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  #1  
Old 12th September 2018, 17:32
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Found out about a group at the local library

It's called Open minds and is on a Thursday from 1-3pm. It's easy to get to as the library is a straight less than 5 minute walk from me. I've just got to summon up the nerve to go. For me the social interaction difficulties go beyond social anxiety, although that certainly doesn't help.
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  #2  
Old 12th September 2018, 21:26
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

Sounds worth a try. Do you need Freja on here to give you a talking to?
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  #3  
Old 12th September 2018, 21:31
Kooky Monster Kooky Monster is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

^ It sounds like the type of group that will be very welcoming and understanding.

I hope you find the courage to go along and give it a go.
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Old 12th September 2018, 21:36
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

How about visiting the library a few times before the meet, so you can build up to feeling comfortable about being in the building. It might help

That's what I always do before going to new things that I know will make me anxious. It might sound a bit silly, but smells of new places and all strange things like that put me on edge and makes me feel like I need to get out of there, so making somewhere feel familiar can help. Maybe that's just me being nutty though!
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  #5  
Old 12th September 2018, 23:22
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

I've been there a few times with my youngest granddaughter while she reads stories to her baby.
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  #6  
Old 13th September 2018, 00:46
genovese genovese is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

^^
That's not nutty, we all do that
I'll also streetview the f out of a new place, that helps loads.
And we all do this of course right

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  #7  
Old 13th September 2018, 16:38
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

Went to the group at my library. It was hard going . It was better at first when there was just three of us , although the other two were very much directing conversation at each other with me very much the third party. I got really anxious when the numbers built up . The person running it was something of a ‘hippy’ type describing himself as having been a radical social worker and working in learning disability and mental health communities in the 70s. He said he was very much against institutions for the intellectually/learning disabled and mentally ill. He made a comment about people wanting to be ill which didn’t sit well with me but I bit my tongue. I was polite and answered when spoken to but there’s just something about me that means I don’t stimulate conversation. Ie there’s lots of conversational dead ends.

I’m very doubtful I’ll go back. It was not exactly a relaxing experience.
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Old 15th September 2018, 10:55
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

Another reason not to go back to that group. A woman put 1 into the box for drinks. I then put 1 in which was the only change I had. Cue jibes about having my money on a string from the ageing hippy/ ex radical social worker running it. Maybe it was his idea of being funny but it made me feel bad. Being pedantic it costs about 10 p or slightly less per cup of instant coffee. We are not talking Starbucks here.
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  #9  
Old 15th September 2018, 11:27
Freyja Freyja is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

If it's a relaxing experience then it won't be doing you much good. The trick with SA is to do the things that absolutely horrify you so you can higher your threshold for not being bothered about most stuff, then eventually you won't be phased by much because you've already been through scarier situations.

Well done for going but you gave up too easily at the first sight of an arsehole in the group. I will tell you this, there are MANY arseholes everywhere, you just need to learn how to deal with them effectively then you won't be worried by them cause you'll know what to say as you push yourself through these situations more and more. If you got on with at least 1 person from the group then you should definitely go back otherwise you're missing out on that learning experience. It's a learning curve, you won't like it at all but you have to do it if you want to get better.
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  #10  
Old 15th September 2018, 12:09
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

The thing is I didn't get on with anyone. Another problem was it came over as a group for the worried well and not really for people with severe mental health problems. One woman came in after 30 minutes or so and proceeded to hog the ageing hippie’s attention re her wanting to set up as an acupuncturist /alternative therapist in a doctor’s surgery. She was getting him to print out maps and help revise her CV.

I just didn’t feel comfortable there especially as the little I had to say didn’t help to produce a flow of conversation. It was like no one was really interested and if they could have got away with loud,exaggerated yawns they would have done.

It struck me as a group for people who were fairly socially able and not one that would help along anyone who struggled in that respect .

Maybe you aren't supposed to feel totally relaxed first time but equally if you're really stressed out it would be idiotic to say that's doing you good .
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  #11  
Old 15th September 2018, 13:09
Freyja Freyja is offline
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Default Re: Found out about a group at the local library

You're not supposed to feel relaxed at all. And it's not idiotic in the slightest you just don't understand it, this is the way I overcame SA and don't even have it anymore. It's just a completely different to the point way of sorting your SA out. If it's easy then it's not doing you good. Stress IS a good thing. With SA you have to stress yourself out, this creates a build up which will help in the long run.

Do you really think I got over SA by not being stressed out constantly and having bum plumbs all the time? I was a feckin mess mate, I had stress practically leaking from my butthole. You get through it cause you learn from stressful situations way easier than you would do a relaxed situation. It's the adrenaline that drums the stuff in your head so you know how to react and gives you a bit of a shock.

This is why I say, throw yourself into the deep end and you'll learn far quicker how to deal with these uncomfortable situations than what you would do by not scaring yourself a lot. It's not only for that reason though, you have to increase your threshold so you won't get scared of stuff super easily.

Do a scary thing -> less scary the next time -> even less scary the more frequent it is.

Might not seem it at first if you're just starting out but that's why I said you have to build it up and you'll start to see difference over weeks/months eventually if you keep at it.

Either try or sit there and complain about it, good luck either way.
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