SAUK Discussion Board

Go Back   SAUK Discussion Board > Social Anxiety Discussions > The Social Anxiety Room
Join! Blogs FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Notices

Reply  Post New Thread
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 17th September 2019, 13:34
Aimz Aimz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 37
Default Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

I have been in my current job for just over 4 years now (the longest I've been at a job for). For the most part, I like my team and colleagues, and the role is Ok, just not in the industry I want to work in. I started in a different team, then moved to this team 2 years ago. I started out full time initially but my mental health took a turn for the worst and I agreed with my manager to turn the role into a job share so I only have to do part time hours now, which has helped. It has also given me time to study (I did a course in health and nutrition) and I want to start a blog based on health and fitness with a view to doing vlogs etc once I build up my confidence. So ultimately this job isn't what I want to be doing long term. However, my job share person only started a few months ago (and he works part time like me) and I have noticed things like him getting ccd into our team emails and me being missed out so my colleagues have to forward it to me. I just find this really insulting and demeaning considering I have been in this dept 2 years and he's only been there 5 minutes. Today pushed me over the edge as I saw he got nominated for some colleague award (a lot of people did) but I didn't get nominated. I did feel better when I saw that a couple other people in our team didn't either, but they were also newer.
I have also had instances where people I have emailed back and forth and resolved issues for etc have actually not known who I am when meeting face to face! One guy actually asked me who I was when I told him he was due to attend training! I just found it insulting. He also left the company and went round saying bye to everyone in the team and completely bypassed me. It just makes me feel, what's the point?! There are people who have only been here 5 mins and they get recognition!
I feel that if you aren't an overly loud, in your face type person then you just get bypassed!
Has anyone seen that episode of friends where pheobe has to talk that salesman out of suicide and when she visits his office she asks for him and the receptionist doesn't know who he is and he's like "I'M RIGHT HEEEERE!!!" Ok....thats an extreme comparison but it feels a little like that sometimes.
On the plus, I was personally thanked recently for an event I helped with but it just feels that because I'm not a loud social and cliquey person at work that I don't get wider recognition. As I do a lot of the "donkey work" I keep all the important things running and feel the new person tries to get involved in other things and ignores the basic elements and then gets more recognition. Rant over!
Anyone else feel the same way at work as a quieter more anxious person?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 18th September 2019, 13:17
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Strathclyde
Posts: 5,755

Mood
Tired

Default Re: Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

I might be a bit odd in that I actually feel okay about being ignored,

what's the big prize at the end of the day anyway?.. I still get paid just the same,

I certainly do get ignored and have been passed over for promotion,
I just think to myself "give 'em enough rope"..
let these people jump in and try and impress,. if they really are good, fair enough,
if they're winging it,. they'll crash hard and I might have a chuckle to myself when that happens?

some people are arse lickers and some aren't, that's the way I look at it,
if someone wants to demean themselves by brown-nosing the bosses,. leave them to it.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 18th September 2019, 13:49
MoonBear MoonBear is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 22
Default Re: Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

Hi Aimz,

I can really relate to both feeling like I don't receive the recognition around the work place for the effort I put in and that situation where you notice newer employees quickly surpassing you in social standing.

Before I fall asleep is when I feel like I do my best thinking and I was actually going over this subject last night. At the risk of sounding like a complete misanthropist, I believe it is mass ignorance of mental health and peoples general unwillingness to make a selfless effort to understand someone.

I know I work hard and I generally make a very good first impression, but after a short period I slide back in to my shell. I become quiet and appear uninterested in things, when really I’m just trying to focus on my work, because that’s what I’m supposed to be doing right? That’s when people start to make judgements.

I recently listened to Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” audio book, I’d heard it is some kind of seminal work. The theme running through the whole book is about social interaction and how learning how to genuinely get on with people is far more important than actual skill to do a job, I’m sure you have heard that phrase “Its not what you know, but who you know”.

I don’t mean to sound preachy, I’ve only recently realised I actually have mental illness. I’m starting to investigate CBT, would be interested to hear people’s opinions, but that’s another topic.

Not sure if I’ve said anything helpful, but I totally understand where you are coming from. In conclusion: to be appreciated, we need to learn how to make “noise” and preferably enthusiastically

You sound like an intelligent, capable person, have you thought about changing job? Like a fresh start, new experiences and new people etc?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 18th September 2019, 15:02
Aimz Aimz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 37
Default Re: Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

Hi Melangell,

Thank you for your response. I honestly appreciate everyone's view points and opinions on here regardless of personal situations

And I also struggle just coping on some days too when the anxiety and depression are particularly bad. I sometimes feel, as they say, "surviving not thriving!" But I think as I have now been at this place for over 4 years it has made me reflect more on the recognition thing. But thank you for your kind words

I get what you are saying about ensuring you do your job and work hard etc..I think in some ways I am too conscientious sometimes and that I need to give less of a *** in some areas to be honest. And it does seem that the loud "cliquey" people get more recognition/praise etc....But I am just not a cliquey person, in fact, I hate all that stuff. I have various people that I will stop and chat to at work, but I don't go and sit with people for lunch etc I go off and do my own thing at lunch and go out to get some fresh air etc...but that's just me, it's not because I'm not friendly. But I do like to keep my work and private life separate - I can't stand people who come in and tell people intimate details about their lives, only to then fall out with the person they told, then that person is suddenly gossiping about them etc...I can't be bothered with all that - so yes I suppose it comes back to not being a loud, overly chatty, cliquey person.

It's interesting you bring up the assertiveness training, as my careers advisor actually sent me some materials/quizzes to complete about being more assertive. She also asked me to put into practice some "real life" assertiveness. So I did actually use a one to one with my manager and brought up an issue where I felt I was being dumped with some really menial tasks from higher management, which didn't really fall under my remit, just purely because people know I "just get on with it" etc......
It is difficult striking that balance between being really helpful, and then being a doormat!

I'm sorry to hear about your new colleague taking credit for the work you have done. I can completely relate to that! I think more so lately, I have actually made a point of completing a task that was originally emailed to a colleague who then delegated the task to me, and replying in the email thread to the person who asked for it to say something along the lines of "I have completed this for you" etc....I don't mean it to seem petty, but I do think it's unfair if the person who was originally asked delegates it to you, then they get thanked for it! Although, in defense of my immediate colleagues, they are normally really good and even email to say thanks to me for doing it, and cc the person in who asked etc....but we also have a group email that I pretty much manage and respond to and I always sign off with my name so they know it was me who replied and dealt with it.

And yes, there are just a lot of attention-seekers out there, and i'm the opposite. Maybe it's because I shy away from attention that I don't get recognized or included as much, but I refuse to be someone i'm not and put on a "fake" loud, overly-confident act.
I think people like us are recognized, but just not initially and in such a public way I suppose! But we work hard behind the scenes and I think that if we left, a lot of the important elements of the job role would crumble......that's what I like to think anyway!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 18th September 2019, 15:08
Aimz Aimz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 37
Default Re: Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

Hi Mr Nobody,

Thank you for your response, and I do get what you're saying. I think when I posted this I was a little annoyed, but I have since reflected on it a bit more and seen it in a different way. But it does still annoy me a little when I think about it too much....but that's my anxiety and over-thinking!
I think I would feel more passionate if I was in a role/industry more geared towards what I actually want to do, then I would have more reason to want more recognition/promotion etc...

The last sentence - 100% - I cannot stand brown nosers! And I did notice that my colleague today when they arrived seemed to be doing that just a little bit. I mean, I am very friendly and polite with my colleagues and others, but in a more low-key way, where as they have to tell everyone around them what they have been up to and announce rather loudly that they are there when they arrive at the workplace!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 18th September 2019, 15:26
Aimz Aimz is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 37
Default Re: Hardly any recognition at work and newer colleague getting more recognition

Hi MoonBear,

Thanks for your reply.

It's so nice to hear other people relating to how I feel about this, and it's nice to know I am not alone in this!

It's even more difficult in such a big workplace as it's like a revolving door of people coming and going, and I am sometimes baffled how when someone is very new but instantly confident, and chatty, and going over to chat to people in different departments etc...I've been there 4 years and sometimes I get really anxious if I have to physically go over to another department to speak to someone and try to get out of it by emailing or phoning instead.

I agree whole-heartedly! Although - ironically, our place is constantly raising awareness of mental health in the workplace and promoting support services etc....in fact, we are supporting something currently around this, and I got brave and decided to submit my personal story of mental health at work, I just haven't decided whether I want to be even braver and put my name to it, or leave it anonymous yet!

I agree! I do like to get my work done and sometimes get annoyed when people around me are constantly talking about their personal lives rather loudly. It's fine to have a more light hearted chat whilst working, but I am quite a task-focused person.

Yes, I have heard all about the "How to win friends and influence people" I might have to listen to this just out of curiosity, but yes, it seems that some people just get to where they are because they are popular and a "people person" but that's just not me! Although to a certain extent I agree with "fake it till you make it" in some aspects. But it would have to be something I really wanted in life for me to have the energy to be able to "fake it"

You don't sound preachy at all! I think I have had mental health issues for a long long time, even going back to pre-teen years! It's only over the last 4-5 years that I have actually "investigated" it really. I was put on several anti depressants since 2015 and I have settled on some that I have been on for the last couple of years. I did get a one to one with a counsellor at my gp surgery, which I mentioned in my original post, who then referred me to a careers advisor, and she has since suggested I go back to the counsellor re my anxiety etc...but I have been referred several times for CBT, but I have never followed it through. I don't know why, but I have always put it off, even though I have heard some great things about it. My careers advisor also sent me some material regarding anxiety and how to deal with it which I think I am going to revisit!

You have been very helpful

Thank you for your kind comments in your last sentence. I have considered this on and off over the years, but I need to motivate myself and be more pro-active in finding a different job/environment. Tbh, I would ideally like to start over again in a completely different career, but that involves study, which means time and money etc......at the moment I intend to have a "side hustle" and see where that leads and if it takes me into a new direction and into a situation where I could financially leave the current job.
It's like that episode of friends where Chandler tells Rachel to quit and get "The fear!"....."Then why didn't you?" "Because i'm TOO afraid!!"
I think I am stuck ion my comfort zone and I need to start doing things that make me "uncomfortable" in order to progress!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 20:04.


SAUK Award
Logo designed by abc
Powered by vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.