Do you feel better since being labelled?

[umm]

Since you self diagnosed/were diagnosed/began to suspect you had SA, do you find life easier or harder? For me, it's nice to not feel I'm the only one in this position, and that I have an explanation for many things, but also there's a temptation to stop trying, like the battle for identity has been won, albeit in a rather pyrrhic victory.

I dunno. Just some thoughts. Someone tell me what's the answer.

[Hidden Pants]

Don't believe there is a correct answer. Is there ever?

But totally get what you're saying. Diagnosis means for me that now I know what to treat. I can recognize my issues easier so I can make better decisions on how to deal with them.

Yeah, its easier to run away from the difficult situations now that I recognize them. Why not? I've forced myself into difficult situations my whole life trying do this 'normal' thing, I want a break. Is that so bad?

[flumpsy]

Much much worse.

It is nice to know it is a real "thing" and I am not alone in having problems but I got by before whereas now I am very aware of all my quirks built up over the years to get by. I feel stupid for doing them and feel other people know I am doing them.

I also hate knowing there is a huge safety net, if I just gave in, stayed at home and phoned up and said "yeah , I have this thing, it is real you know, I am going to stay home from now on". Or just buggering off to another country with a note saying "google SA, thats what I got, seeya". Even though I felt more alone I preferred it when this wanst constantly an option of backing out of anything that is hard work, including the things that are nothing to do with SA.

Ignorance is bliss.

Sorry, monday morning blues

[Mochachino]

The good thing I find is a) Knowing that what I have/had was not an isolated incident, and b) that it's much easier to pinpoint sources of help: the vaguer your problem is the less applicable any solution can be.

Well, I still managed to sort my issues out without knowing the label, but it took years. Hearing people's feedback on therapy however, I don't know if going to one would have either sped up or delayed the process.

[purplerose]

If I hadn't been told I have social anxiety I wouldn't have discoverd this site and everybody else that is going through similar things to me. i also wouldn't have found out all the Information I know about SA and wouldn't have had CBT etc so I guess for me it's a good thing most of the time !

[tryinghard]

For me, it's definitely worse to have a label. I am officially diagnosed with SA, although I did not agree with the psych at the time Anyone who knows me knows that I am always right (according to me )

But I've had a lot of different diagnoses and they've all made me feel bad, to be honest. The humiliation of 'having something wrong with me' is a big part of it. I feel different from other people/damaged. I was diagnosed at 13 (not with SA) so I don't know anything else, but I wonder how I would have felt without it all. My brother once told me he didn't think there was anything wrong with me at all and that I am simply suffering the fallout from 16 years of people telling me I'm mad. My 'madness' is my source of shame and the reason for my SA, so I sometimes think he's 100% correct...

[kirbycrackle]

Its been helpful in its way.

Still think the term social anxiety seems made up or not that bad to anyone i tell though.
Thats Not many btw.

[tryinghard]

Just reading these replies I realised that the very first time I looked up my symptoms online when I was 13 and realised I had an eating disorder, I initially felt relief. I had no idea that what was happening to me happened to other people too - it seemed so bizarre and extreme.

The relief for me was crushed when I realised there was no quick treatment. I guess you get used to physical health problems and think diagnosis=treatment. Not diagnosis=? I didn't know anything about mental health problems when I was that age and also didn't realise my emotions had anything to do with it (wasn't a particularly emotional sort) so I basically took myself off to a psychologist and said: "So how do we fix it? What's the cure?" And when it was all just 'talking' I think I just went: **** this shit, this isn't a cure. And quit. But then no one explained to me that my emotions were involved so to me the idea of talking things through seemed irrelevant to a problem that appeared to me to be some kind of compulsion that 'must' be caused by a thing, so just - y'know - tell me what the thing is....it was very frustrating for me.

Once I realised how complicated mental health is and how difficult it is to treat mental illness, that's when the relief stopped for me.

[HiImJen123]

I think overall it's a good thing because it is something that can be fixed/improved upon and it's not just down to the way I am. It's comforting to know that there are other people who are in similar situations so I feel less alone now.
However I do worry that I'll use SA as an unnecessary excuse to avoid doing things that I don't really want to do but would've done if I hadn't known it was a thing, or use it to feel sorry for myself and mope instead of doing something about whatever it is that's bothering me.

[flumpsy]

^^ Kyle, great post, this is exactly how I feel and despite really trying not to, I have ended up doing many of the things in your bad section.

When I didnt know I somehow managed to avoid the "all alone" issue, if I hadnt then I would probably feel differently but given that actually, until I found out I still just about managed to keep a fair few good friends around me, I didnt see them often but I did just enough to keep them as mates. Since finding out I only have 2 left, I thought I lost one of those but did just enough on saturday to hang on to him I think. I hope.

Before I found out about SA my life was crazy, mixed up, confusing, random and full of strange things that seemed to have no purpose. It had some stability though and a little bit of cozy in the mix.

After finding out my life is a daily struggle against a secret I wont tell anybody about, literally everything I do makes me think about SA and wonder what other people, without SA would do(or think) differently. I am pretty sure that is all going to calm down gradually but it is a pain nonetheless.

This place, and a couple of tiny changes I made at work are the only good things to have come out of knowing. I dont mind feeling different, everybody is different in one way or another. Calling it a mental health issue kind of makes you feel broken, it shouldnt, but it does. I would rather be different than broken.

If you are the type of person who asks for help then having a label is pretty important I imagine. I dont so it isnt important. Plus after telling the one person I told I went to wikipedia (and mental health websites) and was horrified. It gives a general impression of elements that may be involved. I assume he now thinks that defines me when in fact 90% at least is not related.

[Nicbehappy]

I think it is a bit easier, when it was first realised and talked about me having SA at a counselling session I came away feeling relieved and for a while I stopped putting pressure on myself to change and stopped being so hard on myself for being 'different' .

I then found this site after having googled everything to do with SA and was such a comfort to know others experiencing the same issues I suffer, not that I would wish it on anyone! However still unable to tell anyone even close to me, not sure I want to be labelled.

[umm]

I think for me it has been a mixed bag. It's been a year since I twigged. At first it was quite illuminating. I had an excuse, a reason, for my behaviour. But recently I find myself using it as a justification for not doing stuff, whereas, as others have said, before I would press blindly on, now I can reasonably think: oh, no, I don't do that. And it's a bit of a shame. But then again a. I am alot less stressed and b. I actually don't think I do / not do significantly more or less than I did before. I suppose it gives me a better starting point and having a ready-made reason for any weirdness that may ensue removes the threat of uncertainty and surprises. Then again again, being less stressed reduces motivation in a bizarre way. I suppose it is just a different motivator. Interesting replies folks!

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Definitely better. Before I found out what the problem actually was I simply thought I was going insane. I felt like an alien dropped off here by accident and who was totally out of synch with everything and everyone. For so long my GP's were no help, psychiatrists were no help and I was basically left on my own after being told from my GP that I was ''just neurotic'' and my psychiatrist telling me ''well everyone feels like that''.

Fast forward many miserable years until I found out what was really wrong. This gave me something to go on. Something to work with. At last, I knew what I was dealing with and could research what help, support, therapy and meds that may help me move forward.

Fast forward more years of putting all that into practice, plenty of trial and error, and I don't have SA at disordered levels anymore. It took 52 years to say that, but better late than never. Every single bit of my progression came after finally knowing what was wrong, because then I could work out how to put it right.

[tryinghard]

This has been a really interesting discussion. I haven't started to avoid anything myself since being diagnosed with SA, I don't think it really changed my life in anyway, except feeling a bit annoyed at the psych because I just thought: "What? Another label? How does that help, exactly?" Maybe because I have had so many labels in life they simply stop meaning anything to me - they're just more evidence that I'm mad.

I initially also thought it was really interesting that others didn't know they had a mental health issue until they found out about SA...but then I realised that I did not consider anorexia a mental health issue, nor even exactly an issue, until it got really bad and I looked it up. It's funny what you live with. For me, SA was an obvious 'issue' because it represented an actual change in my personality between the ages of 15 and 16, following some events at that time (abusive relationship coupled with mass rejection and enforced isolation - those things were connected, btw). And that's when SA started; before then I had no fear in social settings and picked up "friends" really easily. The only thing that was off about me socially (although I wouldn't have called it 'off') was that I wasn't particularly socially skilled (but this did not concern me at the time).

[umm]

Re: the mental health label, I am reluctant to adopt it for myself (never been diagnosed) simply because I have encountered people both here, elsewere online and IRL with "real" mental health issues - depression, psychosis, severe anxiety, autism, you name it - and theirs are far more severe than anything I have to contend with, and they need actual help, so I would feel like a faker - but that is just me, where I tend to think that my situation is no more severe than, say, a phobia of spiders, but that the object of my phobia is harder to avoid in daily life, so it seems to me kind of a normal thing seasoned witha dose of bad luck. F**k me, that's a long sentence!

[Mo34]

Yes and No.
Years and years ago definitely yes and when I had a major sa relapse yes. It helps in so much as that it is an actual thing and in terms of back in 2002 or 3 when I found sauk I just remember being truly overwhelmed with relief at finding others who felt/experienced the same.

I kind of find at the minute it's a bit of hindrance as I often approach things with the idea of how I will do them because of sa. I recently went somewhere with my counsellor and even she commented on how poised and able I was during it. I came to the conclusion that I had avoided going/trying for so long because I presumed I couldn't do it as I have sa. Actually when I dropped the label and just did it (with her support), it turned out ok. I'm not saying that's the case with everything, but still....I sometimes think, at times, it drags me down or rather holds me back in some ways.

[Clockface]

Yes I feel better for knowing I have SA. I just wish other people would realise it is a psychological 'disorder' (not sure if that's the right word to use?) and understand and empathise with people who have it, rather than just scoffing at us and expecting us to be normal and get over our supposed childhood shyness.

One thing I can't stand amongst non-SAers is those who expect everyone else to be like them. We're all different and unique individuals! Life would be so boring if everyone was the same.

[Z.]

I feel the same to be honest.