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  #1  
Old 17th September 2019, 11:31
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Join Date: May 2018
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Default Why can't I learn social skills?

I don't seem able to pick it up, despite being surrounded by lots of people on a daily basis. It never sinks in. Like most things I try despite repeated practice I never seem to improve. I seem to have serious difficulty learning things.

It's not anxiety holding me back, that's a cop out. I feel like this is any situation even when I'm feeling confident and relaxed. In fact confident and relaxed is when I'm at my cringeworthy worst.

I feel quite hurt when people say I just need to be more positive and make more effort. I humiliate myself on a daily basis but still keep going. That to me is a positive attitude.

I don't really have any desire to make friends or anything like that anymore, all I want to do is stop embarrasing myself all the time through my weird, awkward and socially unacceptable behaviour. The problem I have is that I don't even know when I'm doing it. I seem to completely lack any sort of self awareness. I know thay I'm doing it wrong but I don't know why.

I just don't seem to know how to live. My ambition is to get on with the rest of my life in peace. If I can progress to a stage where I no longer humiliate myself and just blend into the background I'll be happy.
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  #2  
Old 17th September 2019, 11:42
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

My social skills have been described as 'very poor'. Pinning down anything more than a vague description of what social skills means is a task and a half . I've never had help for it .
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  #3  
Old 17th September 2019, 12:23
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

"Social skills" does seem be quite a vague term, and lots of people behave in ways which seem normal to them but very unusual to others, but regardless of that the way I behave definitely needs improvement. I know everyone has their own little quirks but I can't keep ignoring the fact that I keep humiliating myself and alienating people.
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Old 17th September 2019, 12:59
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

What kind of things is it that you keep doing "wrong"?
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  #5  
Old 17th September 2019, 23:21
Sunrise Sunrise is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

I don't know. It's not really specific things. I'm just not the sort of person people warm too. I don't exactly have a cheerful and bubbly personality. I'm not a complete arsehole, it's just that mixing cynical sarcasm with genuine mental illness probably isn't a very good combination.

I don't know what I think really. Maybe I do have social skills but I'm just very impatient.
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  #6  
Old 19th September 2019, 22:48
Kipper Kipper is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

Many years ago I attended a Social Skills course run by our local health authority and I actually found it quite helpful. We met about once a week late afternoon/ early evening time and each session lasted about an hour. Some aspects of it were quite excruciating , such as having ourselves videoed when in conversation with one another, but on the whole it was all worthwhile. I even made a friendship which lasted for more than 30 years and only came to an when my friend passed away.
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  #7  
Old 25th September 2019, 15:17
Batman1973 Batman1973 is offline
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Default Re: Why can't I learn social skills?

Hi, Sunrise I think I'm very similar to you, I constantly seem to put my foot in my mouth and the strange thing is almost as soon as I've said it I think to myself, why did you say that, you know look like an arrogant **** or whatever. It almost feels like a subtle version of tourettes. It's as if I know social skills, it's that I can't seem to stick with them all the time, but sometimes I can get it just right.

Firemonkey, I think social skills/etiquette is a cross between politeness, good manners and political correctness. It does seem to be it's own language though, saying "how are you" at the start of a chat always seems such an empty gesture but it's the standard accepted greeting by most people. It's like a generally accepted convention that we all need to follow to be acceptable.

Kipper, that course sounds like a really good idea, as nerve wracking as that sounds, it's probably great to do, I'm going to look to see if my local authority does it.
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