Making Friends

Lotts · #1 16th October 2007, 17:59

I have SA though it has improved considerably in the last few years. I do voluntary work part-time and I'm thinking of applying to university to start next autumn. I wouldn't consider the people I work with to be my friends as I dont have that much in common with them apart from the fact that we are all volunteers. I do have a laugh with them at work but cant see myself socialising with them.

I am 23 and female. I haven't mixed with people my own age since leaving school (age 18). I dont feel super-attractive and so am insecure about my looks. I know that theres more to life than physical appearance, but I would like to feel attractive to the opposite sex. I am only 5 ft and would love to have more of a physical prescence.

I have tried an evening course to make friends but the individuals, although very pleasant, are in their 40s and 50s. I have thought about getting a part-time job but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. MY SA flares up sometimes making me feel quite inadequate and insecure.

Im sure this is a situation that many SA sufferers have faced and have overcome. So, any advice would be much, much appreciated.
How can I make friends?

Thank you,

Lotts.

james_S · #2 16th October 2007, 21:59

I seem to be in a similar position to you, apart from still being at sixth form. Although there are lots of people there I don't really know if I call them 'friends' or not, but I seem to have a fairly enjoyable time when there is something in common, and then going on from there.

Not much help if you're not in a similar position, but at least you're trying. If you go to uni there'll probably be clubs and stuff that you can meet people through, plus you'll see that people are all normal, no matter how they seem from afar. May not help with the making friends but is a bit comforting.

Apart from that, just join a local club (look in local paper) or find out more about the people you volunteer with and see if the stuff they do interests you and see.

Most of all, good luck.

#3 17th October 2007, 03:08

Hi there Lotts,

I think there's quite a few of us in the same position as you and it is sometimes difficult to meet people or make friends due to SA or also the circumstances/environment you're in at the time.

I think the fact that you're looking to go to Uni would hopefully help the issue anyway, but also have you thought about looking for another job?

Do you go the gym? If you have a hobbie that involves attending somewhere, then that's also a good place to start.

Forums like this is another good place and also depending on what you think of online dating agencies (i don't like them one bit) but i believe there's a friendship only section there somewhere, ive never seen it but im sure you can do that.

Also, try not to think to low of yourself, im sure you're a lovely person, and as you already say it's not about physical appearence, it's what's in your heart that counts.

Take care of you for me,
Danny.

Chazzer · #4 8th November 2007, 16:22

Hey there

I've been in the same position too, but i think for me university helped me more because it forces you to be in a situation where you have to mix with people. I joined loads of clubs and societies and even though being around large groups of people was almost emotional torture, it is slowly starting to help me deal with it.
Hobbies is a good idea to meet people. I dunno what else to say but you can PM me if you like. I'm always up for a natter.

ßazzaOld · #5 9th November 2007, 18:49

Interesting as I relate alot with you, also as a volunteer I can have a laugh with those others who volunteer. Those who are doing 'job experience' are generally boring and naggy so I dont bother with them. Those who are actual volunteers or paid really are fun to be around but besides within work I wouldnt really socialise with them.

I also go to college and I dont really relate to anyone so it makes it difficult.. I can get along with them.. I can hang with them between lessons.. but I wouldnt do much more with them. Thats more a fact I wouldnt want to with those people though than any other reason.

I often wonder when reading posts like this if they work where I work lol and I wouldnt know..

I think you are doing the right thing, I think I am. It just takes time to find those people you truly 'connect' with. I have become more skilled over the years of doing this and it has certainly more beneficial to me than not trying.

Making friends online isnt so bad or as difficult either. The meetings can be a great place to meet others, although they may live a long way away you know they are your friends and have fun with them within an environment outside of work etc.

Lotts · #6 9th November 2007, 19:46

Hi,

Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I have to admit I'm feeling quite despondant and disillusioned at the moment. I've tried doing afew evening classes over the last few months. I tried to persevere with one of them but gave it up in the end. The problem is the people there were either alot older than me or the younger people tended to go with people they already knew.

I desperately want to meet and mix with like-minded people who are of a similar age to me.

What can I do????

james_S · #7 9th November 2007, 22:44

I've found that meeting people from the 'net is good. You do have to be mindful of who/where/when but the ones I have met have been really quite cool and I've had a good time (often better than with the people I know through school or whatever).

Dunno if you're on any forums relating to stuff which you are interested in, but that is how I've met these people, and if you talk with them on MSN or just on the board it can help give things to talk about when seeing face-to-face, as well as getting an idea on their character and all that other stuff I have no ****ing clue how to work out when meeting 'normal' people (i.e. those I haven't had any contact with before meeting in person at parties or work or whatever).

broken_chords · #8 10th November 2007, 15:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by hannah_on_toast

Lotts, I know exactly how you feel. Every time I try to do things to make friends there seems to be no one there that I can be friends with! They're either way older or the people my age seem to already have groups of friends, so I'm just their class friend.

I'm in the exact same position at work. I'm the only male member of the TA staff, there's only about 3 girls my age and I find it hard to speak to them in that environment. One of them even seems quite shy like me, but when I had a chance to speak to her on her own I just felt like I was being awkward and weird and perhaps too forthcoming (even though I was just asking her about the job, and what she did before she started it). Maybe things will change, but making the first move and then being comfortable in a crowded environment seem like impossible tasks right now.

I'm very much open to making new friends. I live in Exeter, and I'd love to widen my social circle. It's more like a social blip right now.

Lotts · #9 10th November 2007, 15:49

I live in Nottinghamshire.

It seems that alot of you have had very positive experiences of making friends via the internet but to be honest I am really keen to meet people in a social context - 'face to face.' I just dont know how to do it.

psychocandy · #10 13th November 2007, 22:55

I think meeting someone on the internet and then in person still counts as a social context. I wouldn't dismiss that entirely. You could at least try it as a first step.

Four Star · #11 15th November 2007, 01:04

I've been shedding my friends gradually for about 8 years now, and they were all made while I was at school. Down to my last couple now really. About 3 years ago I took a decision to go to uni, and moved into halls. It backfired quite badly and I was left feeling totally isolated in the midst of parties and fun going on all around me. I didn't go back after the Christmas break. This is the worst part, when you actually make the effort to attend events / go to uni etc and it fails miserably.

I'm now at uni again, this time living at home, and I have got a couple of people I chat with at classes, the other shy ones basically, but no real "friends". I'm still trying to figure out what sparks a true friendship rather than just an acquaintance. I think a shared interest is one of the keys, but obviously there has to be subtle chemistry too.

james_S · #12 18th November 2007, 16:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Four Star

I have got a couple of people I chat with at classes, the other shy ones basically, but no real "friends". I'm still trying to figure out what sparks a true friendship rather than just an acquaintance. I think a shared interest is one of the keys, but obviously there has to be subtle chemistry too.

QFT.