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  #1  
Old 26th May 2016, 19:36
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Red face Avoidant

I'm "avoidant" or I've been labelled as such.

As I'm avoidant I decided I've given too much info

I would like to find some like minded people ... I was here a bit years ago...

I'm just saying hi, hopefully I'll open up a bit more soon

Blue bear
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  #2  
Old 26th May 2016, 23:06
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Welcome
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  #3  
Old 28th May 2016, 20:02
shadowonthewall shadowonthewall is offline
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Brooding

Default Re: Avoidant

I meet every criterion for Avoidant Personality Disorder. I think that is my disorder, rather than Social Anxiety.
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  #4  
Old 10th August 2019, 15:45
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

I still don’t like giving too much info.
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  #5  
Old 10th August 2019, 16:40
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

I'm very avoidant too :/
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  #6  
Old 10th August 2019, 16:43
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

It’s rough Thanks for replying, biscuits.
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  #7  
Old 10th August 2019, 16:57
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Yes, my SA has morphed into something more like an avoidant personalty disorder, my particular reasons for it are varied. I was always like this to a certain extend. This is a symptom of many disorders, but I'm hoping my treatment helps me see things a bit more positively.
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  #8  
Old 10th August 2019, 19:55
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Thanks Utopia, let me know how the treatment goes
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  #9  
Old 10th August 2019, 20:41
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

I will go back to my cave...
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  #10  
Old 10th August 2019, 21:39
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

I have never been officially diagnosed, but I'm sure I have an avoidant personality disorder. The SA label never satisfied me. I always knew there was more going on. Now, I'd describe myself as having a shame-based avoidant personality disorder. Apparently, it often includes paranoia (tick) and co-dependency (tick).
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  #11  
Old 10th August 2019, 21:50
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
I have never been officially diagnosed, but I'm sure I have an avoidant personality disorder. The SA label never satisfied me. I always knew there was more going on. Now, I'd describe myself as having a shame-based avoidant personality disorder. Apparently, it often includes paranoia (tick) and co-dependency (tick).
That does sound quite a bit like me ...
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  #12  
Old 10th August 2019, 22:01
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebear
That does sound quite a bit like me ...
If you research it in depth it's quite interesting. As I remember, there are 10 different personality disorders (narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social, etc etc) and they are separated into three groups, according to how closely related they are. The avoidant is bracketed along with the dependent and the obsessive-compulsive. Of course, no one is purely x or y. Often, we'll have a mix of two or three different ones. Apart from the dependent and obsessive PDs, the avoidant tend to be closest to the paranoid. I definitely tick the dependent and paranoid, though not so much the obsessive-compulsive.

Shame plays big part in this for me. I feel intense shame at my life and my past, so I avoid intimacy. But avoiding makes me ashamed, which increases the avoidance, and so on. Plus, of course, the more you avoid the worse the social anxiety gets.
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  #13  
Old 10th August 2019, 22:09
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Shame/embarrassment/fear are definitely a big part of my avoidance too. Sometimes I feel so different and disconnected from most people. Like a robot that hasn't been programmed properly or something.

Sometimes avoidance feels like the best coping strategy, but you're right on your last paragraph Moshka it's not a healthy coping strategy at all.
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  #14  
Old 11th August 2019, 02:18
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
If you research it in depth it's quite interesting. As I remember, there are 10 different personality disorders (narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social, etc etc) and they are separated into three groups, according to how closely related they are. The avoidant is bracketed along with the dependent and the obsessive-compulsive. Of course, no one is purely x or y. Often, we'll have a mix of two or three different ones. Apart from the dependent and obsessive PDs, the avoidant tend to be closest to the paranoid. I definitely tick the dependent and paranoid, though not so much the obsessive-compulsive.

Shame plays big part in this for me. I feel intense shame at my life and my past, so I avoid intimacy. But avoiding makes me ashamed, which increases the avoidance, and so on. Plus, of course, the more you avoid the worse the social anxiety gets.
I’ll have to do a bit more research on this. I suspect if I went to a professional and told them I’ve been diagnosed with this it might not help though, since I question the competency of the therapist who diagnosed me. Not that the diagnosis is necessarily wrong, but some of the therapy “methods” he used were very harmful to me.
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  #15  
Old 11th August 2019, 02:47
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Avoiding intimacy because of shame.. some schools of therapy think that a person needs to tell their therapist all their thoughts and feelings for the therapy to be effective... I have had “toxic shame” since childhood, which I wasn’t fully aware of. No wonder the therapy didn’t proceed as quickly as the inexperienced therapist had wanted. I wasn’t really able to engage in the “intimate” and yet distant relationship he wanted. So he became frustrated and took that frustration and anger out on me. The level of his negativity towards me was so severe that I do think he was a Narcissist. He tired of the supply I was giving him and turned into a “bad parent” in the therapy. This isn’t a “phantasy” of mine, I remember the many negative things he said (and did) clearly
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  #16  
Old 11th August 2019, 20:43
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Avoidant

Yeah, I haven't personally been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder, but I have something similar to it. I don't think I would neatly fit into any particular one, I just have a collection of symptoms and avoidant is one of them, although in my case I do it because I haven't really had relationships that haven't ultimately ended in pain, so I do it to mostly insulate myself from this. I just expect people to judge me negatively. I'm really negative and critical of myself and others, but I wouldn't say it's low self esteem in my case -- I don't really care if people are critical of me -- but it can put me off them as people. I can never seem to please people anyway, so I just stopped caring. Whatever it is, it isn't normal or healthy, but I'm quite introverted anyway so I feel less motivated to mix with others that much.
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