list what SA stops you doing

[purplerose]

i just wondered exactly what SA stops some of you doing
heres my list just wondered if anyone had the same problems as me as i know SA problems vary with every one.

>Cant go out alone
>wont answer or use telephone
>wont answer the door to anyone knocking
>to scared to have a job
>scared to use public transport
>meeting new people
>social gatherings e.g parties
>queues
>cant communicate with family e.g cousins/aunts....

[Iain91]

Wow, that really puts my SA into perspective. I feel slightly guilty for even signing up now

But anyhoo, it's prevented (or has played a part in preventing) me from:

* Gaining employment
* Making any friends other than the five or six I've had for years
* Forming relationships with women, platonic or otherwise
* Succeeding at school and University
* Going to clubs on a regular basis (although I don't want to, it seems to be the done thing for people in my age group)
* Going out every weekend, again it's the 'done thing'
* Speaking clearly and with dynamic range (i.e not in a monotone)

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by Iain91

Wow, that really puts my SA into perspective. I feel slightly guilty for even signing up now

But anyhoo, it's prevented (or has played a part in preventing) me from:

* Gaining employment
* Making any friends other than the five or six I've had for years
* Forming relationships with women, platonic or otherwise
* Succeeding at school and University
* Going to clubs on a regular basis (although I don't want to, it seems to be the done thing for people in my age group)
* Going out every weekend, again it's the 'done thing'
* Speaking clearly and with dynamic range (i.e not in a monotone)

Oh dont feel like that i just wanted to know if other experienced the same differences as i do as i do understand that everyone on here will have different issues im glad youve signed up youve helped me with my question :D i also cannot form relationships with men, and never ever go out at weekends i dont remember the last time i did.

[JazzGuy]

Too many things to mention. Most of the usual ones.

A daft one that really ticks me off is going to a hair dresser. I'd love to have proper hair. Been shaving it with clippers for the past 12 years. Almost plucked up the courage to go a couple of months ago but chickened out.

[charding5]

For me personally SA has prevented me from:

-Not answering the telephone or door sometimes
-Meeting new people
-Having a relationship
-Going out on a regular basis
-Speaking clearly
-Forming close friendships
-Fulfilling my potential (my work is already suffering at University)
-Enjoying myself and relaxing on the rare occasions I'm out
-Having relationships with some of my outside family members (cousins)
-Being a good Christian

Very similar to you guys really, it's a battle pretty much all the time

[Mr. Nobody]

" list what you allow SA to stop you doing"

[TheInbetweener]

- Having a Job right now.
- Making the first move when I have an idea or want to speak to someone but dont know if they are bothered.
- Chatting, online & offline to people id like too, again feeling they are just thinking GO AWAY!!
- Relationships, every type really.
- Enjoying myself
- Showing people I do care.

[Brutalness]

going to the shops/going out
public transport
working
speaking to people on the phone/openning my door (if i do not know them)
relationship (crap)
speaking to new people
ect...

u know the normal day to day stuff people do i sure lots of people are in thios boat here

[mhealer3]

i'm familiar with some of these:
>wont answer the door to anyone knocking(but i think that's smart 4 girls anyhow).
>to scared to have a job(yes, i have had many jobs, but going to work just terrifies me)
>scared to use public transport (done it many times, though nervewracking)
>social gatherings e.g parties (i hate parties unless i can hang around w the kids)
>cant communicate with family (yeah, my family is the REASON i'm such a recluse)

[Pablo Huntsbach]

Making/keeping friends and forming relationships. There's probably other stuff (standing up for myself for a start) but I could honestly live with all that, it's just the loneliness that prevents me from being happy.

[oscillate wildly]

not a lot anymore.
I still get a bit nervous if I have to call someone I don't know.
creating conversation with people at work is a bit of an issue as I can be awkward.
but only a few months ago I couldn't go on a bus on my own or go shopping.
I suppose I don't particularly want to make friends, but this could be a good thing as if I was desperate for friends it'd feel worse.

[MrMr]

pubs, clubs, bars...etc

social life

love life

all of which I must overcome to prevent ongoing:

[Neil]

Most social activities tend to be extremely hard work for me to the point where they become a chore. Work I cannot avoid as, well, I have to earn a living. All other things where I do have a choice I opt out of. I have done so since early childhood, and find this limits my existence tremendously, the result of that avoidance has led to me not knowing who I am. I have a restless mind and am passionate about certain issues, but feel that my personal development is curtailed by not being able to persue certain professional avenues and volunteer in organisations related to these interests.

I feel at a loss when it comes to informal communication. I struggle to understand humour, particularly of the language based type. I have a slow mind that tends to be fixated on serious or specialist type topics. Not popular nerdy subjects like Startrek but very very specialist things, like "Heterobasidion annosum in Coniferous stands". Clearly this does not make for rivetting conversation. I find informal conversation extremely difficult given the pace at which it´s spoken, or uninteresting at best if a minor miracle happens and I do follow what has been said. Feeling you can´t contribute to a conversation or get into the spirit of things makes you feel anxious and then despondent.

[HardRockGlamour]

Originally Posted by purplerose

i just wondered exactly what SA stops some of you doing
heres my list just wondered if anyone had the same problems as me as i know SA problems vary with every one.

>Cant go out alone
>wont answer or use telephone
>wont answer the door to anyone knocking
>to scared to have a job
>scared to use public transport
>meeting new people
>social gatherings e.g parties
>queues
>cant communicate with family e.g cousins/aunts....

All of the same things as you!

Plus...

- Don't go out in my own garden...
- Don't pay for my own things
- Don't order my own food
- Don't ask shop staff questions when I'm the reason we're looking
- Things I'd like to do but can't like ice skating, bowling, concerts, festivals, etc

This hits home just how bad I am. I need to change...

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by WhiteSwan~

All of the same things as you!

Plus...

- Don't go out in my own garden...
- Don't pay for my own things
- Don't order my own food
- Don't ask shop staff questions when I'm the reason we're looking
- Things I'd like to do but can't like ice skating, bowling, concerts, festivals, etc

This hits home just how bad I am. I need to change...

thats weird beacuse what youve wrote about not even going into your own garden i dont do that either and i really thought i was the only one!!!
I also wont order food in a pub as you have to approach them if they came to my table and asked then i wouldnt mind so much.
Also i would love to try ice skating as ive never been before but to scared to go.
As for not paying for my own things ive been working on that one for over a year but im getting there 80% of the time i will pay for my things but sometimes i do still get people to pay for things for me, but just over a year ago i was really struggling with it.

[HardRockGlamour]

Originally Posted by purplerose

thats weird beacuse what youve wrote about not even going into your own garden i dont do that either and i really thought i was the only one!!!
I also wont order food in a pub as you have to approach them if they came to my table and asked then i wouldnt mind so much.
Also i would love to try ice skating as ive never been before but to scared to go.
As for not paying for my own things ive been working on that one for over a year but im getting there 80% of the time i will pay for my things but sometimes i do still get people to pay for things for me, but just over a year ago i was really struggling with it.

I think there are a number of people on here who are afraid to go in their gardens or used to be afraid. Good thing about this place! Very rarely are you the only one ^-^

If someone approaches me and asks if I'd like anything I bow my head and mumble 'no thank you' in a high-pitched girlie voice. It's very embarrassing. When we eat out I stare down at the table and try to look invisible while others order. Instead of invisible I probably look like a dodgy weirdo. Don't think I'll tackle this for a very long time.

Ice skating is on my list of things I really wanna try one day... but the humiliation involved is probably too much... I have daydreams of being a graceful ice skater like dancing on ice or similar

I'm quite ashamed actually that after all this time (years) I still haven't gotten around to paying for own damn stuff. I keep meaning to and making silly 'action plans' but I never do it. I want a 'shrink' (as I call them) to come out and help me with that but I was never ready before and they seem to have given up on me now.

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by WhiteSwan~

I think there are a number of people on here who are afraid to go in their gardens or used to be afraid. Good thing about this place! Very rarely are you the only one ^-^

If someone approaches me and asks if I'd like anything I bow my head and mumble 'no thank you' in a high-pitched girlie voice. It's very embarrassing. When we eat out I stare down at the table and try to look invisible while others order. Instead of invisible I probably look like a dodgy weirdo. Don't think I'll tackle this for a very long time.

Ice skating is on my list of things I really wanna try one day... but the humiliation involved is probably too much... I have daydreams of being a graceful ice skater like dancing on ice or similar

I'm quite ashamed actually that after all this time (years) I still haven't gotten around to paying for own damn stuff. I keep meaning to and making silly 'action plans' but I never do it. I want a 'shrink' (as I call them) to come out and help me with that but I was never ready before and they seem to have given up on me now.

i think eating out in general is awkward as where are you supposed to look your surrounded by people who will think your staring at them.
thats sounds good about the ice skating i wish i was when i see "dancing on ice" i always wish it was me even though ive never even skated.

What they have really given up on you ? because if they have that shouldnt be allowed as they should know how difficult just doing the basic day to day tasks that others find so easy to do are and know its going to take you time to be able to attempt doing tasks are. Maybe you could get a parent to call them and see if they could help you out again with the "paying for your own things"
This is how i was helped for that task:

>My 1st step was to when i was buying something give it to my mum to go and pay for it but i had to queue up with her and stand at the till with her.
( This was a good idea as i didnt have to interact with staff she did )

>then months later we swapped roles and i had to pay but my mum was with me.

> after more time i had to go up alone which i dont always to if its a really busy shop

[HardRockGlamour]

Originally Posted by purplerose

i think eating out in general is awkward as where are you supposed to look your surrounded by people who will think your staring at them.
thats sounds good about the ice skating i wish i was when i see "dancing on ice" i always wish it was me even though ive never even skated.

What they have really given up on you ? because if they have that shouldnt be allowed as they should know how difficult just doing the basic day to day tasks that others find so easy to do are and know its going to take you time to be able to attempt doing tasks are. Maybe you could get a parent to call them and see if they could help you out again with the "paying for your own things"
This is how i was helped for that task:

>My 1st step was to when i was buying something give it to my mum to go and pay for it but i had to queue up with her and stand at the till with her.
( This was a good idea as i didnt have to interact with staff she did )

>then months later we swapped roles and i had to pay but my mum was with me.

> after more time i had to go up alone which i dont always to if its a really busy shop

I am always in awe of the pretty female dancers on Dancing on Ice and also Strictly because they're so graceful and elegant wish I was like that. Makes me feel a bit weird though as my mum and obviously all the rest of the female audience are watching the men, I'm watching the girls

Well, I don't know if they've given up on me but I'm finding it really difficult to get any help at the moment. I asked my GP, he told me to contact an old shrink that I liked, I contacted her, she told me to ask my GP about IAPT. Now I've been waiting for IAPT for God knows how long, 6 months or more, GP keeps telling me they should have been in touch by now, umm and ahh. Not really getting anywhere. Don't know what to do now, really!

That sounds really good, I think I could do that, thank you! I try to watch my dad when he buys things but I hate queues so I always run away to the side, which is a bit silly lol. I'm gonna give your stages a go ^-^ I have a HUGE fear of people who are close to my age, teens or twenties, the nearer my age the more I am afraid of them. I don't think I'll be able to do this if the till has someone young on it

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by WhiteSwan~

I am always in awe of the pretty female dancers on Dancing on Ice and also Strictly because they're so graceful and elegant wish I was like that. Makes me feel a bit weird though as my mum and obviously all the rest of the female audience are watching the men, I'm watching the girls

Well, I don't know if they've given up on me but I'm finding it really difficult to get any help at the moment. I asked my GP, he told me to contact an old shrink that I liked, I contacted her, she told me to ask my GP about IAPT. Now I've been waiting for IAPT for God knows how long, 6 months or more, GP keeps telling me they should have been in touch by now, umm and ahh. Not really getting anywhere. Don't know what to do now, really!

That sounds really good, I think I could do that, thank you! I try to watch my dad when he buys things but I hate queues so I always run away to the side, which is a bit silly lol. I'm gonna give your stages a go ^-^ I have a HUGE fear of people who are close to my age, teens or twenties, the nearer my age the more I am afraid of them. I don't think I'll be able to do this if the till has someone young on it

haha i watch both i ogle the men and always wished i looked like the pretty female dancers.

What is IAPT ? i havent heard of it.
the only help i have at the minute is the online CBT but not sure what other help is out there really.

Queues are a nightmare especially if your right at the front of it and you know theres loads of people behind you
really well alot of the staff are pretty young wherever i go maybe your best going to a supermarket where you can pick your till and look for someone older. But even if you cant pay for stuff yourself but you get in the habit of at least queuing with others so you get a little more used to queues.

[HardRockGlamour]

Originally Posted by purplerose

haha i watch both i ogle the men and always wished i looked like the pretty female dancers.

What is IAPT ? i havent heard of it.
the only help i have at the minute is the online CBT but not sure what other help is out there really.

Queues are a nightmare especially if your right at the front of it and you know theres loads of people behind you
really well alot of the staff are pretty young wherever i go maybe your best going to a supermarket where you can pick your till and look for someone older. But even if you cant pay for stuff yourself but you get in the habit of at least queuing with others so you get a little more used to queues.

I'm not entirely sure what IAPT is myself! I'm not sure if it's CBT or they help you get into CBT... I was offered online CBT about three years ago, I don't know what happened to it! I never started it.

Yeah, people in queues are just standing around waiting, so they tend to watch the people in front I think, that is what scares me most. They might see me mess up and make a right fool of meself I'm gonna try small, empty shops first maybe with older staff at the till... will have to think about that. Hobbycraft could be the first place I try it.

[Dandelion10]

*Working
*Expressing myself adequately or elaborating when I would like to in conversation. (Only in public)
*Sitting comfortably in a group for long periods of time
*Being with my partner
*Having a healthy relationship with my near and extended family (and friends who I've mostly pushed away)
*Going to the gym
*Being nice (sometimes even I'm shocked at my moods)
*Making new friends
*Travelling/going out with people (prefer to be alone to limit embarrassment)
*Doing more constructive things with my day
*Answering the door
*I can manage parties but not family gatherings

I also ducked out of Uni
Ditto having a life I want.

[syncsolo]

Ok I'm feeling lazy so I copied a list and added some on. I don't really like to use SA as an excuse, but things I struggle with and it stops me doing are:

*Being in steady employment/getting something with decent pay
*Having a good education, avoided going to Uni ect
*Having friends
*Going out at the weekends
*Going on holiday
*Speaking to a room full of people/presentations
*Travelling within the UK, never took the train alone or flown
*Going to concerts/festivals - never been to any in my life.
*Coming across in a positive light to people I've just met socially or work wise
*Having a life
*Meeting and chatting with visitors/general small talk
*Making a phone call/ avoid it when I can
*Communicating how I really feel
*Speaking up when I need support
*Developing relationships
*Having better health
*Being a normal accepted member of society
*Showing my family, I care
*Contacting people on here that may want to have a new friend

[charding5]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

*Working
*Being nice (sometimes even I'm shocked at my moods)

That one is me as well,I'm sure most of the time I must come across as pretty rude and abrupt

[Cherry]

• Making friends
• Normal smalltalk/chit chat
• Speaking without mumbling or slurring words around people who actually take the time to talk to me and try to get to know me at work.
• Expressing ideas/talking infront of more than 1 other person and managing to stay focussed on what I'm talking about.
• Speak coherently around boyfriends parents. I'm convinced his mother must wonder if I can string a proper sentence together.
• Just go somewhere without planning it in detail in advance (e.g. directions/where to eat/where to park/doing a walk through on google maps street view etc)
• Attend nights out without having a major panic/stress about it beforehand.
• Looking relaxed when on a night out. (Everyone always says I look worried)
• Trusting my own judgement on...well most things really, I constantly have to ask if this is "ok" or "the right way to do this" at work and at home.

[Comrade Joshua]

sticking up for myself
asking for help
reading a newspaper in public
eating in public
going out cycling
talking to people
getting a girlfriend
answering questions even though i know the answer
expressing ideas/oppinions
feeling safe/secure

[STRING3R]

Anything to do with socialising, but that's obvious.

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by 1moomin

Definitely.

Yeah I know it sounds annoying but just wondered as not everyone has the same answers such as answering he phone as I bet some people im here can do it and others cant

[iTz0kt0Bu]

My SA isn't very bad compared to some other people's but it makes it harder to:
make friends
have a social life
find exercise/sport to do

SA doesn't stop us from doing the stuff we mention, it makes it harder for us to begin/do them.

[Sleepless]

Working
Making friends
Having a girlfriend
Having a decent education, going to college and so on
Eating out
Asking for assistance in shops
Taking things back to a shop for a refund
Phoning people