Help for current situation / what’s my diagnosis?

[orr_niall]

Hi guys, I recently joined the forum, been feeling anxious / stressed and possibly depressed for the past 8 or so weeks. To be honest I don’t know what the cause is, or why this is happening. Also am I depressed I just don’t know!

I posted in the welcome page yesterday what turned into an essay on the last few weeks. I will try and keep this post shorter.

I work at home for a larger insurer. This means that every 2 months or so I need to fly to London for a team meeting. I have done this numerous times before and yes I am always generally nervous, apprehensive and stressy about it but I go, and come home and that’s it forgotten about for the next few months.

I have had bad periods of anxiety and stress over the past 10 years, I go to the dr every few years when it really gets to me and have been on propranolol for 3 years, take it once a day and genuinely believe it does nothing for me, it I keep taking it due to a certain fear of what happens if I stop. Anxiety, It comes and goes and generally I adapt and continue as normal. Generally finding ways to cope and often forget about it. However recently it’s become horrible.

It started when the family and I were coming home from holiday in Spain. For some reason in the last few days of the holiday I was dreading the flight home. Previous years I had become panicky on the flight home and put this down to needing a cigarette and the 3 hour flight with 2 young kids making me stressed which is a normal part of life. The same occurred a year ago when I was coming home from Mexico, very nervous and on edge, fear of loosing control and freaking out on the plane (public embarrassment etc).

However this played on my mind this year and from the morning we woke early to get to the airport I was on edge, lack of appetite at breakfast, mind spinning with thoughts of freaking out or loosing control, in a panicked daze through the airport etc just wanting to get home. Stomach in knots fear that I will throw up etc on the plane. I sat the whole way home with headphones in making sure this didn’t happen. It was horrible.

Since that I have not felt right. With work I do site visits to people’s homes. Been doing this for years and generally enjoy it. Always nervous before as I am naturally like that, always have been but never a fear of having an anxiety attack or being sick in someone’s house ever entered my mind.

Now, I dread it, it plays on my mind for days before and on the day I wake up and am panicked and stressed by it. But I continue on and once I’m there I’m usually fine. I do find I do the job a lot quicker really to get out of there and back in the car. Once it’s done a wave of relief comes over me and I feel ‘normal’ again.

Also, my next work meeting is 2 weeks away. For the last few weeks it’s all I have thought about, I don’t want to go, I know the way I will feel on the day and I just don’t want to go through it all again.

I think this constant worry is making me worse.

Also, I find any social situation makes me fill with dread. Simple things I’m used to doing, picking kids up from school, taking them there, going out with the family or friends all make me on edge and I will look to avoid doing things to stop it, but it continues.

I find I am now constantly obesessing about how I feel, focusing on how I don’t feel normal, or how I felt pretty fine just 2 months ago. This plays over and over in my head.

Any help or advice is much appreciated


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[orr_niall]

Forgot to add....I also now find I am pretty low as this is really getting to me. I don’t know if I am depressed I find it very had to decide if I am but with all the above going on I just don’t feel myself.

I find it worst in the mornings for some reason, it’s all I focus on through the day, I am almost waiting for it to come as well on days where I do wake up feeling largely ok. In the back of my mind I am waiting for it to come over me again. Really annoying as I just want to get on and feel normal again.

I do find the evenings are largely ok, and I do feel a lot better but it’s becoming a cycle of this each and every day.

I went to the dr a few weeks back, he advised on CBT, NHS waiting is quite long and he advised a private specialist. However this is £50 a session which has put me off pursuing this. I also bought Mind over Mood from advise I had seen online it did help a bit but I am back to where I was a few weeks ago again. Thoughts of loosing control constantly on my mind.

Dr also prescribed 50mg Sertraline, I read online reviews of the side effects and have not taken it. Do you think I should?


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