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  #1  
Old 3rd August 2018, 21:31
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Although I haven't posted here in a while, I know very well that a lot of people out there don't like small talk and especially this question. Two reasons for this; it can feel like being put into a pigeonhole and, it can lead to soundbyte responses that can leave you hanging and can turn the conversation into an interrogation.

The role of all small talk questions, including this one is to find common ground, related topics and to steer the conversation into more productive directions.

Today, I've thought up some strategies of getting off this topic when you really don't want to talk about it or when it's going nowhere. What I want is to ask for some opinions of each one of them. Here's what I came up with, check out all of them rather than one or two;

*Could you turn the conversation onto the topic of opinions about small talk (chances are the other person hates small talk too)?

*Could we ask people whether they like being asked the what do you do question?

*Could you ask them what they would assume about someone by the work that they do?

*Could you share your own observations about how people react when you've asked them what they do? That a lot of people become nervous, unenthusiastic? Could we go one step further by mentioning what's on their mind?

*Could you even steer the topic to why do we ask people what they do? Do we hope to find things in common with them or do you try to pigeon-hole people?

*Could you bring up the opinion that humans are multi-dimensional beings & there's more to them than how they earn their cash? (assert this opinion in a none-defensive, curious way)

What I would like to do is ask for some opinions on these ways of answering the question and steering the conversation. Each and every one of these ways has pros and cons, I would like to hear some opinions of each of them.

I fundamentally disagree with the idea 'you are what you do' & believe that there's so much more to the people than this. What someone does tells us nothing about whether we'd enjoy their sense of humor, whether we'd 'get' each other, whether we'd otherwise enjoy each other's company, whether we'd find interests we never knew you would have in common.

Anyway, which ones of these ideas sound good, which ones sound not so good? Would love to see some opinions of each one mentioned.

EDIT;
Bring these up after you've exchanged what you do or if the conversation is starting to fizzle, not as a direct reply.

Thanks
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  #2  
Old 3rd August 2018, 22:32
lone*star lone*star is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I might be missing the point here, but rather than over-complicating things, wouldn't it be easier all round to simply tell the other person what you do - in other words, to be honest with them? And presumably, they're likely to find out sooner or later in any case, so why the apparent need to put it off?
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  #3  
Old 4th August 2018, 11:25
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I think the replies to this have missed hollowone's point which is not about putting off saying what you do or being dishonest about it, but about how to move the conversation on to something else once you've said it. A lot of us don't want to talk for long to people about our jobs or lack of one.

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Dan
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  #4  
Old 4th August 2018, 12:41
slrrrrp slrrrrp is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I dunno but one idea might be to get them to talk about THEIR job - chances are, since they brought up the subject, they like talking about it - and that takes the heat off you. But maybe that feels unsatisfactory if you yourself don't want to pigeon hole people according to their job...

As I said at the beginning, I dunno.

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Dan
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  #5  
Old 4th August 2018, 13:38
lone*star lone*star is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Quote:
Originally Posted by slrrrrp
A lot of us don't want to talk for long to people about our jobs or lack of one.

I agree - it would bore me to tears to talk about my job for long in a purely social situation, especially to people I don't know well.

So what's my answer to the problem then? Simple: I don't go out talking to people!
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  #6  
Old 4th August 2018, 14:26
kirbycrackle kirbycrackle is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Just say ' I'm between things at the moment ' or thinking about studying or something vague. It's more annoying when people who know you aren't working continually ask when they see you...as if to say he still hasn't got a job. Nosey wankers.

On the flip side people that waffle on about their jobs as if the world gives a shit are boring and self important. Just as big a turn off imo.
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  #7  
Old 4th August 2018, 16:18
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I tend to be honest with people but find it incredibly awkward to talk about myself. People are not simply what they do for a living, it doesn't define a person, that seems really obvious to me anyway.

I don't think getting defensive is the right option though; a conversation really shouldn't be a competition. Just try to be honest, because being a defensive liar is probably not a good first impression with people anyway. If you don't work due to SA problems then maybe just say its personal or something like that and try to move on to other more positive things. Working is very important to people and the economy, and people can and do abuse the system by claiming they can't work, that's mostly what people have an issue with.
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  #8  
Old 5th August 2018, 12:11
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Even when I was working, my stock answer to this would be "as little as I can get away with", which usually (but not always) raised a smile. Many, many years ago I met a lady who was embarrassed about her job and hated that question, so it's one I never ask but as I've got older, I realise that it's one people expect to be asked. As HH has mentioned, it's simply an icebreaker so it's not normally difficult to move the conversation on.

Also, I've worked in the Civil Service, so I can say without lying that I've signed the Official Secrets Act and I'm bound by it!
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  #9  
Old 5th August 2018, 13:32
Steve81 Steve81 is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Am I right in thinking that you are positing these responses once you have been asked the 'what do you do question'?

All of your options are fine in principle I think, but it does depend on the situation. I think one thing that sits redolently with me when I think back to the times I have been asked this question, is that the questioner isn't my friend and won't likely to be. I get it quite often from female barbers when I get my haircut during the day. (I hated going so much that I get my wife to do it.) Churches also seem to be a place where you get asked this. It's more than a neutral passing the time question and often used as a social judgment. Church congregations in my experience at least are often middle class and snobbish, whilst female barbers are often more, how can I put it, judging men as strong guys who should be on a building site during the day and not having their hair cut.
Absolutely people should be judged for what type of people they are, but sadly a lot of people only want to know you because of the job that they do. I know, been there, got the t shirt. Now I stay away from the type of people who are snobbishly judgmental.

If on the other hand that you sense the person is genuinely friendly, be as honest as you feel comfortable with. If the person then reacts negatively to what you tell them, again that's just something you have to accept.
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  #10  
Old 5th August 2018, 13:42
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I've also found hairdressers will ask you if you're having a day off work when you get your hair cut on a weekday morning or afternoon.
I work freelance so can have a haircut when I like, is the simple answer.
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  #11  
Old 5th August 2018, 22:37
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Goodness, so many good points, where do I start;
@ slrrrp
Quote:
I think the replies to this have missed hollowone's point which is not about putting off saying what you do or being dishonest about it, but about how to move the conversation on to something else once you've said it. A lot of us don't want to talk for long to people about our jobs or lack of one.
Absoluately & thankyou, I should have made that clear in the OP but was feeling very fired-up and enthused at the time of posting.
@Hermann Hesse
Quote:
I think the thing to realise is that people ask "what you do" because A) They are also, like 99% of us, crap at conversation B) are testing to see the openness to small talk C) Filling the awkward silence quicker than you have D) not interested, with a complete stranger, in a deep discussion about the sociology of roles or the philosophy of human being.
The first three points, you've hit the nail on the head, people are mostly innocent. Still, I'm curious what would happen if at a later point in the conversation, we bring up the topic of why we ask the question.
@Lonestar
Quote:
I agree - it would bore me to tears to talk about my job for long in a purely social situation, especially to people I don't know well.

So what's my answer to the problem then? Simple: I don't go out talking to people!
The only caveat to that approach is, you'll miss-out.

@ Jonny
Quote:
Pretty much! I hate people asking me what I do as I'm on benefits but it feels a lot more awkward lying than just telling them the truth. Lying can work, no doubt, but it is a burden
Absolutely; it's best not to lie whether you think your job is 'crap' or whether you're on benefits, lying can dig you into holes and cause you more stress at a later time. My usual strategy is to be honest about my situation, then tell them what I do with the rest of my time. That seems to work & steer the conversation to more productive directions.
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  #12  
Old 8th August 2018, 11:10
DanielleGaresh DanielleGaresh is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Personally I hate people whose first question is 'what do you do'.

I live in London so it may be more typical to here but I find people ask that to assign a value to you and if they deem your job to be below theirs they will move swiftly on. If they think your job is cool or has high pay or social clout they will be your best friend.

Such an artificial city.

I now answer 'street sweeper' if they still want to talk to me about that i know they are a quality person

(PS nothing at all in my eyes with a street sweeper but yuppie londoners are on a different planet)
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  #13  
Old 9th August 2018, 00:43
sillypenguin sillypenguin is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

I've been asked this a LOT recently because I've been volunteering and been meeting so much people, so yeah small talk has been inevitable. Luckily I'm starting back my studies soon so it's been more interesting talking about being a student and what I aspire to do than job hunting....
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  #14  
Old 9th August 2018, 22:43
hollowone hollowone is offline
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Default Re: Alternative ways to answer the 'what do you do' question

Quote:
I live in London so it may be more typical to here but I find people ask that to assign a value to you and if they deem your job to be below theirs they will move swiftly on. If they think your job is cool or has high pay or social clout they will be your best friend.
OMFG!! Not talking to you just from hearing your job title! What sort of over-qualified, ego-inflated cretins are you dealing with!?
Quote:
I now answer 'street sweeper' if they still want to talk to me about that i know they are a quality person
Totally, good way to weed out the wheat from the chaff. I don't care whether they have a ****ing doctorate, if they don't want to talk to people based on the answer to one small talk question, they're not worth getting to know & they've probably got the wrong approach to making friends. I bet you that underneath their superficial glamourous lifestyles, a lot of those people are probably as lonely as hell & lacking in decent genuine friends.

The irony is of laziness; deciding someone's not worth talking to based on what they do, the presumption being they're 'lazier' than you. Well, THEY'RE the one's being lazy for being that shallow. If you decide not to talk to someone based on what they tell you they do for a living, then that's as shallow & mentally lazy as not talking to someone for saying they like rap, jazz or classical.
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