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  #31  
Old 14th November 2014, 10:41
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hey there Milly, I know how it feels, to want to make friends, I think its intrinsic to being a human, I've tried a lot of things to tackle SA, the only thing that I have found to help is putting oneself into a social situation that you can, at least, cope with. For example, perhaps a sports group, where you can socialise a bit, but also engage in physical activity to alleviate the stress. Also, I started some basic meditation a year back and, overtime, I've felt this to have helped my anxiety in social situations.
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  #32  
Old 15th November 2014, 10:07
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Hey there Milly, I know how it feels, to want to make friends, I think its intrinsic to being a human, I've tried a lot of things to tackle SA, the only thing that I have found to help is putting oneself into a social situation that you can, at least, cope with. For example, perhaps a sports group, where you can socialise a bit, but also engage in physical activity to alleviate the stress. Also, I started some basic meditation a year back and, overtime, I've felt this to have helped my anxiety in social situations.
Dear Cognitive,

Thank you, sports could work! You are right it is much harder when you are meant to chat. Meditation worked for me as well in the past, I may give it an other go.

What sports do you do?

Have a great weekend!
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  #33  
Old 16th November 2014, 15:23
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Sports wise, I play tennis, this is a good way to approach things, you don't have to be Federer to join up at your local club, mixing in sessions are always good fun and easy going. Doesn't have to be tennis though, are there any sports, or, outdoor activities you enjoy? Yes, keep going on the meditation. I've found it has started to give me a different perspective on anxiety. Previously, i'd try so hard to avoid the anxiety, but, of course, I couldn't. With meditation, I can, not always, but more, step back in my mind and simply observe the anxiety. Difficult to explain, but its as if you can watch you're mind, without engaging with its usual turbulence so much. I also joined a meditation group, and this is a good step to take. Perhaps you could look at the website, 'meet up', and see if there are any meditation groups in your area. A Lot of people who go these groups have struggles of their own and are just seeking a bit of peace, so they are very likely to be open and friendly. Just some food for thought Milly :-)
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  #34  
Old 16th November 2014, 16:03
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Sports wise, I play tennis, this is a good way to approach things, you don't have to be Federer to join up at your local club, mixing in sessions are always good fun and easy going. Doesn't have to be tennis though, are there any sports, or, outdoor activities you enjoy? Yes, keep going on the meditation. I've found it has started to give me a different perspective on anxiety. Previously, i'd try so hard to avoid the anxiety, but, of course, I couldn't. With meditation, I can, not always, but more, step back in my mind and simply observe the anxiety. Difficult to explain, but its as if you can watch you're mind, without engaging with its usual turbulence so much. I also joined a meditation group, and this is a good step to take. Perhaps you could look at the website, 'meet up', and see if there are any meditation groups in your area. A Lot of people who go these groups have struggles of their own and are just seeking a bit of peace, so they are very likely to be open and friendly. Just some food for thought Milly :-)
Hi Cognitive,
Thank you so much, great tips! Both tennis and meditation are close to my heart. I will try meditation first, that seems more doable right now. Perhaps all our little hang ups are not as important as they seem and everyone struggles with something.:-)
do you find chatting here therapeutical? Airing thoughts
I could never voice before is tremendously liberating. If I am not careful may take the liberation too far and start walking around naked.

Milly
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  #35  
Old 16th November 2014, 17:12
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

No problemo Milly :-) Haha, well, i'm sure there nudist groups out there to, perhaps that would be a good flooding technique?! Yeah, talking on here is good, the problem is when you suffer from SA you don't connect with others, so you are left feeling alone and stuck in a rut. Good to talk and share ideas about making small steps to improve with others suffering the same problems. If I may ask Milly, have you always struggled with SA, or, was it brought on from some event?
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  #36  
Old 16th November 2014, 18:32
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Originally Posted by Cognitive
No problemo Milly :-) Haha, well, i'm sure there nudist groups out there to, perhaps that would be a good flooding technique?! Yeah, talking on here is good, the problem is when you suffer from SA you don't connect with others, so you are left feeling alone and stuck in a rut. Good to talk and share ideas about making small steps to improve with others suffering the same problems. If I may ask Milly, have you always struggled with SA, or, was it brought on from some event?
Hi Cognitive,

That is the propranolol working its magic.;-) Good question. :-) Why are you asking? Unfortunately I am an extrovert, so I need interaction with people but I have had SA as long as I can remember so I don't connect well with people and struggle with communication. There were a few contributing factors in my childhood.
How about you?
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  #37  
Old 16th November 2014, 18:58
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Well, its good to share, and to learn so we can slowly build and help others in our situation to build. Yes, I get those moments to :-) Feels like your mind is whizzing round and round, difficult to know what to do. Sorry to hear you have had some difficult times in the past, I had that to, to an extent, we are most impressionable when we are young. I hear you on wanting to connect to others, its like you are standing on one side of the glass and everyone else is on the other side, just out of reach, just want to try and get past that barrier, or, at least, keep working towards it :-)
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  #38  
Old 16th November 2014, 19:38
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

It's pathetic, isn't it??? It would be sooo much easier without this desire. To be fair I just want to chat here a bit about how to leave on this side of the glass. How to make it work. I've accepted being different, here I am not alone but I will never make it to the other side.
You seem to be doing well though, well spoken and articulate. What is your plan?
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  #39  
Old 16th November 2014, 22:17
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Yeah, I know, I've tried to find solutions to that problem, to be rid of that desire as you say, but, in my opinion, happiness is found in those moments with another human being, another soul. Yes, I'm slowly improving, but, its always going to be difficult to fully break that barrier, you can keep chipping away though, perhaps it may crack and fall one day :-) Hmm, well I'm not entirely sure what the plan is Milly, never have! Had my time at uni and did quite well, academically speaking, but, i'm still waiting on tables and scrubbing pots and pans. Hopefully, going to receive some training for a new job in the near future, which will be good, fingers crossed. Other than that, keeping the clubs going, and starting to branch out, slowly, but surely, make new friends, make those connections. How about yourself Milly, what are your plans, hopes or dreams for the future?
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  #40  
Old 16th November 2014, 22:58
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

What have you read at uni? Why are you still waiting tables? I always have a plan. It doesn't involve friends anymore, I mean I do have people in my life but I am more or less invisible to most. So it is just about my family.
Would that be your dream? To make it to the other side? And then what comes next?
I've cried so much since I've registered here and this is the first time when I don't. Thank you so much. Talking to you made me realize that I am all right.
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  #41  
Old 17th November 2014, 09:30
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperTed
Sorry I'm a bit late, but welcome to you, Milly. Hope you're enjoying it here
Dear SuperTed,

Thank and yes, it is a great site.:-)
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  #42  
Old 17th November 2014, 11:17
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

I'm glad, likewise Milly, seems we are on a similar journey :-) I do dream about that, making friends, still get those moments where I find myself thinking about having lots of them, or, being famous, or silly stuff like that, what can you do! Going into this new job will good, then I can save some serious money and, eventually, get a place of my own, I would like to independent. I did a couple of history courses at uni and was trying to get the ball rolling on another, but, at around this time things that I had pushed down inside me started to poke their head at the surface, and this coincided with a relationship breakdown....wasn't the best. Working with the problems now, rather than suppressing them, but, as i'm sure you know its a working process.

I agree, family is always a good place to concentrate you're care and attention, has you're family helped you with your SA? Seems like they are lucky to have you.
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  #43  
Old 19th November 2014, 17:53
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

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Originally Posted by Cognitive
I'm glad, likewise Milly, seems we are on a similar journey :-) I do dream about that, making friends, still get those moments where I find myself thinking about having lots of them, or, being famous, or silly stuff like that, what can you do! Going into this new job will good, then I can save some serious money and, eventually, get a place of my own, I would like to independent. I did a couple of history courses at uni and was trying to get the ball rolling on another, but, at around this time things that I had pushed down inside me started to poke their head at the surface, and this coincided with a relationship breakdown....wasn't the best. Working with the problems now, rather than suppressing them, but, as i'm sure you know its a working process.

I agree, family is always a good place to concentrate you're care and attention, has you're family helped you with your SA? Seems like they are lucky to have you.
Good luck with your new job.:-)

Working progress for life. It seems hard to know what is worth doing. I am not really keen on chemicals as a solution so may try something natural. Let's face it, I have to change things but nothing too dramatic. Are you on any meds?

By my family I mainly mean my kids. They are great but they highlight my problems too. We don't get many play dates and I blame my own awkwardness.
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  #44  
Old 19th November 2014, 22:06
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Sure, I understand what you mean when you say its hard to know what is worth doing. Must confess, I'm a bit lost most of the time. Even when I know what to do it never really seems....enough, perhaps that's just me, perhaps its just human nature, what do you think? I was on meds, a couple of years ago, paroxetine I think it was. I don't have them at the moment. I find if I meditate each day, then this helps keep my mood stable....enough, you know how it is. Ah, I imagine that its a lot of work. I help look after my little nephew (2 years now, time flies!) for a couple of days a week and I find that hard, so my hats off to you! You say, they highlight you're problems too, do you mean that they also suffer from social difficulties? Hope you are well :-)
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  #45  
Old 20th November 2014, 13:54
overthinker overthinker is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hi Milly
I can second what Cognitive says about meditation, it helps me when I can get motivated enough to do it. Also yoga has been a big help to me with anxiety issues and also general wellbeing.
I understand what you are saying about the kids highlighting issues. I am a little further on in my journey than you but your story reminds me of my life maybe ten years ago when my children were younger. I struggled with the necessary socializing you have to do for your kids and worried if it would affect them. I pushed myself to go to playgroups etc. but it was difficult for me. I remember getting very nervous before going, making sure I got there early so there wouldn't already be big groups of mums talking. If I didn't manage to speak to anyone I would come home feeling upset and if I did I would worry about how it went and what people thought of me. Also there were a few things about my childhhood that weren't ideal which may have contributed to my issues and I tried so hard to make things perfect for my children as they are naturally a little shy. They've turned out well so I must have done something right
Life is much more comfortable for me now they are older and I don't feel the need for socialising as much as my children are honestly my best friends. I know they will have less time for me as their lives develop and I need to make more of life for myself now.
We can only do our best for our children and the fact that you are aware of your problems and trying to help yourself for them is very admirable. You obviously love them very much and they are lucky to have you as a mum
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  #46  
Old 20th November 2014, 22:54
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hi Milly,

Only just joined up myself today - I'm sure I'll get a bit more talkative as time goes on, but for now, just a Hello
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  #47  
Old 21st November 2014, 20:48
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Sure, I understand what you mean when you say its hard to know what is worth doing. Must confess, I'm a bit lost most of the time. Even when I know what to do it never really seems....enough, perhaps that's just me, perhaps its just human nature, what do you think? I was on meds, a couple of years ago, paroxetine I think it was. I don't have them at the moment. I find if I meditate each day, then this helps keep my mood stable....enough, you know how it is. Ah, I imagine that its a lot of work. I help look after my little nephew (2 years now, time flies!) for a couple of days a week and I find that hard, so my hats off to you! You say, they highlight you're problems too, do you mean that they also suffer from social difficulties? Hope you are well :-)
Hi Cognitive,

I hope you are well. How kind of you to help look after your nephew. His parents are really lucky! 2 is a nice afe appart from the occasional tantrum.
My youngest is 1 and it fascinating to witness him learning and disvovering new things.
My middle one is shy but it is more about them missing out on playing with friends because I can't interact with the mums.
I still believe that your sport club idea is great and I will try something soon. It takes away the focus from me and gives us a topic. Genius. ;-)
How often do u play tennis? Shame we can't play together, I am not looking forward to the first few lessons.
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  #48  
Old 21st November 2014, 21:01
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by overthinker
Hi Milly
I can second what Cognitive says about meditation, it helps me when I can get motivated enough to do it. Also yoga has been a big help to me with anxiety issues and also general wellbeing.
I understand what you are saying about the kids highlighting issues. I am a little further on in my journey than you but your story reminds me of my life maybe ten years ago when my children were younger. I struggled with the necessary socializing you have to do for your kids and worried if it would affect them. I pushed myself to go to playgroups etc. but it was difficult for me. I remember getting very nervous before going, making sure I got there early so there wouldn't already be big groups of mums talking. If I didn't manage to speak to anyone I would come home feeling upset and if I did I would worry about how it went and what people thought of me. Also there were a few things about my childhhood that weren't ideal which may have contributed to my issues and I tried so hard to make things perfect for my children as they are naturally a little shy. They've turned out well so I must have done something right
Life is much more comfortable for me now they are older and I don't feel the need for socialising as much as my children are honestly my best friends. I know they will have less time for me as their lives develop and I need to make more of life for myself now.
We can only do our best for our children and the fact that you are aware of your problems and trying to help yourself for them is very admirable. You obviously love them very much and they are lucky to have you as a mum
Hi Overthinker,

Yes, you get me perfectly and that is really comforting.
That must be amazing , being good friends with your kids. I was desperate to have children and often wonder if I wanted create these little people to love me and be my friends.
My issues are around not feeling loved as if someone loves me and I can feel it that opens me up. Or rather brings out the best of me?? Do u have that?
Playgroups are the second worst thing right after the school run chats... there are a few snotty mums who wouldn't even say hi to me. Although this is not just SA related.
how about work? Have you ever had issues there?
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, it gives me hope for my babies growing up fine.
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  #49  
Old 21st November 2014, 21:02
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hood
Hi Milly,

Only just joined up myself today - I'm sure I'll get a bit more talkative as time goes on, but for now, just a Hello
Hi Hood,
It is very nice to meet u.:-)
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  #50  
Old 23rd November 2014, 20:56
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hey milly, yeah, I play a couple of times a week if I can, started when I was about 15, still no good after 10 years of playing, why is that!? Are you thinking of taking lessons? If so, that's a great idea, it's a good way to meet new people, and get fit at the same time, you could then teach your kids as well :-) I remember you mentioning that you have had experience with meditation, are you currently practising? If so, how are you finding it? Anyway, hope those Sunday blues are not hitting you
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  #51  
Old 24th November 2014, 15:21
overthinker overthinker is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Millynomates
Hi Overthinker,

Yes, you get me perfectly and that is really comforting.
That must be amazing , being good friends with your kids. I was desperate to have children and often wonder if I wanted create these little people to love me and be my friends.
My issues are around not feeling loved as if someone loves me and I can feel it that opens me up. Or rather brings out the best of me?? Do u have that?
Playgroups are the second worst thing right after the school run chats... there are a few snotty mums who wouldn't even say hi to me. Although this is not just SA related.
how about work? Have you ever had issues there?
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, it gives me hope for my babies growing up fine.
I know exactly what you mean Milly about being sure of somebody before you can open up to them. I think that is one of my big problems in making new friends, it takes me a long time to trust people and show them the real me.
School run chats...yes absolutely I can sympathise. You're right though you always get a group of snotty mums who look down on everyone else and that applies whether you are socially anxious or not. I did manage to connect with a few of the nicer mums and a couple I am still in touch with now. I think it's just about finding the right people for you but I know it can be very hard. I used to dread kids parties too with all the mums sitting around talking and laughing really loudly!
Work has been big a problem for me in the past too and my SA has probably been a big factor in me not progressing as much as I could even though I have found bringing up a family to be the most rewarding job for me so have concentrated mainly on that
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  #52  
Old 24th November 2014, 21:35
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Hey milly, yeah, I play a couple of times a week if I can, started when I was about 15, still no good after 10 years of playing, why is that!? Are you thinking of taking lessons? If so, that's a great idea, it's a good way to meet new people, and get fit at the same time, you could then teach your kids as well :-) I remember you mentioning that you have had experience with meditation, are you currently practising? If so, how are you finding it? Anyway, hope those Sunday blues are not hitting you
Hi Cognitive,

I am not sure if all this quoting is doing anything but here we go.

What do you mean by Sunday blues?? Hope you are well.

Surely after 10 year you must be quite good. Sport is a great thing in many ways, you meet people, all the endorphin, health benefits. I will definitely take lessons, when my youngest starts preschool. At the moment both my girls are taking lessons, and I think they could teach me things not the other way around. The outdoorsy aspect of tennis is great too and you are likely to meet a nice crowed. Many of the snooty mums at school play. Who do you play with?

Do you meditate? Is it helping you? I don't even have time to sleep enough, but would love to try meditation. One day perhaps. I am really interested in Buddhism and I think meditation is related to that too.

Hugz
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  #53  
Old 26th November 2014, 19:57
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hey Milly, cheers for the hug, right back at you :-) ah, Sunday Blues, maybe its just me but I always feel down on Sunday, I don't even have work on Monday as an excuse! Guess on Sundays I tend to feel more isolated for some reason. That's great that your planning on taking lessons, its really not hard once you get into it, perhaps we could team up for mixed doubles at Wimbledon next year? I'm game ;-) Haha, yeah, you always get some snooty mums that drive up in their expensive 4x4's, but, they aren't so bad, they're probably even more anxious than we are deep down. I play tennis with a variety of people......unfortunately, many of them are somewhat older than me, significantly older (I bring the age average down quite a bit). I have been seriously meditating for about 10 months after I realised that I was pretty unhappy, and wanted to try a different path. The results have been surprising actually. Although it can raise some difficult feelings, overall, it has helped with general anxiety and depression, and, to some, extent SA also (although its certainly still there). So if you are suffering with those at the moment then, just by dedicating 10 mins a day, overtime, can make a difference. I do however recognise that you are a mum and that's easy for me to say with no such commitments. You do learn about yourself when you meditate, when you watch your mind you can see what makes it tick. Anyways, how are you doing, having a good/bad week?
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  #54  
Old 30th November 2014, 22:51
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Hey Milly, cheers for the hug, right back at you :-) ah, Sunday Blues, maybe its just me but I always feel down on Sunday, I don't even have work on Monday as an excuse! Guess on Sundays I tend to feel more isolated for some reason. That's great that your planning on taking lessons, its really not hard once you get into it, perhaps we could team up for mixed doubles at Wimbledon next year? I'm game ;-) Haha, yeah, you always get some snooty mums that drive up in their expensive 4x4's, but, they aren't so bad, they're probably even more anxious than we are deep down. I play tennis with a variety of people......unfortunately, many of them are somewhat older than me, significantly older (I bring the age average down quite a bit). I have been seriously meditating for about 10 months after I realised that I was pretty unhappy, and wanted to try a different path. The results have been surprising actually. Although it can raise some difficult feelings, overall, it has helped with general anxiety and depression, and, to some, extent SA also (although its certainly still there). So if you are suffering with those at the moment then, just by dedicating 10 mins a day, overtime, can make a difference. I do however recognise that you are a mum and that's easy for me to say with no such commitments. You do learn about yourself when you meditate, when you watch your mind you can see what makes it tick. Anyways, how are you doing, having a good/bad week?
Hi Cognitive,

Wimbledon.)) Would be nice, but let's not run before we can walk. I will see if I can hit the ball at all. That would be a start, but thank you for believing in me.
I will definitely give meditation a go, I may fall asleep though. I will just focus on relaxing my body bit by bit, well that is what I used to do.
What do you do? Try to think of something?
How was your Sunday? Any blues or did you escape it this time?

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  #55  
Old 1st December 2014, 14:33
Cognitive Cognitive is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Hey there Milly, that's good anything to help you relax is worth doing. I try and focus on the breath, sometimes it works, other times its very hard, I guess its about persisting. Well, I'm not great at the moment, have some other things going on like OCD and depression, it takes it out of me a bit sometimes. Thanks for asking though.
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  #56  
Old 20th January 2015, 21:45
Millynomates Millynomates is offline
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Default Re: Hello everyone:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cognitive
Hey there Milly, that's good anything to help you relax is worth doing. I try and focus on the breath, sometimes it works, other times its very hard, I guess its about persisting. Well, I'm not great at the moment, have some other things going on like OCD and depression, it takes it out of me a bit sometimes. Thanks for asking though.
Hi Cognitive,
How are you? How was your Christmas? Are all these related I mean SA, OCD and depression? I hope you feel better soon.
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  #57  
Old 20th January 2015, 23:45
10203040 10203040 is offline
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Welcome Milly
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