SA extremely bad at the moment - can't say no to anything

shygirl2010 · #1 28th September 2022, 20:33

Hi there, I just really needed some support. I recently got out of an abusive relationship and my self esteem us even lower than usual. I'm moving out of a privately rented house this week. I've paid rent till Friday which Is supposed to be my last day and I have a child with additional needs who I have to also look after single handedly. My parents and two sisters are helping as much as they can. My landlord has been in the house all week starting the painting, I moved out Monday and have been slowly moving my stuff over. I'm just finding it so hard to say no to landlord and I even said they can take it out deposit but they just keep asking me for money, sending me shopping lists and receipts. My sister had a bit of a go at them coz I was starting to struggle with everything but not sure if that's made it worse. I hate confrontation so much and I feel so uncomfortable but really feel like they are taking advantage of because they know I'll just go along with it. Any advice for this would be so appreciated? Thanks. Shygirl. Xx

biscuits · #2 28th September 2022, 21:16

You've experienced a lot. Would your sister mind taking over the dealings with your landlord? There are times when we're not in the right place to deal with this sort of stuff and having someone to help out is amazing.

Do you mean your old landlord or your current landlord?

What are the shopping lists and receipts for?

You could show them a page from citizens advice and I'm sure they'd back off a bit.

shygirl2010 · #3 28th September 2022, 21:31

No my sister is happy to deal with them and help me a bit but I worry it makes me look weak and stupid. It's my old landlord, I have paid rent up till Friday but started moving to new place on Monday so they wanted to go in and start painting which is fine but they are there all day everyday and some of my stuff was still there which they've just dumped it all in living room. The lists and receipts are for cleaning stuff, sealant, decorators chalk, tins of paint. The house is in a bad state but I've been through so much and having a child with ADHD who is clumsy and impulsive it can be hard to manage especially now as a single mum. I'm so stressed out. I would've cleaned the house anyway but they are there everyday so making it difficult. I have to pay for a proffessional carpet cleaner tomorrow and they also want me to pay for a professional oven cleaner to come in. I just can't handle it all. I also only have between 9 and 3 everyday when my son is at school. Thanks. Xxxx

biscuits · #4 28th September 2022, 21:48

It's okay to let your sister help out if she's confident to deal with it. Asking for help from people who can help is a strength

I would have thought that they'd deduct this from your deposit rather than ask you to pay for it additionally. Might be worth contacting citizens advice to find out about this.

Fast forward to Saturday, so you'll be done with this stress x

Mr. Nobody · #5 28th September 2022, 21:50

Depends on what existing arrangements you had agreed to with the landlord when you signed the rental agreement?

I'd have imagined that part of the rental costs would have covered things like wear & tear, decorating, spring cleaning or general depreciation of asset?

It's not like you've smashed windows or damaged doors or anything,

If the landlord wants to redecorate before a new tenant takes up residency then I'd have imagined that they'd surely be bearing the cost of that?

It's not that it's uninhabitable, or not fit for purpose?
seems a bit suspect to me,...
Although I admit, I've never rented properties before,

Can you contact citizens advice beaurea and see if you can claim back costs?

Might be better if people renting property replied to this right enough,... but it seems pretty unfair to me.?

shygirl2010 · #6 28th September 2022, 22:07

Yea they claim they are selling it which I don't understand why they wouldn't just let me have this week to move and clean and then they can come in and decide if they want to keep any deposit and then can paint next week. So it does seem a bit suspect. Everytime I go round there I'm with my family and they wait till I'm on my own for a min and they ask for something and I freeze and just say yes. It sort of feels like they are manipulating me a bit. I'm just feeling so drained from it all. My social anxiety is so bad. We have been in the house nearly 8 years and they have never done any maintenance so not sure what they expect. We gave a Â£900 deposit when we moved in and I even said they can use that for any costs. I don't have much money. Thanks.

Dougella · #7 28th September 2022, 22:53

Next time you go try and make sure you're always with atleast one member of your family so they can't corner you and get you to agree to things.

If they're selling I don't think you should be having to pay for their decorating supplies, especially if like you say they've done no maintenance since you've lived there!

shygirl2010 · #8 29th September 2022, 16:26

Hey, I had a very bad day today. This morning the landlord had such a bad go at me. I cried in front of them and been crying most of the day. I felt like I was back at school being told off. They said they might have to take me to court for more money. Just made me feel so small. Like I said I've just also got out of a 12 relationship with an alcoholic and abuser so the stress of all that trauma has taken its toll. Just feel so awful and like I'm a horrible person. Xxxx

Bluebear · #9 29th September 2022, 16:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygirl2010

Hey, I had a very bad day today. This morning the landlord had such a bad go at me. I cried in front of them and been crying most of the day. I felt like I was back at school being told off. They said they might have to take me to court for more money. Just made me feel so small. Like I said I've just also got out of a 12 relationship with an alcoholic and abuser so the stress of all that trauma has taken its toll. Just feel so awful and like I'm a horrible person. Xxxx

Hi shygirl, I'm sorry about all the stress you're going through and about the **** of a landlord telling you off.

That seems completely wrong him telling you that! What an A hole he must be!

You're absolutely not a horrible person. It sounds like the abuser you were in a relationship with is a horrible person. Things will get better as a bit of time passes and you're away from him.

I hope the new place you're going to doesn't have a landlord who is a piece of ****

xx

Dougella · #10 29th September 2022, 16:57

That's terrible! There's no way the landlord should be saying that to you, or taking any money from you in the first place. Tell your family and get as much support about this as you can, you're not in the wrong here.

Clumsy* · #11 30th September 2022, 00:56

Shygirl, your landlord is a bully and deserves a kick in the nether regions.

It's very clear that you are vulnerable after the long abusive relationship you've been through, and that you now are unable to stand up these sharks, who lack basic human decency.

They are the horrible people, not you. They have no right to have spoken to you in this way, they shouldn't have asked you to shop for their supplies. It's really appalling how they treated you.

I'm sure what they're doing is illegal. They're also using scaring tactics on you, because you are more likely to be the one to get compensation if this goes to court.

Because you've been through so much, it is quite understandable that you are not able to defend yourself, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

After you've moved out, I'd urge you to talk to Citizens Advice (as Biscuits said) to see how you can get your money back, and so you can get validation that what the landlord is doing to you is wrong.

Also, I really encourage you to talk Women's Aid as you need help recovering from the abuse. They may be able to help your child too

shygirl2010 · #12 1st October 2022, 08:34

Hi, my tenancy ended yesterday and was relieved to hand back keys but landlord said now there's a rusty radiator that needs replacing and a few other things they will send me a bill for. Made me feel sick because spent so much as it is. They have also been in my house all week even though I had paid rent up till yesterday and so they also had an extra Â£100 rent that I didn't use.

Thanks. Xxxx

Dougella · #13 1st October 2022, 09:43

^ You're definitely not responsible for the radiator! Don't pay that. Show your family the messages, I'm sure they will support you and help you say no.

anewyear · #14 1st October 2022, 11:02

If anything a rusty radiator shows they haven't done any maintenance on the place although is realistically just wear and tear. It's definitely not your issue. The taking to court bit sounds like a total bluff and would more likely find in your favour.

Be sure to cancel any direct debit you might've set up so they can't try and use that to extort more money.

Aelwyn · #15 1st October 2022, 16:27

If you haven't already done so, keep a written record of everything that has happened, with dates if possible, and keep all the bill receipts, or copies of them if the landlord is hanging on to them. This all sounds wrong, and I think you might be able to claim a lot of the money back that you have paid out. Have you spoken to Citizens Advice yet?

This link might be some help:

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housi...es_for_repairs

shygirl2010 · #16 5th October 2022, 17:34

Hi again everyone. Like I said I handed back keys on Friday and the landlord said they would bill me for repairs. I was hoping they wouldn't and that would be the end of it. I just received a really long and horrible text message from them saying that they will soon bill me for the repairs and they want payment within 7 days or they will take me to small claims court. I'm so scared and worried. I feel terrible. What should I do?

Thanks. Shygirl. Xxxx

Dougella · #17 5th October 2022, 17:38

Show your family the message!

Don't pay anything, they absolutely cannot take you to the small claims court. If you need to get one of your family members to write a message back saying you do not owe them anything and then block their number.

shygirl2010 · #18 5th October 2022, 17:56

I just don't think they will let this go. I know the place was a bit of a mess but I've been through so much and as a single mum with a child with additional needs it's been so hard. They said I should've been cleaning with them last week but I felt bullied and intimidated and knew nothing would've been good enough. Also they have Â£900 deposit and on top of that my dad paid for a load of cleaning and decorating supplies for them and for the carpets to be professionally cleaned. I just don't know what more I can do. I'm only human.

Hollie · #19 5th October 2022, 18:41

I'm sorry you're going through this

they sound like bullies. And surely this is what the deposit is for? I don't know much about this kind of thing but this might be useful?:
https://england.shelter.org.uk/housi...ur_rented_home
It sounds like they're asking way too much from you

Mr. Nobody · #20 5th October 2022, 22:18

Quote:

Whoâ€™s responsible for decorating a rental property?
The landlord is normally responsible for decorating a rental property. Itâ€™s rare that the tenant needs to redecorate at the end of a tenancy, although itâ€™s sometimes included in a tenancy agreement.

If the tenant damages the interior of the property, you may be able to keep part of their deposit to pay for redecoration and repairs. But keep in mind, if redecoration is needed because of normal wear and tear, this is the landlordâ€™s responsibility youâ€™ll need to pay for it â€“ you canâ€™t make a deposit deduction for this reason.

biscuits · #21 5th October 2022, 22:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygirl2010

I just don't think they will let this go. I know the place was a bit of a mess but I've been through so much and as a single mum with a child with additional needs it's been so hard. They said I should've been cleaning with them last week but I felt bullied and intimidated and knew nothing would've been good enough. Also they have Â£900 deposit and on top of that my dad paid for a load of cleaning and decorating supplies for them and for the carpets to be professionally cleaned. I just don't know what more I can do. I'm only human.

Hi Shygirl,

Don't reply to their message at all.

Ask your sister to go with you to Citizens Advice and they'll be able to give you professional legal advice about what to do. Take the messages and evidence of the things you've paid for. Also any written correspondences that you've received (texts, emails etc.). Take your tenancy agreement too and anything you've signed. Any inventories etc.

They can reassure you about your rights. They'll help you with template letters/emails to send regarding getting your deposit back.

This isn't what you need at all

but it will get sorted with some professional support to back you up.

So sorry that you're experiencing this