Sorry if this is a bit long-winded...

[i'llfollowyouintothedark]

Hello everyone. I'm currently studying for my A Levels at sixth form college and I'd like to go to university next year (if I get the grades).
I've always been "shy" and "quiet" but I think I've become more and more anxious around other people as I've got older. I rarely speak out in a big group, but I also feel incredibly uncomfortable if I'm in a room with only one other person. It's like I'm on pins all the time. I can't answer the phone or ring anyone besides my parents, and I find it pretty much impossible to make eye contact with anyone at all. I really hate it, and I'm sure people think I'm rude because I avoid eye contact and I rarely start a conversation with anybody.
I figured that it wasn't "normal" to be like this so I started reading up on social anxiety and I recognised a lot of the symptoms in myself; I think my parents were at the end of their tether trying to get me to be more sociable, and my mum finally googled it and told me she reckons I have social anxiety.
I haven't been formally diagnosed by a doctor, but I really would like to go and see one, because I think some conclusion would put my mind at rest if nothing else. The only thing is that I feel too anxious to go and see a doctor (oh the irony), and I can't ring up and make an appointment because I'm too scared of talking to people on the phone.
My mum said we could try CBT because she said she doesn't want to go down the drugs route, although I read that a lot of people combine drug therapy with CBT, and I think I'd feel a lot more comfortable trying both rather than just one.

Tl;dr: I think I have social anxiety and I want to get checked out but I don't know really know what to say - does anybody have any advice? Also, what are the benefits and drawbacks of drug therapy as opposed to CBT?

I'd really like to get some help, because I hate the way I am and I want to change.

[this_is_the_one]

hey welcome

I had social anxiety quite badly when I started university say 5 years ago. It's a bit better now, although not quite cured. Personally I haven't tried the drugs route or the CBT route although both may be beneficial. (At first I did see a doctor and he gave me beta blockers which personally did not help much, so I stopped using them) Generally what helped me was at uni I had a small group of good friends who I could be comfortable around and be myself. Once you find a good group of friends, your true inner self can be released and you end up appreciating all the gifts to people that you can offer e.g. you may have a very good sense of humour that is only uncovered around close friends.

I would recommend that you go see a doctor at first, but don't be over reliant on medication/other people. Trying to get out this mess (if you want to get out of it that is) requires a lot of hard work and difficult decisions. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just make that call. Even now I sometimes get phone call anxiety, but I also know that if I don't make the call, I will feel even worse and more worthless.

You sound like you're still pretty young, so in the next few years you need to really put some effort in and see if you can improve your condition. I don';t know if it is possible to be cured from SA, but you can certainly improve it with some hard work. I personally find myself "faking" it all the time. I try my best to consciously speak up and act confident around others so that they can't see it.

Of course this is only my advice, others may disagree

You

[Azi]

Welcome to SAUK!

I found that writing down the things that worry me to give to the doctor/help me remember what to say really helpful. Can you get your mum to phone and make the appointment for you?

As for CBT versus medication - I found combining the two helped, but I had depression too. CBT was fab for me, but just know it's not necessarily going to fix all your problems immediately. It's a process and it does take time, but it's more than worth it, in my experience.

Edit: I forgot to add, there's help and support available for people with SA at uni - http://www.social-anxiety-community....ad.php?t=59462

[Dounia]

Well I was going to reply but Azi has said it for me!
Best of luck at the doctors.

[PussyRiot]

I was going to reply too but 'this is the one' has said it for me too!

The only thing I would add though is that 'going down the drug route' does not mean that you will have to stay on medication for ever. It could just be a kind of prop/crutch to make you feel a bit less anxious while you do all the other things suggested (make a small circle of friends/feel more comfortable talking/making eye contact). I would not completely throw the drug route out the window but it might be worth at least discussing it with the GP. I combined talking therapy with medication and I am a lot better than I was, but then it would be difficult to say what brought about the improvement. Mood stabilisers have changed my life for the better though - wish they were around when I was at uni.

Good luck x

[Appear]

Hey i'llfollow and welcome!

I really sympathise with your situation; I struggled a lot in college with SA and found it can make it very difficult to focus on studying and exams, let alone attending classes. I found talking to the doctor about it very intimidating too, and although I did it, I never really conveyed the extent my issues affected me as I was scared of being judged. Without it being taken very seriously I was recommended a book on CBT and although it was useful I definitely could have done with more help.

That was five or so years ago now. I managed to graduate from college and complete a degree, but throughout that time I've struggled immensely. It all came to a head a few months ago, so I went to the doctors and explained my situation more fully. He suggested medication, which is something I'd never liked the idea of, but at that point I felt I had nothing left to lose.

A few months on and I'm feeling completely different. I feel more myself than I have in years and although it hasn't cured my social anxiety, it's making it more manageable and helping me take the steps to improve things.

Of course medications affect people in different ways, and it may not be the right path for you, but I think it's worth staying open to all possibilities. And although it'll be difficult, I'd really try telling the doctor exactly how you feel. That way he can recommend the most appropriate course of action. With the holidays coming up too it may be a good time to start medication if the doctor suggests it - the first few weeks can be a bit rough, so you won't have to worry about missing any college.

Hope this helps!

[[Martin]]

Hello and welcome

[i'llfollowyouintothedark]

Hello and thank you so much for the advice, everyone! I'm really glad I found this forum, because I really am not sure how to deal with this and a lot of the time it feels like even close family members don't understand me (although that might just be the whiny teenager in me). Thanks so much for the advice about writing stuff down too, that hadn't occurred to me but it sounds like a brilliant idea.
I really appreciate your help and guidance, I feel like I can actually do something about this now.
Thank you

[am1000]

Hi

[i'llfollowyouintothedark]

Hi, I just wanted to say thank you all so so much for the advice I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow and I've found that writing down the key points of my feelings/behaviour makes the idea of talking about it seem a little bit less daunting, so thank you for that! The advice about treatments and therapies has also been really useful, because I honestly had no idea what kind of treatments were available and used. Thank you so much everyone for being so helpful and kind

[BennyB]

Welcome to SAUK and good luck with the Dr. I can relate to everything you've said, you are being very brave tackling this little-understood thing head on. I've struggled for many years with SA and Depression, personally found CBT, counselling & medication all a massive help. Still have days where I really struggle, but just knowing that you are not alone in your fight and developing coping strategies has made a positive difference. Best wishes

[endo_endo]

welcome everything has been said by others so all you get from me is a welcome

[Kam]

Hi and welcome

let us know how you get on.

i got diagnosed by the doctor,he did mention medications to me but i was very reluctant to do that because at that point i knew i would become to reliant on them but i did try CBT sessions and even after they had finished, i felt abandoned but i had the best years off my life "socially" after that so maybe it worked but the people here said all the rights thing in the previous messages,it took alot of hard work,determination,will to change the way i was thinking about things and myself.

good luck