Difficult questions...

[Professor Willow]

I find myself in a bit of a self inflicted predicament :/
My mum is starting to ask questions, mainly about why I spend hours on the laptop secretly typing away (used to be more discreet with my tablet but that's now dead ) but also about my new found sense of adventure (if you can call a trip to Plymouth and a trip to Southampton adventurous)

Here I have two awkward bridges to cross,
1. How to explain SA and SAUK to her, although I'd rather not tell her the exact forum I use, I feel I need to tell her something in case she is worried I'm up to something dodgy.
I've never explained why I never go anywhere or do anything outside of work, she just assumes I'm lazy/boring and I don't think she would understand how SA affects me - she kept me at arms length when I went through a bad spell of depression three years ago, I think she struggles to deal with emotion?

2. I rather foolishly have lied about why I went to both Plymouth and Southampton
It's highly unusual for me to travel any further than Yeovil (about 15 miles away) so naturally she's curious about why I've suddenly made two 200 mile round trips in the space of two weeks.
I wish I had the courage to just be honest, I know I have no chance of being happy if I keep hiding who I am but everyone has become so used to me being the boring old fart that I am I think they would struggle to cope with the 'new' me.
I just wish I could be more confident in myself.
The gay me can still do all the 'manly' stuff I used to do but I feel that my family view gay men as slightly inferior maybe, and also I can imagine them saying 'oh that's why you're such a nervy and emotional person, you're gay'.

I can't help but feel that all this lying and suppressing myself is doing me no favours on the anxiety or depression front
Hopefully I will be going to Southampton pride on Sunday so now I either have to think up another lie or bite the bullet, tell the truth and then deal with the fall out.

If you have managed to read all that without falling in to a coma well done and if you have any words of advice they would be much appreciated.

Just for the record apart from you guys and girls on SAUK only 3 other humans know any of this irl.

[newbs16]

If I was you I would just be honest and say that you wanted to try and make some new friends and there is a meetup page, or you could say it's the meetup website and you've decided to attend some of the meets. I wouldn't lie about it because it's just going to make you more anxious and your mom will probably worry more about you.

I'm sure she would be interested in what you are doing, who you are talking to and just wants the best for you. Also about you being gay you tell her when you are ready don't feel forced in to telling your mom about that part of your life you have to do it in your own time.

Good luck with your adventures and enjoy pride

[umm]

Are you out to your family? If not, I suspect that might be the key to alot of this. Never having been in the "coming out" situation I can't imagine what it is like to consider but consider this: if you came out to your family, and if your mother is a bit emotionally distant, you can easily explain your actions and various comings and goings on gay-friendly events, Pride marches, coming out support websites and whatnot, things she may be able to sort of comprehend and explain things away with. It may also be handy for your SA too - just blame any anxiety, plus any untruths you may have told, on coming out worries until you are ready to tackle SA on its own (if indeed you ever need to). My impression (happy to be corrected) is that homosexuality is not as taboo as it was. It seems like every seventh person is gay, to me; about as unusual as red hair.

On top of that, I imagine - out gay saukers, please jump in here - coming out might actually lessen the stress and anxiety in the long run? It's a big leap of faith, though, I get that, but rest assured that even if your family are not supportive - and who knows, they may surprise you - millions of people worldside are, and they are accessible over the net if not near you physically.

Lastly, if you are worried about your family "struggling to cope with the new you", well, they can sweat a bit. You've struggled enough - let them do some heavy lifting! You will do just fine. Good luck

[BabyBoyBelcher]

Hey, just wanted to share my experience in case it's of any help to you...

I recently came out to my family (I'm 28) and despite going through every negative outcome possible (thanks anxiety! ) my family reacted really positively and it hasn't been an issue at all. I told my brother first as he's probably the person I'm closest to, do you have anyone in your family that you're particularly close to? If so, maybe tell them first and they can support you when you tell the rest.

Do you talk about it with the people who do know? Maybe you could tell them how much you're worrying about it and they could also help you, maybe in a more practical way if things don't go the way you hope?