"Getting help"

gingercat · #1 15th March 2011, 21:33

Well, as I mentioned somewhere before, things got really bad over the weekend and I ended up saying more than I probably should have on Facebook about my problems... probably bad idea but I was too upset to care at the time. Anyway tonight I went to dance class, I knew there'd be people there that had read what I posted, but also knew that avoiding them and staying in wasn't going to do me any good long term... also felt guilty in case I'd worried people and didn't want to worry them even more by disappearing.

No-one mentioned it or seemed weird until I left at the end and one of my friends left at the same time so it was just the two of us. As soon as we were out of earshot of the others she said "James, you should get help". I tried to say I was already getting help but she seemed unconvinced and suggested I should look for self help groups or something in addition to my therapist.

Anyway it got me thinking. A lot of people seem to see "getting help" as being like some one-off event, like as soon as you make that decision that's you OK from then on, or at least on the road to recovery. Samaritans always seem to think like that as well... when I phone them they always end up asking if I've been to the doctor or talked to a therapist and when I tell them I've done both multiple times it's like they don't know what else to say. So I'm wondering now why the "help" hasn't helped me enough, and whether that means I'm a lost cause.

Also I know some people are of the opinion that it's possible to have too much therapy, and maybe that applies to me because I've been in and out of it for years... but what else can I do? If I'm still finding life unbearable quite often it's surely still better to be talking to someone than not.

So far my history of treatment is:

Age 18 - a few weeks of counselling from uni counsellor

Age 21 - went on anti-depressants (which I was then on for the next 5 years or so altogether). Another few weeks of counselling. Assessed by psychiatrist.

Age 22 - a few weeks of CBT

Age 23 - another few weeks of CBT when the effect from the first lot wore off

Age 24 - started seeing a Transactional Analysis therapist who I ended up going to for about 18 months altogether

Age 26 - a few sessions with work counsellor and a few weeks with private CBT therapist

Age 28 - went back to the TA therapist for another few months

Age 29 - went back on anti-depressants for a few months and started with new therapist who I've been seeing ever since (the old one retired)

Age 31 - started attending self-help group for depression

Is that "too much" therapy and I'd be better off going it alone now?

Does the fact I've had all this and still feel near-suicidal regularly mean I'm beyond help? Have I missed something else I should have been doing all this time? I don't understand any of it

gingercat · #2 16th March 2011, 13:05

Thanks h.e.g. Maybe you're right. To be honest I've always had my doubts that therapy was going to be the answer. I get much more comfort from talking to people at my support group or in "real life" than I do from my therapist, but that's something I've only really started doing quite recently so maybe I need to give it more of a chance.

On the other hand I do sometimes have realisations at therapy that can end up being helpful. And to be honest I feel like I've wasted the vast majority of my time in therapy. I may have been in and out of it for about a decade now, but up until about 2 years ago I wasn't getting much from it... wasn't opening up or talking about the real issues at all, just spending a lot of time going round in circles and never getting anywhere. So maybe it's not relevant to look at the absolute length of time... maybe I need to give it a proper chance now that I am opening up and getting something from it.

Blumoon · #3 16th March 2011, 13:25

Quote:

And to be honest I feel like I've wasted the vast majority of my time in therapy. I may have been in and out of it for about a decade now, but up until about 2 years ago I wasn't getting much from it... wasn't opening up or talking about the real issues at all, just spending a lot of time going round in circles and never getting anywhere.

Yes you should, you've got to be completely honest to get anything from these things, i kinda sugar coated my situation with the counsellor i had, but in some ways because of the fact i assumed it'd be too complex for her to work with(maybe actually patronised her a bit since she was just a youth counsellor and she'd not had much experience imo), but should've just spat out how i felt right away, not that i felt or recognised the way i felt at that time.

I also was told a lot that she assumed there was something 'big' that i wanted to tell her, but i'd said it all really, she undervalued what i'd told her a lot and portrayed my life as normal which i really didn't like. I wanted someone to undertstand that it wasn't.
She became a frustration-thing for my ranting about mental health services, and at one point suggested she'd give me help outside of counsellign time, which showed the nice person she was, but she was really no pro counsellor which i really did need.

I still remember well the first counselling i had at 14. It was helpful, anfd i guess like most times good to speak about things to someone, maybe i felt important.

Ajax Amsterdam · #4 16th March 2011, 15:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by gingercat

Thanks h.e.g. Maybe you're right. To be honest I've always had my doubts that therapy was going to be the answer. I get much more comfort from talking to people at my support group or in "real life" than I do from my therapist, but that's something I've only really started doing quite recently so maybe I need to give it more of a chance.

On the other hand I do sometimes have realisations at therapy that can end up being helpful. And to be honest I feel like I've wasted the vast majority of my time in therapy. I may have been in and out of it for about a decade now, but up until about 2 years ago I wasn't getting much from it... wasn't opening up or talking about the real issues at all, just spending a lot of time going round in circles and never getting anywhere. So maybe it's not relevant to look at the absolute length of time... maybe I need to give it a proper chance now that I am opening up and getting something from it.

Some interesting points there.

The thing about therapy is it is not the answer, but it can be part of the answer or an assist to you finding your own answer. It's not in itself, the answer. Sometimes people chase different therapists or therapeutic approaches hoping the next one will be the answer, but that is a bit like chasing rainbows. I'm not suggesting you have done this, in fact you state you always had your doubts that therapy would be the answer, but lots of people do think it is the answer, and that one course of counselling/therapy is all it will take.

I've always found counselling/therapy a help to me, but I still have my problems. I just deal with them better now. I think we have to do lots of different things that enrich our lives if we want to move forward. Therapy can be a part of that, but it will never be the whole picture.

You say that you've had realisations in therapy that have helped you. So therapy has proved useful. This is often what it's all about. A series of seemingly small revelations, realisations, understandings that help you move forward. These small things can be the building blocks of improvement.

The last point I highlighted is telling. In therapy a person can only work on what they bring to the sessions. So if a person does not, or cannot, open up and talk about what's really getting to them, it's difficult to see how real progress can be made.

I think it can be a case of not how much therapy you've actually had, but what you've actually done with that time in therapy. A person could skirt around their real issues for years in therapy, or they could work on it head-on right from session one. Something common in counselling is a client coming in with one presenting issue, then further down the line they reveal a totally different issue once they really trust you. Although the presenting issue was real, the one revealed later is often the real core issue, and working on that one can be when the real progress is made.

gingercat · #5 16th March 2011, 16:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawty

Yes you should, you've got to be completely honest to get anything from these things, i kinda sugar coated my situation with the counsellor i had, but in some ways because of the fact i assumed it'd be too complex for her to work with(maybe actually patronised her a bit since she was just a youth counsellor and she'd not had much experience imo), but should've just spat out how i felt right away, not that i felt or recognised the way i felt at that time.

I did this too... without really even meaning to I down-played how bad things were to the first several professionals I saw. I get really frustrated thinking about it now, but it's obvious why it happened, it's just the way things were done in my family... both my parents would bury their heads in the sand and act like if they pretended the problems weren't there, they'd go away... argh!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benfica

I think it can be a case of not how much therapy you've actually had, but what you've actually done with that time in therapy. A person could skirt around their real issues for years in therapy, or they could work on it head-on right from session one. Something common in counselling is a client coming in with one presenting issue, then further down the line they reveal a totally different issue once they really trust you. Although the presenting issue was real, the one revealed later is often the real core issue, and working on that one can be when the real progress is made.

I think all of that is true for me. I did skirt around the real issues for a long time but I feel like I'm finally facing them now, so maybe I need to consider that although I may have been in therapy a long time, I haven't actually been talking about the "right" things for very long and I should give it a chance now it feels like I am getting somewhere.

Also I feel like I've uncovered quite a few "deeper" issues over the last few months, like peeling away layers of an onion... if the real issue is underneath all of that, I guess the only thing to do is to keep peeling.

Thanks

Nadia A · #6 16th March 2011, 17:13

I know how you are feeling Gingercat. (just posted about how bad I feel at the moment) If you have had so much therapy and you have gotten stuff out of it surely then there is nothing wrong with that? I think anyway. At least you have had support all these years, I have no idea what the future holds for me.

Ajax Amsterdam · #7 16th March 2011, 18:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by gingercat

I think all of that is true for me. I did skirt around the real issues for a long time but I feel like I'm finally facing them now, so maybe I need to consider that although I may have been in therapy a long time, I haven't actually been talking about the "right" things for very long and I should give it a chance now it feels like I am getting somewhere.

Also I feel like I've uncovered quite a few "deeper" issues over the last few months, like peeling away layers of an onion... if the real issue is underneath all of that, I guess the only thing to do is to keep peeling.

Thanks

Ah, the old 'layers of the onion' scenario. I remember it well from my training days.

It's a very good way of looking at things. Quite often when we start peeling, we find the underlying causes lurking inside. Say for instance, some people present with self-harm issues. As we look a bit deeper (peel the onion) we start to see the underlying issues that drive the self-harming behaviour.

It's good to hear that you feel you are finally facing your issues.

And yes, maybe you are right in thinking that although you have racked up a number of therapy hours, the amount of time actually spent on the crucial issues may well be relatively minimal. You may well benefit from carrying on. I wouldn't get too hung up on how many hours you've had. Maybe it's just took you a while to realise that you need to be more open if you are to address your stuff more effectively. In itself, that revelation has come from your past experiences in therapy. So none of that experience has been genuinely wasted, because it's now helping you to focus more on what really matters.

I wish you all the best with it.