#1
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A friend who's company I don't enjoy
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've posted here. I don't know whether this thread is more appropriate in the relationships forum.
Basically, there's this guy I met in a meet for people with aspergers who I've been meeting up with for walks and cycle ride, and even a trip to the New Forest. Now, the thing is he basically doesn't have any friends, I can see why. The truth is, he isn't that pleasant as company, here's why;
The truth is most people would not want to hang out with someone like that. The thing is, I want to give him the above feedback and tell him honestly that the above are the reasons why he's got no friends. I don't know how I will go about doing that. I believe I can help. I know a significant amount of the above behaviors are due to his condition and to poor social skills. On the plus side he's quite proactive at organizing get togethers, so that's a social strength. I want to meet up with him and give him honest feedback, but I don't want to be too harsh and critical. If you go through life treating people like that, people won't want to hang out with you, and you might end up very lonely and socially-isolated. I think the best I can do here is help. |
#2
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
Its admirable of you to want to try but I'm not sure how receptive he will be. You could try a very gentle approach, perhaps pointing out that something you put up with, like the things you mentioned above, can come across as extremely rude to others but be prepared to be met with hostility. I don't think you can meet up and then bombard him with a list of behaviours that others find difficult, I think you probably need to take time and address the issues as and when they come up with you. It sounds as if he has a good friend in you, and I hope that he will be able to see that.
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#3
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
Maybe when you meet him and he does the things you have mentioned above you could comment how rude he is. If he is horrible towards the gay person you could say I'm going to still invite him, being gay doesn't make him a bad person, I enjoy his company.
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#4
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
Has he actually complained about not having friends or is he ok with it? If he has a bit of a moan about being lonely, I think it will be a good opener for you to say something about his off-putting behaviour. Good Luck
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#5
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
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#6
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
If that were me,I think I would rather have the feedback,maybe he doesn't realise that he's acting that way and it might help him see what he's doing wrong. However,I think you might have the repercussions that some people just can't be helped because they're not ready to be helped and would see it as just criticism.
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#7
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Re: A friend who's company I don't enjoy
Nervous wreck and newbs that's probably the best approach. I will give the feedback as and when any of those things come up.
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gregarious introvert, that too sounds like a great way to approach it. Help him to see the advantages of behaving differently. The whole issue is not something that I should just confront him about, just mention each individual behaviour as and when it comes up. What I don't want to do is damage his confidence. |