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Old 25th November 2020, 13:09
hellotiger hellotiger is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 5,150
Default Letting Things Go On For Too Long Aka Huge Avoidance Issues

This is one of the worst anxiety problems for me. Feeling too awkward to say anything and letting situations go on without addressing them.
Avoidance is a massive part of my anxiety as I’m sure it is for many.

For me it varies from the small to the large things. An example being, that in this household they put all the laundry on a spin cycle after its had a standard wash to try and get as much water out as possible, which is fine but sometimes I’ve done some laundry with cashmere items in and then someone will come along thinking they are being helpful and put it on a rapid spin and damage the items. I feel too awkward to let them know I don’t want them to do it and thus it goes on with my cashmere getting smaller and smaller. It’s dumb because I know that no one would take offence if I said not to do it, they’d understand and all I can think is that I’m avoiding it because I don’t want them to feel bad that they’ve been doing something to help that’s actually been bothering me.
Anywho that’s a very small example of an overall picture of avoidance. It can go to the quite extreme end of knowing that someone is doing something immoral or illegal and refusing to address it. That for me is avoiding the inevitable confrontation. No matter how much I rationalise with myself that not addressing a situation will make things worse, it will make it more awkward to deal with later and increase the harm done, I will not get out of this cycle.

Any tips for giving yourself a kick up the bum and dealing with things you don’t want to deal with? Or anyone else out there stuck in this cycle of hiding?
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Old 25th November 2020, 17:25
choirgirl choirgirl is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Toryshire/Bizarroworld
Posts: 1,118
Default Re: Letting Things Go On For Too Long Aka Huge Avoidance Issues

Yes, I have the same avoidance problem with many things, many important things; it has reached absurd levels. I wouldn't let someone ruin my cashmere though; I handwash and dry flat. That would be a step too far. I have been avoiding selling stuff on ebay though, as an alternative small example.
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Old 25th November 2020, 18:40
anxiouslondoner anxiouslondoner is offline
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pandaemonium, SE27
Posts: 4,800
Default Re: Letting Things Go On For Too Long Aka Huge Avoidance Issues

Have you tried leaving a post-it note on the washing machine saying "Cashmere; don't spin"? You can always say it's a reminder to yourself if you are worried about how it might come across.

Apologies if you have or if your avoidance stops you from doing this, it's different for everyone I think.
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