, 17:06
john smith john smith is offline
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You on any form of anti-depressant Skitz? I didn't give them much credence before that the 1st one I tried had zero effect and even the ones that did eventually work I had to get the dosage increased for it to have an effect.
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  #613  
Old 19th February 2019, 20:00
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^ Thank you Consolida, you're very kind
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  #614  
Old 22nd February 2019, 22:29
Kipper Kipper is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Bless you Skitz. I hope these feelings pass.I know what you're going through as I too have similar thoughts from time to time but, as things stand, I am unlikely to act on my thoughts. Keep going!
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  #615  
Old 23rd February 2019, 23:36
itzum itzum is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Tired of dealing with adults behaving like children not getting their way, the general public and their petty, greedy demands and family and whatever the hell they are doing to each other this week. Most of all tired of myself and this now constant fight I'm having internally over nothing that even really exists but seems to matter more than anything. Then someone randomly asks me what the point of life is and I can't find one. I just want sleep.
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  #616  
Old 2nd March 2019, 11:36
Consolida Consolida is offline
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^ I hope you are feeling a little better since posting this here itzum?
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  #617  
Old 2nd March 2019, 15:13
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm sorry to read that so many of you seem to have been struggling lately; I know I haven't been around much, but you're important people in my life and (being completely selfish here), I'd like you to be around in the future. Austere & Merritt, I am no stranger to the feeling of just wanting not to exist any more and / or not to wake up in the morning (although I'm thankful that I haven't experienced that recently). Itzum, it is hell when life seems like a pointless fight and everyone around you seems to have their own petty agenda and Consolida, that light at the end of the tunnel may be just around the next bend, so please do hang on until it appears. Skitz, it seems that your battle with depression is endless but having had years myself when it seemed as if there was no hope or future, I can tell you that there can be an end to it and life can be meaningful again.

We all know that there are no easy answers; depression is a guest which needs no invitation and visits even when things are, to any independent observer, going well. Winter is almost over now and the nights are getting shorter, so I can only hope that Spring brings better mood to you all. You have all helped me through some really dark times in my past and the contributions you make here are invaluable - I wish I could give you all a massive hug and tell you that things will get better, but I know that you wouldn't believe me right now and my only hope is that you will all see that in the very near future.
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  #618  
Old 2nd March 2019, 22:04
Kipper Kipper is offline
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Thankyou Gregarious Introvert. It's good to read your wise words.
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  #619  
Old 3rd March 2019, 19:51
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I hope all you recent posters are feeling a bit better.

I'm struggling to see what the benefits are of remaining here. I just disappoint people and annoy people. I have no drive to get a 'better' job (better usually meaning you have to cope better with high stress careers and become one of those knobs that talks in management-speak). I don't fit in to this extroverted and bigoted society, where people constantly judge each other and bully.

I'm kind of blaming society for all my problems, which isn't completely accurate. Most of my problems are my own doing - by being a lazy selfish waste of space, who refuses to be normal.

There is no place for me here (well, that's how it feels most of the time).

EDIT: Don't worry about me doing something silly - I won't do. I shall just keep plodding along! I do certainly apprieciate that my life could be an awful lot worse, and I am grateful that it isn't. I just wish I felt I fitted in to society, without having to pretend to be something i'm not.
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  #620  
Old 4th March 2019, 12:12
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^^^ I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way again, Aleks and I hope it passes quickly; I'm not going to say anything which I haven"t said to you before, but it's all still true. You are not in the least bit lazy, you do a meaningful and worthwhile job, which you do well and which has earned the respect of your colleagues; given the issues you have to overcome in order to do that, day after day, you should be proud of yourself. If you were doing something more "high-powered", someone else would be doing your job and probably not nearly as well.

As for disappointing and annoying people (which we all do sometimes), I don't know which people you believe you've disappointed, but from what I can see, nobody has any reason to feel that way about you. Families (and all relationships) have their frictions and it seems to me that you are valued by your friends, with whom I know you share meaningful and worthwhile experiences.

You're right that your life could be worse, but so could the lives of others around you, if you weren't there to make them richer. You contribute a great deal and I hope it won't be long before you realise that.

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  #621  
Old 4th March 2019, 20:07
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Big hugs for you, Aleks. You're a goodun. The world needs ya.
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  #622  
Old 4th March 2019, 22:36
Aleks Aleks is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Wow, some really lovely comments, thank you. People like you four help to make the world a better place - I hope you realise that

I also hope people don't think i'm having a go at people who are career-driven with high stress jobs. I kind of feel it came across that way, but its not really my intention.
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  #623  
Old 9th March 2019, 06:27
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

I'm so sorry to hear that you're still feeling this way, Skitz - I've experienced extended periods of depression but nothing like you seem to be enduring, so I can only imagine how it feels for you.

I do think you may need to have a frank chat with a consultant psychiatrist about medication and therapies - I can see from your response above that this hasn't worked for you in the past, but perhaps there is something out there which might and it's worth investigating (along with less conventional medicines).

Depression can seem never-ending, but I hope that the light at the end of your tunnel starts glimmering soon.

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  #624  
Old 12th March 2019, 02:06
Consolida Consolida is offline
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@ gregarious_introvert Thanks for you kind words to me further up x

I hope everyone else who has posted here recently starts to see some light at the end of the tunnel soon.
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  #625  
Old 12th March 2019, 10:02
Just.Fin Just.Fin is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Consolida
@ gregarious_introvert Thanks for you kind words to me further up x

I hope everyone else who has posted here recently starts to see some light at the end of the tunnel soon.
I second this immensely.
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  #626  
Old 20th March 2019, 00:23
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ You seem to have been doing so much better recently, Skitz; I'm sorry to see you posting here again.

I suspect that depression is preventing you from doing the things you enjoy and.that's why life seems pointless right now. It's a long road, but I hope you can continue getting out and about, find that energy you had again and then one day, you may see things differently.

Stay strong!

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  #627  
Old 20th March 2019, 05:54
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ No need to apologise, Skitz, I know that feeling only two well. I've moved to a new area twice now, in an attempt to reinvent myself and start again - and the last time (after three years of depression and agoraphobia initially), it worked! The world is out there waiting for you, when your brain is ready.

My holiday is going well, thanks. I'm just resting up before I have lunch and trot off to the airport, to fly to my last stop, Ha Noi (apart from four hours in Bangkok then fifteen hours in Wuhan on the way home).

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  #628  
Old 20th March 2019, 12:54
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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^ I don't think I could have come here alone a year ago, it is more challenging than European destinations as English isn't widely spoken - and those who do speak it have limited vocabulary. However, most major cities in Europe are pretty easy to visit - and cheaper than the UK (if you avoid Switzerland & Scandinavia). Wherever you go, I hope you enjoy your adventure.

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  #629  
Old 22nd March 2019, 02:39
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

^ I shall. Sorry, it's filled up while I'm away and I can't delete anything from Tapatalk. I'll sort it out shortly after I'm back in the UK.

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  #630  
Old 22nd March 2019, 03:09
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: The Suicide Thread - Trigger Warning

Quote:
Originally Posted by Consolida
^^ I'm so sorry you are feeling so low Austere. Please don't feel that you need to apologise for posting your feelings here, that's exactly what this thread is for and it's the one place where you can guarantee your voice will he heard Don't give up, you have as much to offer this world as anyone else. Be gentle with yourself x
I have these thoughts too.

I sometimes wish the professionals in the UK actually listened...rather than labelled. I know some do listen (?) but I have not found any..

Iíve given up trying to talk to them as so many times they have made me feel so much worse and more like deleting from this planet..
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