We need to stop this taboo against loneliness

[hollowone]

How come people are willing to admit that they've become depressed or that they've started drinking too much, even become addicted yet, they'd NEVER admit that they're lonely or that loneliness caused it or drove them to it it in the first place? I think it's perverse that people feel that ashamed of loneliness that they'd suffer it in silence until it gets too much and makes them depressed or drives them to drinking or drugs. They're happy to admit that they're depressed or addicted to alcohol or drugs, but TERRIFIED to talk about the loneliness that drove them to it.

This lack of openness to loneliness has GOT TO STOP!

Treating depression and treating addictions is treating the symptoms (although both these problems have other precipitating factors).

Why people think depression and addictions are illnesses?
Both are patterns of which loneliness is one precipitating factor of many. Lots of thing can depress people who drive people to drink. For some bizarre reason loneliness is not acknowledged or is dismissed as accuse, in the case of addiction sometimes written off as 'making excuses' That's just not acceptable.

Why can't there be more openness about loneliness? It's crazy that people don't talk about loneliness until a point comes whereby they end up depressed or turning to substances to cope and get addicted. They'd rather admit to having depression or being addicted to something than being lonely, even if being lonely was what drove them to it.

Barriers to admitting loneliness
My only thought is that we have a climate where loneliness is seen as something shameful to admit (I don't know what the rationale is for seeing loneliness as shameful, pride?) rather than something we all experience.

Loneliness is also incredibly difficult to talk about, yet I see very little advice on ways to talk about how you're feeling or put it into words.

There's also the ever popular 'being a burden to others' meme; the idea that if you open up to people around you suffering, they'll see you as a burden. Could this be a manifestation of anglo-saxon individualism gone too far?

To round off, I have a saying; 'bottling it up could lead to the bottle'.

[Mr. Nobody]

I think it's a really subtle subject though,..
it's not as simple as people possibly suspect,
for instance, you can be in a large group of people and feel more acutely lonely than if you were completely physically alone, walking in the countryside.
I know that's something I've often experienced,

I think it's more about an ability to relate, and an acceptance of your needs as a person,
there's also other factors like emotional dependency and self pride in the mix too.

but I think it is somehow a taboo,.. I think it's maybe factors like dependency and vulnerability that give rise to the 'taboo' aspect of it.
we may not want to accept that we need company, as it makes us feel vulnerable, and also,. no one wants to come across as needy or clingy.

maybe there's some need to feel that we're somehow better than others, and so reject certain company as it's deemed to be of an inferior level to us?.. until we end up alone, and then maybe feeling we may have been the inferior ones?

I also think people generally have a need to be alone, and a need to be together, and it's often difficult to get the balance right.

could be I'm over-complicating an issue that's been around as long as humans themselves have.

[hollowone]

Those are interesting points vasco.

There's also I think confusion about loneliness and isolation, since you can be lonely in a crowd. Many of us know the feeling where we've felt different from people around us, where we've been with new people and they all seem to make friends faster and we're left there, where we've felt like the only one who's feeling awkward for example; those are horribly painful forms of loneliness as is social isolation.

I think that because some people might appear to have active social lives and appear to be 'out there' the assumption is they're not feeling lonely. I cal that 'hidden' loneliness.

Back to your point which I think is a very good and valid one, it probably is about vulnerability. The fear of being seen as needy and clingy. Whilst we agree that this is good to have in ind, I suspect that this goes a bit too far.

There's another interesting point you make about the ego and and needing to feel better than others. That I think has probably hit the nail on the head on a lot of things.

& finally, we all have a need for our own time which varies tremendously between people. On this note I think people can fall into the trap of a) making assumptions about people about this & b) jumping to negative conclusions of people they don't understand rather than simply acknowledging that we simply might not understand them & have stuff to learn. I think this is another factor that's driving loneliness. People need to learn to slow down and look at things with a beginner's mind and not write off viewpoints like this as 'hippie'.

[Mr. Nobody]

^

agreed, Hollowone,..

thinking about it more,. I think the whole "being alone in a crowd" could be all about choosing the right company for you,

there's probably a few different "types" of people in the world, and most of us will be able to see what types or what kind of groups we belong to or feel comfortable in,
so it's often about just searching for people/groups you feel attuned with.

and then, just simply being in company for a while can recharge your emotional batteries as it were, and possibly be enough for you to feel connected.

when it comes to things like SA/ASD/Depression etc. I'm possibly correct in saying these types may prefer a more quiet, subdued setting,
I find that loud, busy places, (and people) just don't work for me and seem to add to feelings of isolation.
again, it's probably just about making the right choices, as most of our towns and cities can be over-run with these types of places/people.