stopped medication

[Rockysocks]

Hi,

I am 27. Since my early teens I experienced extreme highs and lows, severe anxiety, insomnia and emotional instability. In Feb 2014, after a break up, I went on an SSRI. It was the best thing ever. I felt amazing after a few weeks. My weight went up, but I could afford to. I felt high as a kite at times. Life was good. I decided I should go to Australia. Why not.
And when I got there in April 2015, after a few weeks, I decided to stop meds. I felt horrible. Did my three months of farming. Towards the end I gave in and went back on it. The farm didn't help.
Got a job in a call centre. Got my dose increased as was feeling bad. Met my current partner. The dose increase helped. Got fired after two months for talking too much on the phone. Crashed emotionally. Six weeks or so joblessness and down to last couple hundred dollars. When I got another job.
Weight has gone up more. Liked this job. Was there four months until contract was up. Mood was good at first then just average.
Starter new job right in April this year. Blamed anti depressants on weight and no sex drive so I stopped. I didn't crash. I am just here. Two months later. Sex drive never returned. No weight loss despite big efforts at times (until after three weeks when I saw I no progress).
I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad. At work I am mostly reserved. After past experiences I feel it's safer. I live isolated except for partner, who I live with.

Has anyone else still felt kind of numb off meds as they did on them?

I feel like somewhere during the past two years I have lost myself.