How much do you look at others?

[Sphinx]

This is something I really struggle with and I haven't always realised, weirdly.

I'm not talking about when you're in a conversation with someone but when you're just walking around doing stuff.

Like, when I'm in a shop, at a bus stop, or doing my art class for example, I'll walk around looking down avoiding eye contact so no-one will talk to me.

Thing is I don't know how normal that is, how much other people look at each other?

I think it makes me look a bit aloof and closed off, it's something I really want to work on, it feels like I've got this barrier in front of me and I don't know how to engage with people. I'll kind of furtively look around and then just keep my head down.

I'd be interested to hear if anyone else does this, or how much people tend to look at others?

[Chess&Junkfood]

I can certainly relate to avoiding eye contact on a bus. I've just realised that you mentioned a bus stop, but at least I can still relate to the bus part Or to be more specific, when you are sitting directly opposite someone on a bus. The dreaded side bus seat is what I call it. Well actually I***8217;ve only just decided to call it that, but I***8217;m sure I thought about calling it that previously. But anyway, enough rambling from me, let***8217;s get to the main point of my thoughts on this subject. Now I think it***8217;s perfectly normal to avoid a staring contest with a fellow human being. Ostriches on the other hand, now that***8217;s a different matter. But let's not get distracted by Ostriches. Now when it comes to being in a shop, I***8217;m usually fairly focused on the task at hand. Like for example, if there is a sale on chocolate, you can guarantee that my eyes will be entirely focused on the reduction labels. As for avoiding eye contact in an art class, I can***8217;t really comment on that myself, as I***8217;ve never attended an art class. But I think I would probably apply the same logic as I do with shopping for chocolate. Unless of course it***8217;s a nude modelling art class, then I would probably gaze towards something that didn***8217;t project at me. As for being able to engage more easily with people around me, that is something I***8217;m still working on. It probably involves liking yourself more and also liking yourself more after that. To the point where you feel like people around you should feel honoured in directing their gaze towards you. Although liking yourself that much is probably too much as well. So I think getting a balance on liking yourself is the key I think. And if you only take one thing away from what I've already mentioned, it is to embrace staring at an Ostrich. Ideally at a safe distance.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

I don't look at people enough, and I'm very unobservant. For instance, unless someone is either completely clean shaven or has a full on Gandalf beard I can struggle to remember if they have facial hair or not. God forbid I ever witness a crime!

I do the 'head down, avoid eye contact, disassociate' thing too, which probably plays a part in it. And I guess a lot of the energy / attention I could be paying to other people is burned up by being anxious. With the few people I'm relaxed around I tend to look at them and notice things about their appearance more, though even then I don't think faces are ever going to be my strong point.

[Daniel1984]

Yes im head down get to point a to b avoiding as many people as i can, ill climb walls and fences, walk along busy highways just to avoid ppl lol.

However i do people watch from afar sometimes. Its interesting to see how easily most humans interact with each other.

[Sphinx]

Some interesting replies thanks, I thought people here might relate.

Change87 - I'm a "super recogniser" too, I'll spot acquaintances and usually ignore them as I'll agonise over whether I think they will recognise me, I don't want to look stupid by saying Hi, and them thinking who are you?

I hate going into small shops for example as I can't be invisible and have to say hi going in. Sums it up really, I want to be invisible.

Kafkafan, I really struggle with dissociation too, I find it hard to know what's going on around me. I won't know if someone is actually talking to me as I'm not looking.

I don't know what the answer to it is, when I get anxious I kind of go into escape mode.. get tunnel vision. Maybe mindfulness could help.

[Kevin Hodge]

looking at people used to distress me back when i worked on checkouts. bunch of mingers the lot of you

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Kevin Hodge

looking at people used to distress me back when i worked on checkouts. bunch of mingers the lot of you

reminds me of that site "people of wallmart"

[Kevin Hodge]

i suppose on the whole i get some prime cattle on my ranch but even if 1 in 10 is destined for the spam yard its still enough to turn the stomach

i definitely had one of these walmart people the other week, it was this really drunk middle-aged lady who seemed to think she was entitled to a free swap for her top which she had poured wine all over, and she also wanted a new pair of trousers because she'd pissed herself. she was waving around a fabric care label she had taken from another garment, saying that was her proof that the trousers were from this store...ugh


if i found myself intoxicated and soaked with urine, my instinct would be to flee homewards straight away. but for her, being covered in piss and spilled alcohol was something she could use as leverage to get free clothes! i'm sure this is why i struggle to get on in life, i just don't have that killer instinct

[Kevin Hodge]

^ the process of typing out that anecdote sparked off all sorts of memories of dumb drunken stuff ive seen x,D my personal record for shameful drunken behaviour is probably just falling asleep in front of the telly


as much as she was annoying, hopefully it was just a blip. maybe the dr started her on some horrible medication recently and this was her first glass of wine on the meds, figuring out that booze is no longer an option? ive heard plenty of those stories

back in the day when i had just started on an anti-depressant, i was on holiday, having a big meal at a chinese restaurant...even at that, as soon as i'd drank half of a vodka and coke i was like "shit i need to get back to the apartment"...walked straight back and fell asleep on the couch straight away, fully dressed with my shoes and everything still on. anti depressants are the fcking worst

[Mr. Nobody]

sometimes I withdraw my gaze from people,
what you see can affect you, it can change your day or change how you feel, both good and bad,
so, if someone just annoys you or you find someone a bit toxic, averting your gaze could be beneficial,
some people also kind of expect or feel entitled to your attention, I'd also withdraw my gaze for those types,
I think it's a choice we have, we can choose what to lay our eyes on, or not.

it can be liberating though, just to see people as they are,
someone might provoke fear in you, or you might give them some imagined power over you,
you might feel someone is above you or better than you, and it can be fun to look into their eyes and see that they're actually a bit phucked up, and not really worthy of your attention or consideration... that can be quite liberating.

[limey123]

^ I once crashed my car into a car in front because I was looking at a woman in a miniskirt...

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by Sphinx

when I get anxious I kind of go into escape mode.. get tunnel vision

Yep..!! That sums it up for me

[Emmapixie]

I have always looked down when walking, it's one of the things i have to do to control my anxiety, i hate when i have to look at people as im a paranoid person and always feel im making a strange face if i look at someone lol earlier on there was workmen digging the pavements and i had to look at them in order to walk past and i thought i was going to suffocate with the anxiety

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