#61
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
[ ..............make sure I have more of a balance in my life, time to spend............ [/quote]
Balance! Wouldn't life be simpler if we all had perfect balance and a perfectly balanced view on life! (that is a rhetorical question, so it doesn't need a question mark) Time spends itself! whatever we do it goes on. It doesn't matter if we look back - time only ever goes forward. I know it's easy to put these words on a screen, but I don't have a fat lot else to do! |
#62
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Firstly, Hello from a new member of the forum.
As to the topic of the thread, I stay at home all the time. I hardly ever go out socially anymore. I suppose I am luckier than some people with SA though, as I am still able to work, even if it is getting increasingly difficult for me to even face my work mates everyday. My anxiety has its peaks and troughs. Sometimes I can be relatively calm, even though there is always an underlying tension and nervousness just under the surface. But then there are times I'm unable to even leave the house or answer the door or the telephone. |
#63
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
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#64
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I am on disability while my boyfriend works. I am afraid to drive here so usually stuck at home. I am 32
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#65
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Welcome to the board!
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#66
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Hi featherstone,
I am also 32 and haven't learned to drive yet, am waiting to get my provisional driving license. Sitting in a car with someone observing what I do is a high anxiety thing for me but I know there are some people who can drive but don't because of their anxiety too. You are not alone! |
#67
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Quote:
I worked full-time up until 3 and a half years and when my SA got the better of me and I just walked out on my job, had a bit of a breakdown. For the past couple of years, I've been having to teach my daughter at home, so I've had an 'excuse' to stay at home, if you like. Although, I would like to get better so that I can go back to work when I finished educating her |
#68
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I'm 33 and stay at home, only going out to the local shops or to relatives houses. I see everyone else around working and leading a full and productive life and I wonder why it all went wrong for me.
I had a really bad time in school and in college and am so afraid of being in a work situation and being treated the same way again. Life is hard now but more bearable than it was when I was being hounded by others day in and day out. |
#69
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I m a single stay at home mum just now who needs to get out the house and F.....G meet people!!!
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#70
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I went back to work after 13 years of being a stay at home mum. Didnt want to go back to work but hubby thought it would help my anxiety. So, I have been doing two night shifts a week for the past 17 months and I still dont fit in, still sit there feeling like the odd one out, still panic and sit on my own because I dont feel strong enough to join in. Still, it brings in some extra money eh!!!
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#71
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
what type of work do you do - and after 13 years at home was it difficult to re-enter the job market - did you have to re-train or anything?
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#72
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
It's a while since I posted on the board but I am desperate and need to let off some steam.
I am 33 and lived on income support for many years and recently have been told I have to go for another medical. I've been through these in the past and they have left me ill for weeks. In the past I have had to have home vists as I have been so upset, the reason being I can't handle being around people in authority and can't deal with medical situations. Each time the experience seems to get worse and worse, the last time, about five years ago, the doctor did not even speak to me as I sat there in tears, not even being able to look at the doctor. This time I just could not face going through with it and it looks as though I have now lost my only source of income. I have been told by my parents that they won't kick me out but I feel even worse about myself now I can't contribute anything in a small way. I will no longer be able to receive my medication for my nerves that I take once a day and neither will I receive my diabetic medication which I take five times a day. I am also experiencing some diabetic related complications like tingling and pain in my feet but now I will no longer probably be able to receive any treatment. I am so worried about the future and do not feel that I have a future left. The thought of working around people day in, day out terrifies as I was constantly bullied at school and college and even fell out with a pshyciatrist who I saw many years ago. All my life people have judged me on my looks and made comments like you "ugly b......" and so on. I firmly believe this what has made me the way I am. I know there's nothing anyone can do or suggest but I just had to let off some steam and I don't feel comforatble saying anything face to face. The future looks so bleak, it's an effort trying to go on. |
#73
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I gave up work a couple of years ago to become self-employed, I had recently split from ex-wife and wasn't handling it very well to the detriment of my work. It was good at first but now I miss the opportunity of interacting with others. I've only recently started to consider I have a problem with SA, I knew something wasn't right but hadn't tried to pin it down. I now think working alone from home has not been a good move for me although I do like the fact that I don't have to talk to anybody for days at a time, but I know it's not good for me.
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#74
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
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#75
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I've had SA and depression for many, many years. SA never having been a recognised condition, I always thought I was terrified of everything because of my depression. Only now do I see it was the other way round.
I seldom leave the house, and rarely see anyone. I had my phone taken out last year because I could not bear to speak to people on it - oddly, I find it easier to talk face to face, as long as it's neutral, eg. shops. Yet I am terrribly lonely. I sit alone day after day, wanting my 'proper' life to start. At times I pace up and down, frustrated to hell. (Occasionally I have a good day. I got up the nerve to join a reading group, one hour a month, and tho the first meeting was an absolute disaster, I made myself go to the second one, and it wasn't so bad). I WANT to be mainstream. I want to be confident and outgoing. I've got cupboards full of fabulous clothes, all with the labels still on, many waaay out of fashion, they've hung there so long. Hey - I can call myself retro! People used to invite me to join them, but eventually gave up. I always feel that the whole world is one happy family, and I'm the intruder. I am extremely grateful for the public and private messages of support from other SAUK members. Thank you. |
#76
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
andor, I can identify a lot with what you've described and often see myself as the spectre at the feast, like my SA creates an awkward atmosphere for others. I wouldn't go so far as removing my phone, although I often put it under a cushion and check messages rather than answer it.
Well done on joining the reading group (is that the same thing as a book club?), hope it works out for you. |
#77
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Hi - another one at home here. Im 34 now and in some ways have lost hope of having an independent free life.
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#78
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I am 45 and in the last twenty years have only done voluntary work For the last five years I have looked after my partner, who has become disabled.
I would love to work for human rights. But dealing with people, in person, terrifies me and I have to make do with doing what I can on the net. My partner has multiple problems and failing health and I am fighting for his rights nearly every day - by phone and by email. Just as long as they cannot SEE ME I used to go to classes, but even that is beyond me now. Stef. Last edited by stef; 1st September 2008 at 00:39. Reason: spelling wrong |
#79
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Sorry about your partner, Stef. It certainly sounds as if you have a lot on your plate - keep fighting
I'm 32, married mother of one and have always worked full-time - that is until I walked out on my job just over 4 years ago due to SA and depression. Then, about 18 months later, I had to take my daughter out of school (now aged 11) because of bullying and have been teaching her at home ever since. She's still quite insistent on never going to any school, ever again, so it looks as if I'll probably have to home-educate her for the next five years, which gives me a convenient and plausible reason to stay at home. However, I do realise that I can't do that forever and really, I wouldn't want to because it's not fair on my husband and we would obviously be better off with both of us working. I would like to re-train as a counsellor or something like that, but I need to get myself better first |
#80
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Thanks Kat.
I think the fact that have your own experiences of SA to draw on, will probably make you an excellent counsellor |
#81
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I`m still at home but don`t have any choice though.
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#82
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I'm 34 and started working last year after a 2 year break. It was my only choice really, I just needed to do something otherwise I would have spiralled further and further down and through therapy I had started to realise that.
Even though I dred going in every day and have to take a deep breath and steel myself before walking through the door I'm glad I made the decision to return to work. At the end of every day I can walk out of there thinking, that's another day I've managed to get through .... thank f**k for that!!!! |
#83
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I am 38 and I have not worked for more than 5 years. It has become yet another reason why I avoid people as I hate it if anyone asks what I do for a living.
I did have a good well paid job in my twenties but a series of unfortunate events meant I ended up in a position that I was totally unsuited to. After a reorganisation I was suddenly expected to manage lots of staff and I couldn't cope. I was forced to resign due to stress. After that no employer would take me on and I could only get temporary jobs which did nothing for my self esteem. I made the decision to stop working and I have been happy with that decision although the downside is that I have become even more isolated because I am at home alone most of the time. Over the past year I have started to do some mystery shopping work and have found that it has really helped me to have a reason to go out. It has also made me interact with people more although still on a very superficial level. I find I can cope because the focus is on the member of staff and the service provided rather than on myself. |
#84
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Im 35, live with my mother at the mo.
Tried some temp/agecy jobs but the stress to money ratio just doesnt work out. I have been unemployed for around 18 months ish, but didnt go down the disability benefit route as Im totally uninterested in what GPs have to say & I will not take SSRIs etc. I will take valium/beta blockers though but GPs wont give me these meds. I have to get them illegally. After 18 months the jobcentre tried to force me into 10 weeks of 9-5 work, or think of a business idea & follow that. I choose the business idea, and have been doing it 6 months. First 4 months very stressful and didnt answer my phone, just picked up msgs to get an idea of the person & how they sound etc, then calling back when I was at my most settled. had a few panicks during conversations & at people's houses etc etc. bad, but im used to it in a way although it can upset/depress me for days. At the moment Im able to answer calls & and continue this small biz, and confidence is a little better due to the gradual exposure to people with the benefit that I can choose if & when I want to do a particular job. If i feel bad I just delay them a day or 2... With arrogant customers I will and have literally just got up and walked away, i will not give them the time of day. I should say that sometimes i take valium or beta blocker before jobs that worry me (alot of the time I will not know if I can do the job until i get there [computers/IT]), but am tapering the dose down all the time aswell as giving up smoking at the moment. |
#85
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
*Raises hand*
I'm 30 and have been off work for just over 18 months now, partly due to the SA and partly due to depression. Although I guess the two are interlinked. |
#86
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I'm 31 and although I do work right at the minute and have done for the last 9 years, I quit because I just can't stand it any more. I finish in a couple of weeks. So I'll sign onto this thread too.
I want nothing more than to stay at home and not work - ever again. I'm always intrigued when people who are out of work (for whatever reason) but are nonetheless managing to survive OK say, 'I really want to find a job'. Why? Work so sucks! Stay at home if you can! Work is hideous *pours can of petrol over work, stamps on it and sets light to it, before running away screaming* |
#87
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
That really sucks, being made redundant from a job you liked - sorry to hear that.
Your work place must have been nice, and you sound like the type of person who gets on with others, which is an enviable trait. I don't really like anyone in my office and no-one likes me either. It's the same wherever I've been - I guess I just wasn't ever meant to fit in anywhere. I'd do anything to just not to have to deal with people again, even if it meant staying at home, bored. Boredom is paradise compared to torture. |
#88
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
I think if i were out of work, SA would eat me up. It was hellish at one stage having to go to work each day (especially in an office)...I recall pulling over into the layby trying to pull myself together on more than one occasion, - but you really need to live through this discomfort and push the boundaries. I believe having a regime, some sort of order in my life has helped alot....although i can relate to people who wouldnt want too.
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#89
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Re: How many of us over 30's stay at home?
Hi, I used to work, but the SA got too much, havent worked for about 9 years now, would love to be able to do just a few hours somewhere, just to get me out of the house and back into society!
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