Weird feeling of unfulfilledness, anyone relate?

[Blumoon]

Well cut long story short, i have been depressed a long time and some would suggest i still am. in that time i've had periods where i did not leave the house for months at a time, and stayed in bed. i've probably been like that a good few months of time.
now i just feel unfulfilled. i have had periods where i've not been few montha last year, i felt great those months, and it did feel like a lot more happened because i was being social but obviosuly did not have the means/opportunity to keep it up, ie nobody likes me.

is the feeling cos i don't have much activity going on presently?

it scares me cos i dread to think that i'll always feel this unfulfilled. and that i've not done anything much, at least it doesn't feel like i've done anything much when i think back, although maybe i haven't for my age.

i currently only have a (very weak) relationship with my mum and go to college not that often to sit assessments. beside that i do not very much really. maybe go out socially (with my mum) say 2 times a mnth maybe. it's not really enough.

The last time i really had/made friends was at 12. and i'd say the best times were had when i was 11/12/13 i was a kid but they were good times, maybe i wish for that again. dunno. i was the most socially active i had ever been, and maybe it requires that for me to feel like i'm ..happy.
life was really the most stable it had ever been(despite not being, ykwim), and i still had my gran for that time.

First time i have really felt like this/or stopped to realise that i felt like this, can only assume that is the reason. I just want this feeling to go away:cry: very little i can do to make friends because of depression/personal reasons.

[Toxic]

i dont know how i feel atm..except an idiot

but yeah maybe i can relate..

i do have a couple of friends admittingly but they have all progressed and moved on and im sort of stuck where i am and its not enough...but i cant change it or i dont know how

before i got this job i only left the house to sign on..i now despise this job and dont want to go yet i know the alternative...i do occasionally go to the cinema with 1 friend but hes moved away now for a better job so thats that over

i dont remember being properly happy..it was probably when id just got with my ex before problems appeared..before then it was probably primary school..coz it certainly wasnt secondary/college

i dont even know if i want friends...i do..but i usually get used/walked over and never really know what im suppose to do..

im throwing my life away i think at the moment..and ive started my staying in bed all the time routine again due to making a bit of a tit of myself yesterday (or at least i think i did..)

i have no idea where im going with this i just feel crap at the moment and dont know where to turn..but yes i think i can relate

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Shawty

i have been depressed is the feeling cos i don't have much activity going on presently?

yes,... everything I've read,.. been told, and experienced, tells me that too,.. it's what I learned from CBT

Originally Posted by Shawty

i'd say the best times were when i was 11/12/13 they were good times, i was the most socially active i had ever been, and maybe it requires that for me to feel like i'm ..happy.

so,...Shawty,.. you've really already sussed out what it takes to make you happy,.. that's a big step, and a big realisation.
now you know what steps to take to feel better.