Do you consider yourself attractive & sexually desirable to the opposite sex?

[Toxic]

^ 24 and your past it?

well im 25...

thats a bit of an arse

[custom_fusion-lqx]

nah lol id say over 35 and you will stuggle you can still work your charm on teh ladies

and since when was 24 considered old lol i still act like a 5 year old and im 21

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by WickedCool

nah lol id say over 35 and you will stuggle you can still work your charm on teh ladies

and since when was 24 considered old lol i still act like a 5 year old and im 21

lol I don't think you'll struggle past 35, if you look after yourself. I would say that though cos I am over 35 (and in denial)! Anyway unless you are trying to be dating loads of twenty some things when you get to that age I don't see a problem. It's certainly easier for men than women with the whole age thing. I think the pendulum swings the other way once you start going past 30 in terms of men gaining a bit back. Though there has been a bit of a backlash with the emergence of the cougar.

[Ivy]

no

[eggsarenice]

I always thought of myself as ugly (I was quite perversely proud of it, in fact), but nowadays I think I just look fairly normal, apart from my bizzare body language, anyway! But to be honest, I don't really experience attraction myself, so I feel a bit disconnected from the issue.

[Dannysbabe]

Originally Posted by Twoflower

Hahaha certainly not.

I think it has affected my SA in a large way, when I was younger I got bullied for my looks a lot and it got ingrained in me, now when out and about my imagination tells me everyones looking at me and thinking how ugly I am. Of course it's entirely in my mind - people probably don't care how I look, but as the SA interprets every imagined scornful glance as a "oh you're so ugly" comment, which can really wear you down.

Funny is I have actually no idea what I *really* look like to others. I can clearly remember feeling ugly all my childhood yet when I look back at old photos it seems I was actually a nice looking kid. Which is a shame as I spent a whole load of time as a kid wishing I was one of the "pretty girls" when, looking back - I was one.
So I have no idea how distorted my view of myself is...and that makes it hard too, if someone compliments me on my looks I can't tell if they're taking the mick or not

I could have written this.

[The_Fr33_Man]

Yes, but I dont think it matters, theirs an overweight bald guy i know that has an amazing girlfriend, looks only help in context to the person, thinking its all looks is something culture has ingrained in us, just look at the adverts all over the cities with "attractive" models posing as if to undermine our own ability to sense and recognise beauty.

I always thought of myself as ugly at a young age, which ruined alot of prospective relationships, it didn't help when people where intersted in you to inadvertantly push them away for fear of being judged....

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by The_Fr33_Man

Yes, but I dont think it matters, theirs an overweight bald guy i know that has an amazing girlfriend, looks only help in context to the person, thinking its all looks is something culture has ingrained in us, just look at the adverts all over the cities with "attractive" models posing as if to undermine our own ability to sense and recognise beauty.

Very rarely if ever do I see it the other way around though. I think guys can definitely get away without looks if they have other things going for them.

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by fedupshy1

true, but what is it with skinny guys goin for very overweight women, i can think of 5 couples i know through the work buisness of varing ages, and it always amuses me

Yeah that's true, I've seen that more. But overweight women aren't necessarily unattractive to some people.

[Neil]

Originally Posted by fedupshy1

true, but what is it with skinny guys goin for very overweight women, i can think of 5 couples i know through the work buisness of varing ages, and it always amuses me

It might be a bit of a self confidence thing, skinny guys thinking that is all they can attract, which relates to the sizism debate on the other thread.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Yeah that's true, I've seen that more. But overweight women aren't necessarily unattractive to some people.

True enough. I know there are men who find overweight females extremely attractive. My cousin has a mate who says he doesn't even look at a woman under around 17 stones or so.

Personally, I'm not sure how I see my attractiveness/desirability. I'm sort of neutral on it. I know that there will always be someone who finds you attractive no matter who you are. I could look better, but I could look worse. I think I'm an decent person and treat others accordingly. Maybe that has an attraction for some in itself. I don't know. I've got a long term partner, so I must be doing something right, so I don't give this kind of question much thought generally.

How you see yourself can matter a lot though. If you perceive yourself in a negative light you will tend to hide yourself away, be that physically and/or personality wise. So people don't get to see who you really are. All the good you have to offer is hidden as you try to hide what you perceive to be the bad. I suppose this sets a self-fulfilling prophecy in motion where you feel undesirable so keep yourself and personality under wraps. Doing this can reduce the chances of meeting and getting to know potential partners. You feel a failure, and this backs up the original negative self-perceptions you held and strengthens them further.

[Anas]

Hard to say. I look OK in the mirror, but disgusting in photos. The weight gain and hair loss doesn't really help, but I don't think I'm ugly.

[Anas]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Only until they get to know you better in some cases.

Truedat. I think a woman can find me attractive for the two seconds I'm not boring her to death.

[Fairyfirefly]

I used to before my sad got to this stage. I've been single for 9 years apart from 2 brief mistakes. I've given up now. Xxx

[InnerWorld]

No

[STRING3R]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Only until they get to know you better in some cases.

That is the main reason why I avoid people so much.

[Dan1987]

maybe if i could relax enough to be myself and have a proper conversation

[Effervescing Elephant]

Originally Posted by diplodocus

Very rarely if ever do I see it the other way around though. I think guys can definitely get away without looks if they have other things going for them.

I disagree with this. I think it is very important for a man how he looks, it's just not acknowledged.

I'm not an attractive man and I feel it's really held me back. At best I could be called plain but plenty of people have ridiculed my appearance.

It is really heartbreaking to see the speed and warmth of the welcome afforded to handsome guys when they start at the office whilst I am left out of things.

I've always been told that it is confidence that is the key but that just rings false to me.

[Golz]

Originally Posted by nineofswords

but I don't really do myself any favours, I often don't have the motivation to keep my appearance up and keep myself looking decent and quite often fall into habits of neglect.

Same, my appearance doesn't really mean anything to myself (not like I spend the day looking in mirrors) and well making an effort or not doesn't seem to make any difference to how the day will go or if I'll be noticed for it, so why bother.

Originally Posted by Effervescing Elephant

I disagree with this. I think it is very important for a man how he looks, it's just not acknowledged.

I'm not an attractive man and I feel it's really held me back. At best I could be called plain but plenty of people have ridiculed my appearance.

Along the same lines that I think really, don't feel there's any initial attraction, at least I've never really had anyone show initial interest (can think of once but typically I had no interest back in them).

[diplodocus]

Originally Posted by Effervescing Elephant

I disagree with this. I think it is very important for a man how he looks, it's just not acknowledged.

I'm not an attractive man and I feel it's really held me back. At best I could be called plain but plenty of people have ridiculed my appearance.

It is really heartbreaking to see the speed and warmth of the welcome afforded to handsome guys when they start at the office whilst I am left out of things.

I've always been told that it is confidence that is the key but that just rings false to me.

Originally Posted by Golz

Along the same lines that I think really, don't feel there's any initial attraction, at least I've never really had anyone show initial interest (can think of once but typically I had no interest back in them).

That's the difference you are both talking about the initial stages where looks do count. I'm not saying for a minute that looks don't matter for a man, however they can be overcome and confidence is definitely the key. They might not be initially attracted but personality can shine through after a while. I've lost count of the amount of women who have said of their bf's that initially they weren't physically attracted to them but they became attracted to them because of their personality, the reverse however is rare in my experience.

[Billyonastick]

I hate myself and the way I look, I feel so ugly and alone I always have.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Effervescing Elephant

I disagree with this. I think it is very important for a man how he looks, it's just not acknowledged.

I'm not an attractive man and I feel it's really held me back. At best I could be called plain but plenty of people have ridiculed my appearance.

It is really heartbreaking to see the speed and warmth of the welcome afforded to handsome guys when they start at the office whilst I am left out of things.

I've always been told that it is confidence that is the key but that just rings false to me.

I knew a guy who was definately not good looking,.. but he was incredibly popular with women, and, with everyone really becuase he had a great personality.

I really liked the guy a lot, everyone did, and you just looked past the appearance and liked the guy for who he was,..I'd also say that someone good looking will easily be ignored or dismissed if they have no personality, I know it's a cliche, but it happens to be true.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Jerry302199

I knew a guy who was definately not good looking,.. but he was incredibly popular with women, and, with everyone really becuase he had a great personality.

I really liked the guy a lot, everyone did, and you just looked past the appearance and liked the guy for who he was,..I'd also say that someone good looking will easily be ignored or dismissed if they have no personality, I know it's a cliche, but it happens to be true.

Now I know lots of people say ''it's different for girls'' (Cue Joe Jackson song ) but I recently saw this in action with a girl rather than a male.

I was on my way to a gig with a friend and we popped into a pub in town. There was a girl working behind the bar who was certainly not classically good looking. She was a very ordinary girl with very ordinary looks and dress sense.

You know what though? This girl simply owned the entire pub with her warmth and friendly attitude with customers. Her confidence was obvious, and the customers lapped it up and were falling all over themselves to be served by her and give her tips. She was simply amazing to watch, and she came over as extremely attractive despite being (subjective I know) rather plain to look at. I seriously doubt many would give her a second glance in the street, but the way she came across personality wise was amazingly attractive.

I think how we put ourselves across makes an amazing difference to how we are perceived by others. I've also seen very ordinary guys who come across in a very attractive way and have few problems attracting the ladies.

Looks only get you so far, especially with quality people. After that, personality is crucial. Ultimately, for anyone sticking around in your life for a long time, personality is generally what will keep them there. The novelty of looks soon fades if a person hasn't got a warm personality and some personal qualities.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by fedupshy1

Well said old bean, brilliantly put

It's ages since anyone called me ''old bean.''

[GhostOnMagneticTape]

Originally Posted by Benfica

Looks only get you so far, especially with quality people. After that, personality is crucial. Ultimately, for anyone sticking around in your life for a long time, personality is generally what will keep them there. The novelty of looks soon fades if a person hasn't got a warm personality and some personal qualities.

Indeedy, unfortunately my personality (and lack of confidence) sucks. Almost 37 years of being single makes me question my own sexuality and what I have actually done to find a partner (as biologically men are meant to make most of the effort)...

Advice to younger (men) people here - Chatting to women online, noooooooooOOOOOooo... avoid it unless you want to be head screwed and deluded.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by PaloAlto

I've been told I'm pretty, but I am quite insecure about my looks and if I catch someone looking at me I get really flustered. I'd like to be able to wear the clothes I want to wear (and have) without feeling so self-conscious. I find that being really self-conscious can be undesirable to others, so even if you are attractive, some people will find that too off-putting and then your desirability is significantly reduced :/

I know what you mean, but it can work the other way too. Females generally considered to be pretty and males generally considered to be good looking are often perceived as being a bit too into themselves, and this can be quite off-putting to potential partners.

Personally, I think a female who is a bit self-conscious and has some humility can be extremely attractive and endearing. It can make a girl a lot more approachable too, I think.

Originally Posted by AlienBuddha

Indeedy, unfortunately my personality (and lack of confidence) sucks.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I know I don't know you personally, but from what I read from you on here I think your personality is just fine.

[AxelFendersson]

Originally Posted by Benfica

Personally, I think a female who is a bit self-conscious and has some humility can be extremely attractive and endearing. It can make a girl a lot more approachable too, I think.

I tend to agree. But I think there's a difference between someone who has a little bit of humility and is a bit unsure of him- or herself, which a lot of people find endearing, and having no self-confidence at all, which a lot of people find off-putting.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by PaloAlto

I agree. And I'm the same way with the opposite sex. But I've found that people tend to treat me like a bit of a leper because I'm self-conscious. Even people who have their own social anxiety issues, which doesn't help...

Sorry to hear that. I wonder why that is? I think sometimes people simply don't know how to be around a self-conscious person, so they sort of avoid trying. Maybe it's easier for them. Not nice for you of course.

Maybe it's similar with some who also have social anxiety issues of their own too. If they don't know how to handle their own issues on the subject, maybe dealing with others with similar issues can feel even more difficult? Who knows though, I'm just guessing there.

Take care.

Originally Posted by Axel

I tend to agree. But I think there's a difference between someone who has a little bit of humility and is a bit unsure of him- or herself, which a lot of people find endearing, and having no self-confidence at all, which a lot of people find off-putting.

Of course. I agree with you there. A complete lack of self-confidence is generally not attractive.

[GoldFish]

people who were blessed with good looks have it so lucky that its not even funny. i mean its just a big advantage to have, you can hide your worries easier, people will gravitate to you more in an approachable way. you'll have more attention. more of an advantage in a job interview. favourable in many ways. good looking people are usually happier and have swagger because they know that their looks give them swagger.

[Libbyjay]

After giving it much thought I'm going to go with No - I don't think I am