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  #91  
Old 1st May 2006, 00:16
terminaleight terminaleight is offline
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Default Re: Recommend a self help SA/anxiety book?

Im reading 'Diagonally-Parked in a Parallel Universe - Working through social anxiety' by Signe Dayhoff, its well-written and covers other important areas such as self-efficacy (albeit breifly). The book has struck a couple of chords that other books have overlooked. In all a worthy addition to any SAers self-help arsenal.

I'd recommend Gillian Butlers book as the 'authoritative text' on SA self help though (using CBT).
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  #92  
Old 1st May 2006, 04:11
sophie79 sophie79 is offline
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Default Re: Recommend a self help SA/anxiety book?

I have this book and it's fairly good http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/...311155-2667130
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  #93  
Old 3rd May 2006, 17:55
Markymark Markymark is offline
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Default Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Hiya.

Just wondered if anyone else is reading McKenna's new book, Instant Confidence? What do you think of it?

I got his 'Change your life in 7 days' book last year. At first i was sceptical of the techniques, but i decided to keep an open mind and put the effort in to do the techniques and use the hypnotherapy cd included, and i must say it really did change my life for the better.

The new book is probably better than the first, in my case, and has promising ideas for my particular shyness with females, nightclubs and asking girls out etc. I have read the first half of it and i feel really good already after 2 days.

The only dilemma i seem to have in my mind is that if i change into a more confident person, would that seem arrogant to others? Where is the line between the two? Is it possible to be confident and not arrogant? I believe it is.

One part of the book says that unconfident people tend to think of confident people of arseholes, but really deep inside this is only because they want to be confident aswell.

At first i thought this was quite wrong but after thinking about it, i found it to be true for me. Maybe this is why a lot of SA'ers say they can't change and don't want to change, because they hate confident people. Are SA'ers in denial??

I would highly recommend it to SA'ers who have an open mind and are up for trying a new approach. You never know it might just click for you.

Mark.
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  #94  
Old 3rd May 2006, 18:51
Shadow Walker Shadow Walker is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Good to hear you found it useful, Mark.

Interesting theory about the jealousy between confidents and non-confidents. I suspect it is mainly because confidents seem to be getting through life easily - after all, the real world is a very social place.

To be honest, I'm wary of hypnotherapy books - particularly when they're advertised as an 'instant cure' like Paul McKenna's books. Nevertheless, I suppose looking seriously at hypnotherapy is a confident act in itself (at least it is for me :embarass: ).

As for shyness with the fairer sex, I bought 'The Shy Single' by Bonnie Jacobson and found it quite interesting. It's not at all technical, just a positive approach to social situations from a very social point of view. Still, it doesn't will me to go out and talk to people. Oh well, I suppose that's SA for you.

Good luck
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  #95  
Old 3rd May 2006, 19:00
Polly Polly is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Hi Markymark - I'm 1/2 way through the book. I'm probably not giving it 100% with the exercises. I've listened to the cd a few times, but his tone of voice just makes me feel dirty lol. And whenever he says 'notice that you are noticing words' it makes me laugh, I'm not sure why. I did 'notice' today that I was saying negative things to myself, I read that bit yesterday but didn't realise I actually did it, until I caught myself a few times.. If someone else spoke to me like I do, I'd smack them lol. Okay that's a lie, I'd probably just cry or something.:embarass:
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  #96  
Old 3rd May 2006, 19:53
Peyre Peyre is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

I will give his book a go. I remember his no nonsense, slightly arrogant approach to wait loss, was really did make alot of sense.

I do think SA's are in denial if they think every confident person is arrogant.

For those who have had life the easy way, and are confident from the start, this may well be the case, you always get people like this, bullies etc.

I've been bullied by a guy at school, and i don't hate him, I envy him. He has bags of confidence, can strike up conversations with literally anyone, always smiling, and is generally quite a funny guy. He's quiet intelligent too, and if he gets his head down, he can really go far, whatever than means. He will learn eventually learn how to respect people.

Arrogant people are ignorant. Ignorant to the feelings and experiences of others rarther. They can pick up on this

I know plenty of folk who are confident and yet sensible and reasoned. They are however one of a kind, but not that rare.

For me confidence is defined as being comftable in YOURSELF, who you are, what you stand for, and respect for others, even if they haven't quite got to that point
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  #97  
Old 3rd May 2006, 20:35
Markymark Markymark is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

I agree Peyre.
Don't think its rare to be confident and also a non arrogant person tho. I know plenty.
My aim is, as you say, to be happy in myself, and be quietly confident

LoL Polly you made me laugh. :D He does sound like a bit of a dirty old pervert but its all good. I like the end of the cd when he goes .. you might like a big stretch and a yawn. I don't know why, maybe im just strange.

Let me know how you get on with the book polly. I'm not really giving the excercises 100% either, some of them are a bit strange arn't they. :embarass:
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  #98  
Old 3rd May 2006, 22:47
shok shok is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

HI Markymark,

I havent read any of Paula mackenna's books but i have read other books and i kinda think simirlarly that you need to keep an open mind about the diferent things in self help books and be totally honest with ourselfs and how much effort we put into doing the suggested exercises that are given in the books. I know that i always tenbd to avoid doing most of the diffciuclt exercise and i know that thats not good for me but at least i don't blame the books as i use to do.i Think most of the good books do help if they are used properly even if they don't have major life chaninging exepeirinces. And i do beleive that i am also afraod of becoming more confident because that may attarct attention which i don't want. Do get tyhe most oit of the books i think we have keep working on all aspects of SA and follow the advice ..The problem liews that we want to find an easy solution and avoid the diffciult execries or live within our small comfort zones ..so we don't grow.

anyway enuff sed about that...
let me know how it goes wiht the rest of the Paul makenna book.
i think he's quite good ..its just that he's become more of a celeberity than a hypnotherapy propfessional..lol..but that maybe a good thing !!..

take care,
shaukat.
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  #99  
Old 3rd May 2006, 23:19
Artificial Rose Artificial Rose is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Quote:
The only dilemma i seem to have in my mind is that if i change into a more confident person, would that seem arrogant to others? Where is the line between the two? Is it possible to be confident and not arrogant? I believe it is.
It depends on how u feel people perceive you now. Maybe it is not as black and white as this but as an sa'er you either come across as shy/awkward or as stuck up. This is so in my case and i am actually really curious how that is with other people on here.

If i would suddenly act more confident (because of/thanks to the newly learned techniques )i would not care if other people would think i am suddenly more arrogant..the goodness of being more confident would override any thoughts anyone would have about me.

Dont let that worry you please.
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  #100  
Old 4th May 2006, 03:06
Innerspace Innerspace is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Excellent post, Jack. I agree 100%.
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  #101  
Old 4th May 2006, 21:22
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Quote:
Originally Posted by Markymark
Hiya.

Just wondered if anyone else is reading McKenna's new book, Instant Confidence? What do you think of it?

I got his 'Change your life in 7 days' book last year. At first i was sceptical of the techniques, but i decided to keep an open mind and put the effort in to do the techniques and use the hypnotherapy cd included, and i must say it really did change my life for the better.

The new book is probably better than the first, in my case, and has promising ideas for my particular shyness with females, nightclubs and asking girls out etc. I have read the first half of it and i feel really good already after 2 days.

The only dilemma i seem to have in my mind is that if i change into a more confident person, would that seem arrogant to others? Where is the line between the two? Is it possible to be confident and not arrogant? I believe it is.

One part of the book says that unconfident people tend to think of confident people of arseholes, but really deep inside this is only because they want to be confident aswell.

At first i thought this was quite wrong but after thinking about it, i found it to be true for me. Maybe this is why a lot of SA'ers say they can't change and don't want to change, because they hate confident people. Are SA'ers in denial??

I would highly recommend it to SA'ers who have an open mind and are up for trying a new approach. You never know it might just click for you.

Mark.

I think only people with confidence problems are scared of coming across as arrogant....... Its just your negative self's way of keeping you trapped there.......
.... We could prob learn a lot from confident people!!!!
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  #102  
Old 5th May 2006, 19:52
shaken_and_stirred shaken_and_stirred is offline
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Default Re: Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence' book

Hey, has anyone seen his show on TV (Sky One/Three) Paul Mckenna:I Can Change Your Life...? I think he's kosher, and does genuinely help people who have genuine problems, but I do find it pretty frustrating that these people's difficulties seem largely resolved within a matter of minutes or very brief sessions. I am in psychotherapy myself, and have been receiving meridian therapy, which appears very similar to NLP or TFT (tapping certain points of the face and body, something Mckenna often demonstrates during these shows) but I don't seem to have achieved the same level of success (altho' my opinion on that varies day to day).
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  #103  
Old 31st July 2006, 09:55
Margham Margham is offline
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Default Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

After over a year of trying to get the courage, I've just been to see the doc about this thing. I was absolutely terrified and it took every ounce of self-control to stay in the waiting room. I went in and said I was worried about my mental health, that I have depression but I think it is more than that and then he asked me to explain my symptoms. After a few minutes he said that I probably have social phobia. He was very nice and helpful. Said lots of people have it, that there is treatment that can help, and that I should make a longer appointment to talk about treatment options. He also said that a good place to start was by learning more about it. Of course, I've started that already by coming here, but he said there are lots of books. I've just been to Amazon and there are loads on social anxiety and anxiety in general and I just don't know where to start, so if someone could recommend one, that would be good.

I feel completed knackered and like a wet rag after my appointment, but I'm glad I went. It is a relief ... something I've been worrying about for ages, and it wasn't easy but it wasn't as bad as I thought and now I feel that perhaps with his support I can get access to some proper treatment. Of course I blubbed through the entire appointment, was nearly sick and had to hide in the toilets for a few minutes afterwards before I had enough self-control to get home. Now I've somehow got to go to work and get through the day.
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  #104  
Old 31st July 2006, 11:21
ShyDoll ShyDoll is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Try this book..

I highly recommend it and i'm sure a lot of other sa-ukers would too. It helped me a lot when I first found out i have SA. My counseller told me i should find out about SA and at the time i thought 'hah what a load of B.S' but after reading just a quarter of this book i felt a lot more postive about beating this anxiety .
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  #105  
Old 31st July 2006, 11:49
mico mico is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

The book ShyDoll suggested is essential reading.

If you have trouble with anxiety and panic then get this book too:

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  #106  
Old 31st July 2006, 19:07
Margham Margham is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Thanks folks, I'll check them out!

You know the doc made a good point, he said, you can walk into almost any bookshop and there'll be a shelf of books about anxiety and shyness and low self confidence, and that just says how many people there are out there affected in this way. I mean, I've know there's a lots of books, and I've heard the statistic, but I never thought about it that way before.
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  #107  
Old 31st July 2006, 19:33
Hermit Hermit is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Well done for getting into the docs room! That's a great achievement in itself. I remember running (well walking) out of the waiting room twice due to panic setting in. Good on you!

I have to say though, on your first appointment, suggesting you get a book would be insulting/patronising to me and he wouldn't be my doctor for long.

Back to my main point, be glad and happy you got over the first hurdle! It gets slowly easier after that first big climb.
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  #108  
Old 31st July 2006, 19:41
mico mico is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit
I have to say though, on your first appointment, suggesting you get a book would be insulting/patronising to me and he wouldn't be my doctor for long.
I think it's good advice. Certainly better than what I ever get.

Any time I go to the doctor's they usually ask me what I want them to do for me. FFS, isn't that what the doctor's supposed to tell you, if I wanted to treat and diagnose myself I wouldn't bother going.
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  #109  
Old 31st July 2006, 19:50
Margham Margham is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

I don't really understand why it is insulting or patronising for him to suggest that I educate myself about my condition. I think it was a very good suggestion, especially as I have been keeping one toe (well, a leg really) in the denial camp.

One of the main reasons he suggested getting a book was so that I could learn about all the possible treatments, so that when I came back for my longer appointment I could discuss with him which one I would prefer.
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  #110  
Old 31st July 2006, 21:12
Andy_in_Brighton Andy_in_Brighton is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

I think it's good that your GP reccommended a book for you to investigate your condition, it's a lot more help than telling you that you are depressed and holding the door open for you after all. It is only recently that it is becomming more common for sufferers to look into self diagnosis and self help with aid from their GP (meds/CBT/couselling) to fast track patients to feeling better.

You may want to look into other books out there such as: How to Be Brilliant or How to Be a Complete and Utter Failure in Life, Work and Everything: 39 1/2 steps to lasting underachievement (just paste titles into amazon ) and similiar books that target issues with self confidence and focus- Be careful though as there are many of them and you'll need to do your homework a little to find which approach suits you best.

Good luck!
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  #111  
Old 31st July 2006, 21:56
Hermit Hermit is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Margham,

Cool, what works for one won't necessarily work for another though. We're all different, and have our own opinions whether that be through experience or not.

Well done though, that's my point! Hope it gets better for you from here on.
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  #112  
Old 31st July 2006, 21:59
mico mico is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy_in_Brighton
You may want to look into other books out there such as: How to Be Brilliant or How to Be a Complete and Utter Failure in Life, Work and Everything: 39 1/2 steps to lasting underachievement (just paste titles into amazon ) and similiar books that target issues with self confidence and focus- Be careful though as there are many of them and you'll need to do your homework a little to find which approach suits you best.
Very true.

The first book in this thread (overcoming social anxiety) is one of the only books I know of that takes a CBT approach specifically to social anxiety. I've read it and it explains it all very well. Definately recommended.

The second book, which I suggested (self-help for your nerves) isn't centered around social anxiety but is one of the most highly regarded books on anxiety and panic. Claire Weeke's has an uncanny understanding of what she's talking about.

Those two books alone will give you a massive understanding of the workings of anxiety and social anxiety dissorder. The rest is up to you.

Motivation is a good port of call too, in which case books like Feel the Fear and do it Anyway come in handy.

Anything else you wish to add to the list I will leave up to you.
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  #113  
Old 1st August 2006, 18:32
Margham Margham is offline
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Default Re: Been to docs, can you suggest a good book?

Thanks for your help everyone, and for your kind words Hermit!

I have ordered Gillian Butler's one to start with and will take it from there. I have filed away all the suggestions for future reference!
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  #114  
Old 9th August 2006, 18:07
Seagull Seagull is offline
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Default Books on Positive Thinking

Has anyone bought a book on positive thinking that has actually turned them into more of a positive thinker, and thus helped with their SA?

I was toying with the idea of buying one, but haven't done any research on what's out there.

Thanks in advance
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  #115  
Old 9th August 2006, 18:28
mico mico is offline
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Default Re: Books on Positive Thinking

Feel the Fear and do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers has a chaper on positive thinking and affirmations. It's pretty basic stuff but it's quite motivational. I think it helped me to some degree.
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  #116  
Old 9th August 2006, 19:24
Innerspace Innerspace is offline
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Default Re: Books on Positive Thinking

Quote:
Originally Posted by mico
Feel the Fear and do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers has a chaper on positive thinking and affirmations. It's pretty basic stuff but it's quite motivational. I think it helped me to some degree.
That book helped me too.
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  #117  
Old 10th August 2006, 02:01
MidWalian MidWalian is offline
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Default Re: Books on Positive Thinking

Quote:
Originally Posted by mico
Feel the Fear and do it Anyway by Susan Jeffers has a chaper on positive thinking and affirmations. It's pretty basic stuff but it's quite motivational. I think it helped me to some degree.
Helped and still helping me too.
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  #118  
Old 10th August 2006, 07:53
Seagull Seagull is offline
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Default Re: Books on Positive Thinking

Thanks for the responses guys, sounds like some good stuff in there.
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  #119  
Old 2nd October 2006, 20:31
newboy newboy is offline
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Thumbs up Self Help Books

Hi

I've been reading the following books recently that I thought some of you might find useful. It may be old news to some of you but I'm finding them helpful.

"Assertiveness" : Teach Yourself series

"The Secrets of Self Esteem" by Patricia Cleghorn

"Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Dummies " : From the "whatever" for dummies series!

The last one is very American in its approach, but it's worth a look.

Hope that's maybe some help to some people.:D
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  #120  
Old 2nd October 2006, 20:33
jontyboyoh jontyboyoh is offline
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Default Re: Self Help Books

Cheers mate..... I was lookin for the last one u named in the library, but some swine had taken it out!
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