I've messed up and lost all hope

Polygon · #1 1st April 2013, 16:43

.

hellotiger · #2 1st April 2013, 16:52

The way I see it, if you were in a shop and the person serving you got flustered and upset, would you think that they were stupid? Would you think badly of them? I know I wouldn't, I might imagine that they are just going through a hard time.
Maybe you could work in the back again until you felt ready to go out on to the shop front again. I used to manage charity shops and I never had a problem with people doing this.

syncsolo · #3 1st April 2013, 16:58

Please stop thinking about it, you did well but then it got too much and it's not your fault you got like that.
I'm in my 30s and have worked before, but I can't see how I'd be able handle a job like that serving customers and would freeze and get in a state I think!
Give it a week or so and see if you'd be ready to try again maybe, it's a big blow but you're not worthless. The customers probably assumed you had' had some bad news and that's why you acted like you did. Please don't feel stupid, having severe anxiety issues isn't your fault.

You tried, but it was too soon to leave you in that position alone, please try to stop dwelling on it or you'll make yourself feel even worse.

Rick Sanchez · #4 1st April 2013, 17:01

I remember when I was volunteering in the gift shop at the animal shelter when I had a similar experience. I totally cocked up on the till when I was left alone to it and I started blushing badly and stalling. Eventually a worker came and helped me out. I felt like the biggest loser ever and went out the back and hid for about half an hour. I eventually gained some confidence with it but it happened again and I totally lost it. I literally walked out the shop and walked around the shelter for a while before calling my dad to pick me up. I never went back after that.

I ended up volunteering elsewhere and gained confidence that way and now, over two years later, I'm in full-time employment doing stuff I'd never have dreamt possible. Confidence can be built up. People change. Give it another go - if not there, then somewhere else

anxiouslondoner · #5 1st April 2013, 17:05

Aw, please don't give up. You were doing fine up until then. Everyone makes mistakes, especially if it's something they are not used to. You just need to learn from them and not let them defeat you. I know it's a lot easier said than done; I'm much the same. I had a driving lesson today. After I failed miserably to parallel park my brain went into panic mode and I started doing stupid things. But it will get easier with time and practice. You need to be kinder with yourself and allow yourself to get things wrong from time to time, and not hate yourself for them.
You've taken a big step, you should feel proud of yourself. Don't throw it all away for a small stumble.

Marzipen · #6 1st April 2013, 17:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mousey

I've been working there out the back once a week for a few months now and absolutely love it.

Mousey don't despair, don't expect massive changes too soon, you were only in the foothills of the mountain, so the set back is small and you'll win out in the end. Focus on how you were loving it before. I think you might be more suited to a job or voluntary work without a relentless stream of face-to-face customers? There's a whole world of work and jobs out there without face-to-face customer interaction dominant or even involved at all.

Rick Sanchez · #7 1st April 2013, 17:24

Yeah, get back out there, mousey. If someone as f-cked up as I used to be can overcome that shit and end up in employment, anyone can. There's LOADS of voluntary opportunities out there and you can and will gain confidence if you persist.

Pablo Huntsbach · #8 1st April 2013, 17:24

You've got nothing to be ashamed of. You pushed yourself and you made a couple of mistakes, it can happen to anyone. It might be a little bit embarrassing from your perspective but you explained to the manager about your anxiety so I bet they completely understood. I think you should call in to the shop at some point, maybe apologise (although it might not be needed) and let them know you'd still like to help any way you can but, for now, serving customers on your own when it's busy is too much.

Ermm... Yeh? · #9 1st April 2013, 17:55

I often hear this kind of thinking in relation to people who are trying to break habit/addictions - if you just bear through the analogy:

When people try to quit they go from doing said thing everyday, for example, to not doing it for let's say 2 weeks. The pressure gets too much and they relapse. Then they often get into thinking they're back where they started but they miss the key point, that they've from averaging 7 times a week to half a time a week, or slightly more but it is a process.

So how does this fit in with your situation, well it's the same thing reflected, doing something you don't want to as few times changed to doing something you do want to do as many times as applicable. You've gone from never doing something to having had done it once. It doesn't matter that you 'failed' because you're now at a new point, you're not at a point of 'I haven't done this' your now at a point of 'I have done this and greater awareness of my current limitations'.

Keep exposing yourself to the situation and your confidence (understanding of your ability) will grow. When you've done it one-hundred times you'll even have the confidence to blame the machine when something goes wrong. Keep trying <(^_^)>

MeMyself&I · #10 1st April 2013, 18:02

I know exactly where you're coming from Mousey. I've worked in shops in the past, both point of sale and managerial, and I even ran my own shop for a while.

I remember being 'thrown in at the deep end' back when I first started out, after only two days training I was expected to be able to cope by myself on the weekend when nobody else was there. The main problem I encountered was as you mentioned, getting flustered and losing concentration. Messing up the till can seem daunting, but it's all there on the receipt, you just have to take your time and go back over it to rectify any problems. (I know, not easy when there's 10 people standing waiting for you!) It's just a question of building your confidence one step at a time, you'll get it eventually! I promise you, it does get easier.

BennyB · #11 1st April 2013, 18:44

Mousey

You should really be proud that you even attempted something that is so anxiety provoking. Although you are probably feeling low right now, most people in this community will sympathise with you greatly. Well done for being brave enough to even put yourself out there.

BennyB

Progress · #12 1st April 2013, 19:51

So sorry it went badly for you Mousey. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all have setbacks and you've made such huge strides forward lately. Just because you didn't get this right first time doesn't mean all is lost, no one gets everything right first time, we all need lots of practice at things. Give yourself a little time and you'll be ready to start again. It's never helpful to expect everything to go exactly as you want. Keep telling yourself of how you've moved forward lately. You can do it again.

Take care

Polygon · #13 1st April 2013, 20:37

You guys are the best, thanks so much for the replies. This has really knocked me back but I've been through worse and got back up I guess, who knows...I just feel so worthless right now.

You've all given me some things to think about anyway, thanks again

Polygon · #14 1st April 2013, 20:43

If I make any mistake in public it really flusters me, I know that I overreact and am too hard on myself, it just comes naturally though. Its a vicious cycle, I feel stupid, I blush, I panic, I feel very self conscious... I can't hold it together. I also cry at the drop of a hat

Wish I could control that

I know there are other jobs, I'm just very aware that I'm 35 with no experience or qualifications. I figure my options must be very limited and till work isn't so hard to come by

BennyB · #15 1st April 2013, 20:47

P.S. You haven't messed anything up whatsoever. We all face things that at times are just too much for our present emotional reserves. You are not without hope either as you said things were going well previously. You'll get there, just don't be your worst critic - have done this myself for too many years and made personal setbacks 100 times worse.

Polygon · #16 1st April 2013, 20:57

^ thanks

^^ I guess so, I need to think about it when I'm in a better frame of mind I suppose

Mr_Bean · #17 1st April 2013, 21:11

I work in retail. It is hard. Thing is every day is different. So you can have a really rubbish one day, then the next you could be quite confident.

black_mamba · #18 1st April 2013, 21:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godfather

I remember when I was volunteering in the gift shop at the animal shelter when I had a similar experience. I totally cocked up on the till when I was left alone to it and I started blushing badly and stalling. Eventually a worker came and helped me out. I felt like the biggest loser ever and went out the back and hid for about half an hour. I eventually gained some confidence with it but it happened again and I totally lost it. I literally walked out the shop and walked around the shelter for a while before calling my dad to pick me up. I never went back after that.

I ended up volunteering elsewhere and gained confidence that way and now, over two years later, I'm in full-time employment doing stuff I'd never have dreamt possible. Confidence can be built up. People change. Give it another go - if not there, then somewhere else

Exactly. Aim for progress, not perfection. I think you're doing amazing. I've had loads of different jobs in my time but serving customers on a till terrified me - I gave up after just 1 day. But looking back, it was a lovely little victory over my SA that I simply tried something out of my comfort zone. You did good Mousey, and I hope you realise this small step is how everyone overcomes their fears. We may stumble, falter, flap about and mess up, but its all progress!

Jarvis · #19 1st April 2013, 21:48

^ So true.

Reclue · #20 1st April 2013, 21:56

Like everyone else has said, you have already done incredibly well and should be proud of what you've already achieved.

I have worked in retail and know how daunting it can be and I have gone from feeling quite good about myself to feeling like a wreck in the space of 1 customer just because of how the customer behaved toward me.

The important thing is to go at your own pace and not to try and push yourself too much.

Try to think of it as climbing a staircase.

So I try to push myself knowing that I may fail.

If I succeed I'm one step higher and I know I have reached that step and can always return to it, it becomes a safe step.

If I fail I return to the previous step to recover and push myself when I have recovered, knowing that it may take several attempts, but the more I visit that step the safer it will begin to feel, and I will eventually feel safe on that step and be able to try the next one.

Thinking like this you should hopefully be able to see that a failure doesn't mean you crash back down to the bottom of the staircase - just temporarily take one step back.

Hope that makes sense and helps a little.

You've already climbed some pretty big steps there, well done and good luck

Sunshiny Day · #21 1st April 2013, 22:42

Mousey - I think you did really well...I've been working with my social anxiety for years and sometimes progress is like this...you slip backwards...the most important thing is to not give up!

Polygon · #22 1st April 2013, 22:46

Thank you everyone

I was embarrassed posting but I'm really glad I did now

Pablo Huntsbach · #23 1st April 2013, 23:01

Don't be embarrassed, everyone needs to make a giant wordy post about themselves every now and then. If I didn't then I'd have probably completely lost my mind by now. There are some good people here.

Polygon · #24 1st April 2013, 23:04

There sure are

JazzGuy · #25 1st April 2013, 23:33

You've been very brave to do what you have. I used to be agorophobic and theres no way I could have just suddenly started working in a shop. I'm not agorophobic any more and I still couldnt imagine doing it.

It sounds like you were doing really well. Dont let one bad day put you off. If you cant face going back there then you try volunteering again somewhere else.

black_mamba · #26 1st April 2013, 23:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pablo Huntsbach

Don't be embarrassed, everyone needs to make a giant wordy post about themselves every now and then. If I didn't then I'd have probably completely lost my mind by now.

Haha yeah that's true.

I think retail is actually very challenging work if you're in any way introverted. The problem is we tend to see teenagers doing it with ease so assume it must be easy, but it's not.

Hope you're feeling better now Mousey.

aVoice2use · #27 2nd April 2013, 00:08

Sounds like a not so nice thing to expereince but give yourself credit for being there and giving it a go.

pAuL1974 · #28 2nd April 2013, 01:23

As mentioned by many here, retail work can be extremely challenging for the introverted/anxious.

My own experience was part-time work in a supermarket. It was a whole new experience interacting with both colleagues and customers. In the early days, there was a time when I would actually avoid going to the staff canteen to take my breaks; I'd just go and kill some time elsewhere in an attempt to avoid others. That didn't last long though, my manager soon noticed!

After a couple of years, they decided to till train me. At first I hated it, and considered quitting or requesting to be excused from tills. Tills aren't for everyone; I've seen otherwise confident people panicky and in tears over them. In the end I stuck with the till work, and ended up favouring it over most of the other roles. And I must have even been good at it - I noticed that I had my regular customers who would seemingly hunt me down no matter which till I was at.

In many ways, I found retail work rewarding to me, but it was definitely a major struggle at times.

Polygon · #29 2nd April 2013, 17:58

Thanks all

Matt_1983 · #30 3rd April 2013, 16:46

Mousey, I just read your post and feel really inspired and motivated. How amazing that you managed to go and volunteer in that shop. Don't let a small set back knock you too much. If you had the strength to go walk in that shop in the first place, and then to step out and serve customers, then surely you can do those things again and much much more.