Unloving parents

[Blumoon]

My mum doesn't seem to have a caring bone in her body...about me.
As if it's me she detests. She seems to be okay with other people, especially males.

She doesn't listen to a word i say as i'm sure i've said before, invalidating me all the time, probably did it as a kid to, as i remember her doing.
She didn't listen to me when she was in hosp either. When she was supposed to be ****ing listening to me, cos i was supposed to be important.

She's never actually listened to anyone, hence staying in a very abusive relationship,and practically ruining my childhood, but no offence to her, she just didn't see it (i hope)

I just cringe, i remember that time my neighbour said that 'my mum loves me unconditionally' i cringed. She doesn't. she doesn't love me at all and as a kid she only loved me if i was 'good' making out that i was bad, but didn't they all. Pah to that, doesn't seem to like me either, let alone love me. Blah.

Now she even speaks with such little emotion. Not that she actually showed any anyway, like she'd ever speak nicely to me let alone cuddle me.
She seems to be so disapponted in me, but she should be so proud, or am i the only stupid one that thinks i've done well or come far, oh yes cos sa or my problems don't actually exist to her.

She thinks everything i say is a lie, which it might as well be. I don't tell her how i feel anymore, cos there's no point, not like she'd care. Can't remember the last time i did.
If i can't matter to my own mother, who the hell can i matter to.

Soryy this was very moany and self pitying, i just realise, i can't have any kinda good relationship with anyone when i come to think about it, i mustn't have the ability.
example- even just in every day convo.
my mum-'i'll go out at 1 to get me in on time'
me-'it actually takes longer than that'
my mum-'i'll go out at 1'
right soooo why did i bother even telling her that !! jst for her own good. doesn't listen.
i shall be off.

[Superfred]

Originally Posted by Shawty

If i can't matter to my own mother, who the hell can i matter to.

Soryy this was very moany and self pitying, i just realise, i can't have any kinda good relationship with anyone when i come to think about it, i mustn't have the ability.

Your very first relationship in life is with your Parents. If they invalidate you, treat you with disrespect, accuse you of lieing and belittle you then you will grow thinking that this is the norm. That you do not deserve validation, respect or faith from other people; that your emotions and words are not important, your successes are insignificant and you just wern't born to be loved, by anyone.

The truth is, even without any physical contact and only online messaging, you matter to people on this site and your continuos struggle to work this all out and sort things out for yourself is courageous and shows a person with great strength in character. This may not be evident to everyone but it's evident to us. I just hope that you work through the problems you are having at home (which I know little of) and grow to be the person you wish to be.

[Mortigantoj]

^ this!

*hugs for Shawty* ...

[The_Fr33_Man]

Consider the fact that she loves you, but has psycological issues that stop her showing it. My mothers, dad and brother died when she was alive, as a result she has no sympathy for my or my anxiety, her attitude it "Get over it"

Most of the time there is justification for someones emotions or attitudes, i just thought my mum was a cow, but now i realise she's a reasonable cow.

[elvira34]

Shawty,I just want to give you a big hug and tell you that you are very clever,bright,beatiful person,I love your posts,and superfred is right you do matter to the people on this site,you come across as a strong person considering what you have gone through.

[blubs]

Hi Shawty,

Your mother is hurting you, & has done since you were little. Withholding affection, or constantly belittling a child does come under the legal terms for abuse, it is emotional/psychological abuse.

It's likely your mum has serious issues, maybe she was parented the same way & doesn't know how to parent, or maybe there is something else affecting her ability to mother you.

Don't think for a minute that because your mum is unable to love you, or unable to show you that love that you are in any way unlovable. My mum was/is very similar, cold, critical, needy of (especially male) attention. It took me a long time to learn that most people were nicer than her. The more you're able to trust people outside your immediate family, the more you'll learn that too. You got a rubbish deal having an unloving mother, but you've not done anything to deserve that & unfortunately she is unlikely to change & mother you, even though you need it. In fact you need it more than most because of the damage she's already done.

I don't have any daughters, but if you were mine I would give you a MASSIVE cuddle, & ask you to tell me all about yourself xxx