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  #91  
Old 16th January 2011, 02:28
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

cucumbers make excellent natural candles.
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  #92  
Old 16th January 2011, 09:13
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Paul McCartney (Sir Paul to you) had Michael Jackson killed when a bidding war for the Beatles' royalties turned nasty. And John Lennon, he did for him and all, the spoon-faced Scouse tosspot.
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  #93  
Old 16th January 2011, 14:54
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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The queen sent me a message on pof requesting..
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  #94  
Old 16th January 2011, 18:12
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

After work I am going to knock over a pot plant and jump on it.
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  #95  
Old 16th January 2011, 18:31
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

At 11am on the 11th of the 11th this year ('11), there will be a total eclipse of all the planets, moons, suns, stars and everything. It's a 1 in 7.6 gahamalamajozillion event when all the heavenly bodies will be in perfect alignment for 11 minutes and 11 seconds. You won't see anything though, just total blankness.
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  #96  
Old 18th January 2011, 10:32
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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^ I'll have to make a note in my diary! Just have done and I'm going to go to 11th Street, Philadelphia where it's said there will be the best view of this historical astronomical phenomenon.
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  #97  
Old 18th January 2011, 20:51
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

KITT kindly dropped me off at work this morning.
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  #98  
Old 18th January 2011, 22:50
xTKsaucex xTKsaucex is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

My incredible witch like psychic abilities once predicted the rise of jesus christ, and that was 5 years ago.
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  #99  
Old 19th January 2011, 14:08
Mr. Spaceman Mr. Spaceman is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

The SAUK Discussion "Board" is so-called because it was originally just that - a section of chipboard erected in Birmingham city centre in 1978, that people could come and stick post-it notes on detailing their social anxiety related issues. Thankfully, technology has come a long way since then!
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  #100  
Old 20th January 2011, 11:06
Admiral Fool Admiral Fool is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Janet Street Porter fantasizes about having sex with you.
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  #101  
Old 20th January 2011, 13:46
Admiral Fool Admiral Fool is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

she's doing it right now.
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  #102  
Old 20th January 2011, 14:00
Admiral Fool Admiral Fool is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Jeremy Clarkson is watching in the background wearing only a thong.
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  #103  
Old 20th January 2011, 14:57
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Admiral Fool
Jeremy Clarkson is watching in the background wearing only a thong.

i thought we were supposed to be lying? we both know this is true >.<
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  #104  
Old 20th January 2011, 15:00
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

i'm on the telly just now giving an interview to the reporting scotland news team.


there was a big queue waiting at the bus stop outside the chippy, and i noticed a minigun resting against the wall. so i strafed everyone, and then went into the barbers, asked for an emo dye job, and then killed them all too.


i've been getting on well really well with the female news reporter - she's just fixing her make up and then we're going to the chippy. i said i'd pay
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  #105  
Old 20th January 2011, 17:03
Effervescing Elephant Effervescing Elephant is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Angelina (***8220;The Ballerina***8221;) Jolie has become quite wealthy of late, what with her acting career and paper round, and she has used some of the extra cash to have extra toes surgically fitted to each foot. The new toes face backwards and allow Angelina to perch securely on branches while she roosts, keeping her safe from ground based predators like tigers, badgers and very large mice. Unfortunately this leaves her exposed to sh*t-faced arboreal irritants such as marmosets and Adrian Chiles - even with Angelina's money you can't buy happiness!
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  #106  
Old 20th January 2011, 19:51
SoulSeeker SoulSeeker is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

13 inches.
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  #107  
Old 20th January 2011, 20:52
Sea Sea is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^ I can't tell if you are a fan of his or not. Lol.
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  #108  
Old 20th January 2011, 22:30
Mr_Bean Mr_Bean is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I didn't call my printer a moron.
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  #109  
Old 20th January 2011, 22:46
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

The popular fairground ride, 'the waltzer', was invented by Corsican mobster Tony, 'The Waltzer' Cordini.
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  #110  
Old 21st January 2011, 19:52
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Lego was originally designed as a plastic explosive, aimed at the terrorist market. Its USP was its interlocking pieces which would allow bombers to create an explosion of exactly the required sized but unfortunately, or fortunately as it turned out, the plastic was not the exploding kind and the manufacturers were left with a useless pile of interlocking bricks until a lowly lab technicician, Heyubitczh Legominob, hit on the idea of marketing the bricks as a children's toy.
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  #111  
Old 22nd January 2011, 00:57
schneebeli schneebeli is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Sky Three has been showing the same episode of 'Road Wars' non-stop for two years.

(actually that might not be a lie)
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  #112  
Old 24th January 2011, 01:03
Oatmeal Oatmeal is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Nick Griffin revealed in an interview that the most played track on his ipod is "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" from Avenue Q. He also has a selection of trojan records which he insists is "only the original skinhead stuff".
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  #113  
Old 24th January 2011, 19:26
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I am an MP in the Monster Raving Loony Party. Soon you will all be travelling to work by pumpkin coach.
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  #114  
Old 25th January 2011, 19:03
ladyredcap ladyredcap is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

I've managed to gnaw through the ropes, climb out of the pit and get to the computer he keeps in the basement. His internet history is filled with disgusting sites and strangely there is also a link to lolcats. I haven't eaten in three days. He kept dousing me with the hose over and over, threatening to do it again unless I put the lotion on my skin. I told him I needed to get back to my job teaching kindergarten when really I was an undercover cop looking for a criminal's ex wife and son.

He told me he was dangerous, that he'd been in cryo prison and was freed early and then went on a bloody rampage trying to kill his arch enemy who was a cop. The cop killed him but he didn't die. In fact he was reincarnated into a cat and taken aboard a spaceship which was infiltrated by bloodthirsty aliens and he and a lady were the only survivors.

I said I didn't believe him, but he laughed and said that soon the machines would take over the earth so he needed my skin to make a mask so he could massacre teenagers in texas. Then he left, saying he was a part-time henchman and a guy named Hans had a job for him in LA.

That was two days ago...I think i'm gonna make a break for it.

p.s. yes, I was kidnapped by a talking cat.
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  #115  
Old 26th January 2011, 23:33
fife_girl fife_girl is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

im a millionaire...have a kick ass job and dont have SA....im only on here for s***s n giggles hahaha :D
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  #116  
Old 27th January 2011, 19:00
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Tomorrow I am appearing on the Jeremy Kyle Show having a heated row with my mum and my sister. Lots of my expletives are bleeped out. The security staff had to restrain me from thumping my mum at one point.
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  #117  
Old 27th January 2011, 22:18
Effervescing Elephant Effervescing Elephant is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

On one special day every year the law of gravity is revoked in Belgium in honour of one of that country's greatest sons, the philanthropist, philosopher and keen amateur daschund shaver Elbo Duckparts.

On May the 53rd patriotic Belgians waft gently through the upper atmosphere, drinking Schadenfreude cocktails and dressed in the frowsy bathing cap and lurid porcelain thigh-guards of the traditional medieval cretin.

You will no doubt remember Elbo Duckparts from school history lessons. He was awarded the coveted Jean de Florette medal in the first world war for camping it up whilst under enemy fire and went on to found the first nursing home for homeless and bewildered furniture. Duckparts worked tirelessly in this institution until his death in 1975, despite losing a nipple during an encounter with a rogue coffee table.
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  #118  
Old 28th January 2011, 11:42
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Quote:
Originally Posted by Winnie57
Tomorrow I am appearing on the Jeremy Kyle Show having a heated row with my mum and my sister. Lots of my expletives are bleeped out. The security staff had to restrain me from thumping my mum at one point.

i was one of the security guys you wacked the other day. nice left hook
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  #119  
Old 30th January 2011, 18:59
Winnie57 Winnie57 is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

^

I am knitting a twin set for my cat, Merlin
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  #120  
Old 2nd February 2011, 21:14
-Simon- -Simon- is offline
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Default Re: tell lies

Jason Orange is allergic to oranges.
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