What I did today - for small achievements and cheers

[MissKatie]

After my initial struggled with this company they already want me to run sites on days. They don't have enough praise for me.

Which I feel really weird about. I know I'm good at my job but I never got any praise at my last job directly and I don't know how to take it.

The standards in this company are shockingly low so it's obvious I look amazing.

But where's the win in this? I think I would be comfortable running a day shift for these. A day shift here is usually 3-4 people doing 90% systems work and usually the people are at least competent.

This is such a huge leap from where I was a decade ago it's unreal.

I actually feel a little proud of myself.

[gregarious_introvert]

^ A little? You should feel very proud: not only have you come a long way in that decade, but you've returned to work after some time away and not only found your rhythm quickly, but done so enough to impress - and in (from what you describe) a male-dominated environment.

You couldn't really have done more, give yourself the credit you're due.

Sent from my M2010J19CG using Tapatalk

[MissKatie]

^

Thank you genuinely!

I do think I'm maybe being a bit typically British understating my achievements, so it's always nice to hear an outside perspective of how I am doing.

[Merry]

^ Yes, Amazingly well
Let yourself feel proud of yourself

[Percy]

Well done young lady.

[Chess&Junkfood]

It sounds like it's going well for you, Katie. I'm happy for you!

[choirgirl]

Really well done.

[Merry]

I started my MA about 6 weeks ago. The first week I caught covid and was then ill for two weeks. The third week I went back in and was so overwhelmed and felt so useless, both in terms of navigating the in person day, the admin and technology and in terms of my lack of skills and knowledge and creativity. After that day I cried all weekend and decided to withdraw.

Then I decided to swap courses, but I pictured myself on a different course and knew I'd feel just as useless, so I spoke to a few lovely discord friends and also my family and it seemed sensible to at least give it a few weeks (until I have to pay!)
The following week I felt just the same, but instead of running away I quietly, and in a slightly mortified fashion asked two nice people who I sit with if they could give me a bit of advice on digital skills. They showed me procreate and told me I didn't need an expensive computer (which I thought I did after only asking advice in a computer shop!) but could get in on my ipad for about a tenner. So I downloaded that and am starting to learn it.

Last week was half term, tomorrow is my in person course day and I'm starting to feel anxious and dwell on my uselessness.

So I thought I'd come here instead to list the achievements;
I applied for an MA, and got a place.
I was sick with terror in the weeks leading up to it, but turned up.
I've been honest about my difficulties and asked for help from the outset.
I was invited to a party and, rather than make a rubbish excuse, I said that I really appreciated being invited (I did, I don't get invited to much) but that parties make me really anxious, especially if I don't know people.
I'm doing as much work for it as I'm able, and even though the voice in my head keeps telling me that it's a waste of time because I'm old and there's a billion young people with much better skills, I keep ignoring the voice because I do actually enjoy the work.

I've been through a lot lately (on top of a lot of illness in the last few years there's been a court case and financial problems) but I am coping. It's not easy, but I'm coping.

[biscuits]

^ aww, Nanuq :D that is truly amazing. Being open and honest about struggles and anxieties is really hard, but also really beneficial especially because it shows how kind and chilled people are.

That little inside voice will continue to quieten down and sometimes it will be loud, but you're finding ways to move through it.

(I use Procreate :D I love it. Well, I don't really know how to use all of the features so it's been trial and error - heavy on the error! Although I've misplaced my Apple Pencil, so haven't used it for a while!

[Merry]

Thank you Biscuits
Oh nooo, not your papple pen!!!
I only got one last week, it's so nice. I hope yours turns up soon, remember not to dip it in your tea like one woman from my course did, she forgot she wasn't really painting and thought her tea was the water jar!

[MissKatie]

My driver had to go home early due to family issues. I believe him, he didn't just have enough.
Leaving me stranded in London essentially.

Tomorrow morning I have to make my way back from Central London to Croydon.
I've a route planned and I'm pretty good in London, but it's a whole heap of stress I didn't need or want.

Still, gonna find a way to manage. When I'm fresh, London and people are easy peasy but when I'm tired, looking grotty with a long journey on a route I don't know, it's gonna be tough.

Why here? Cos I've got to do it therefore I am celebrating early haha

[Percy]

Good luck Miss Katie

[MissKatie]

Made my own way back through London and the underground and a long arse train home.
I thought I was doing okay without wearing my facemask for once.

Turns out, the hotel lighting was shockingly poor and I thought I looked decent, wasn't until I got home and noticed two things.

1. The button over my boobs had popped open at some point and my boobs were kinda showing lol

2. My makeup was awful. I looked like I had major sunburn over the lower half of my face and my forehead was missing patches of makeup lmao

I'm surprised more people didn't stare at me, but then, it IS London, I doubt it was the weirdest thing theyve saw that morning lol

The great thing is, I don't care. Of course I'm unhappy I looked so bad, but I don't care what others thought of me. Social anxiety? Ppfftt

[Percy]

Well done young lady. I'm sure you looked stunning.

[MissKatie]

Being taken off this job and put on an "important flagship site" because of my "skills"

I still find it very weird as I genuinely don't think I do anything special at work, just my job competently, but they do.

Like every job beforehand, I've been seen as an excellent worker.

That's a win isn't it?

[BFG_]

Originally Posted by BFG_

I told my manager he's rubbish at his job. I then arranged for him to have to meet with his deputy plus myself so that he could be shown how to do his job properly.

Originally Posted by Dougella

^ You are a brave man. How did he take it?

Originally Posted by Percy

Well done BFG. Incompetent bosses should always be called out.

Originally Posted by BFG_

^^ he didn't say a single word to me during the visit.

I don't think I'm on his Christmas card list anymore

^ thanks

Manager is either sacked or has resigned we all got an email about it. Oops.

[Amara 94]

Not much of an achievement but decided to study in my local library. I think maybe initially I was going to go to my uni’s library but the distance of travel, cost, also puts me off. Seem more able to study there than home. And feel a bit more happier now.

But as a result of going library late I will miss todays class although I don’t think it’s too much of a deal as the classes are basically a tutorial of how to approach certain aspects of general university modules.

[Dougella]

Yesterday i had to go to the dentist to have a filling redone. I was so nervous, especially in the waiting room i was starting to feel sick, tearful and had a really strong feeling that i just wanted to leave. But i managed not to, got the filling done and the dentist was very nice. So a small achievement for the start of the year.

[Chess&Junkfood]

That's great, Dougie! I'm glad it went well for you!

[Dougella]

Thankyou Chess

[Dougella]

^ Thanks NeverWas. Yes it is extremely unnerving.

[Tubbs]

Nice one Dougella! I don't envy you, haven't been to the dentist myself in well over 15 years.

Well done for getting through that.

[Dougella]

Thanks Tubbs it's not an enjoyable place to go, usually!

[Captain Crunch]

My life took a major kicking recently. I was scammed out of a lot of money and then HMRC decided I owe them tax and gave me a negative tax code (meaning no personal tax allowance). I'd also previously arranged to retire from work at the end of 2023. I regret my retirement choice as I no longer have the financial fall-back that I thought I'd have although my state pension starts in just over two years.

Things are not quite as bleak as I initially thought as I've been accepted to be a freelancer for my previous company although company rules state that I can't take up this role until mid-February. If I can manage a day or two a week then that'll do. It has the added bonus of me being able to decline any offered shifts I don't fancy.

I've been feeling very anxious, stressed and depressed over the past few weeks and this has lightened my load somewhat.

Onwards and upwards

[Dougella]

That's great news Captain_Crunch As you say, onwards and upwards.

[Captain Crunch]

Originally Posted by Dougella

That's great news Captain_Crunch As you say, onwards and upwards.

Thank you Dougella

[Dougella]

Another small achievement for the start of the year, i went and had a "lady test" done that i was pretty overdue for. The nurse was nice and it was over quickly, so much easier than it might have been

[girlinterrupted]

^Oh well done! I'd say that's a pretty big achievement- not looked forward to by most people but can have a huge impact!

I made myself go for a walk and get some exercise when really I just wanted to hibernate. As usual it was lovely once I got going, albeit freezing . Now off to be productive with some of the energy the sunshine gave me.

[Dougella]

Thankyou

Going for a walk is always good once you get going isn't it, especially if the sun's out. Definitely worth the effort of doing.

[Jen.]

I went to a beginner's crochet class after a lot of build up, and it was fine... there were only three other people there plus the instructor, two knew each other already but nobody was really talking at all anyway. I just went to learn something, rather than in an attempt to make friends. However, after I got the hang of what I was doing, I quickly realised that I hate it It's boring to do, I find wool irritating to touch, I don't like the look of crocheted items and would almost certainly never bother to make anything with it. Oh well. It was annoying realising that half an hour in and then feeling too awkward to leave and spending the rest of the session hate-crocheting a square that ended up in the bin. The next thing to aim for after going to these things is walking out of them early.