Did bullying play any role in your SA?

[Moksha]

I mean at school, on the streets, in the home, even at work?

[limey123]

It certainly didn't help. At school, at uni, even in the workplace. The uni stuff was probably the most damaging.
Even now I regularly hear strangers making nasty comments. Not sure if I would characterise that as "bullying" though.

[Gomen]

Bullying was the sole reason.

[Merritt]

The bullying I received at school probably wasn't that severe compared to what a lot of kids must go through, but I think my confidence and self esteem were already in the pits and it made sure they never had much room to grow. Now what I experienced then has become my default expectation of what people must think of me, that all the ugly/weird/stupid/funny things about me are obvious and on show. Although I haven't experienced any bullying as an adult, I feel bullied constantly, in the sense that everyone's judging me and finds me generally offensive. I don't mean that like I have a victim complex or that I'm being treated unfairly, I feel more like people are actually right to view me that way, and I should just try to keep my head down and avoid their attention.

[Lunar]

Yes definitely. The bullying at school was never physical, but personal (ie picking out characteristics of my appearance that I was already insecure about) and there were certain individuals who pretended to befriend me only later to laugh at me for even thinking they would really be friends with me. It has affected my relationships with people ever since due to trust issues.

[BritishPeace]

Yeah heavily and abusively bullied off my older (9 years) brother caused my SA

[Vance]

I often see bullying and SA as a bit of a chicken and egg situation. Did bullying cause your SA or does your SA lead to you being bullied. The answer can be either depending on the individual.

I was smaller than the other kids at school so immediately felt inferior to them and of coarse was an easy target for bullying. I wouldn't say I was severely bullied (I was never beaten up) but the constant belittling increased my insecurities and eroded what little confidence I had.

Unfortunately as an adult I've found that my SA seems to be a magnet for arseholes. These people see your vulnerability as an invitation to walk all over you - something I keep allowing to happen. As a result I struggle to trust people and tend to keep them at arms length.

Sad thing is despite all the arseholes I've encountered in life the biggest bully is still the one in my own head.

[firemonkey]

I was bullied for being physically and socially awkward at public school. If I'd been a child in the mid 1990s I'd have been a prime candidate for seeing an educational psychologist , who would have worked out I was on the spectrum.
As it was I was at school from 1961-1975. It was only last October when I was 61 that I saw a pdoc intelligent enough to see I might be on the spectrum.

For me the bullying tipped me over from shy to socially anxious.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Lunar

and there were certain individuals who pretended to befriend me only later to laugh at me for even thinking they would really be friends with me.

Jesus, that kind of thing makes me so angry. Casual cruelty, nasty comments, etc, are bad enough. But systematic, planned cruelty, designed to maximize pain and humiliation. Ugghh, it makes me want to give up on the human race.

[humphrey]

Getting bullied got worse as my SA worsened, especially in secondary school. In middle school I had moderate SA but not really any bullying. I can remember My first SA experience at my oldest brothers wedding when I was about 6/7 yrs old, but didn't have a clue about it, I just thought it was normal.

[Mr. Nobody]

Bullying seemed to make me become hyper-alert, and become a people-pleaser,
Hyper-alert because you become seriously alert to people's moods and inclinations, ....you're always wondering what mood someone will be in and how to play the weak fool, to appease them.
People-please, as it's a method to keep yourself safe and avoid the wrath of the bully.

Thing is, this unnatural fixation on others (created by bullying) can lead to SA, as it's focused on others and what they think of you, how they view you.
It also leads to low self-esteem.

[Gomen]

Originally Posted by Lunar

Yes definitely. The bullying at school was never physical, but personal (ie picking out characteristics of my appearance that I was already insecure about) and there were certain individuals who pretended to befriend me only later to laugh at me for even thinking they would really be friends with me. It has affected my relationships with people ever since due to trust issues.

Yup. I can relate to this.

[T]

Originally Posted by Lunar

Yes definitely. The bullying at school was never physical, but personal (ie picking out characteristics of my appearance that I was already insecure about) and there were certain individuals who pretended to befriend me only later to laugh at me for even thinking they would really be friends with me. It has affected my relationships with people ever since due to trust issues.

This



really in the end i hated the way i looked after getting called ugly and such really knocked my confidence in the end and went into my shell... over the 40 years i've lived well only the last 10 years i've learn't to accept myself as me and don't let it bother me as much.. its been some road but i'm now alot better with social stuff aswell after accepting who i am!

[DeeH]

I wasn't bullied at school, thankfully. I just kind of blended in.

[Tembo]

As I get older, the more I realise how much of an impact bullying has had on me.

In primary school I was bullied fairly badly (mostly good memories though). I have a physical disability which was more noticeable when I was very young. I especially remember a sports day event (who actually enjoys those?) where a group really took the piss out of me, so I ran away and hid inside the school. For most of the week after that, I was almost constantly crying and angry apparently.

But that was noting compared to secondary school. A state school in Essex, what more can I say? A school where one of the pupils stabbed someone to death.
I was bullied throughout by both boys and girls, and there are very few good memories of that place. There are a few moments where I actually feared for my life . If ever that school gets demolished, I will want front row seats to see it go. I presumed most secondary schools were like that, but when I told stories to people at university, some people were quite shocked, which is when I realized what an incredibly horrible place it was. Writing this has brought back some terrible memories, and its actually quite upsetting.

Thankfully my sixth form wasn't in my shit Essex hometown. It was actually really good, and I didn't have much bullying towards me. Though there was a period of a few weeks when I was bullied by some Year 8s though, which was a little humiliating.

I thought bullying would all be over after that. Surely most people who go to university are there because they want to learn, and they are much more mature? How wrong I was. The first 6 months was the worst period of my life - being away from home, with no friends, and being bullied. It was when I had my worst suicidal thoughts. Thankfully the people on my course were lovely. But the people I lived with on campus were just scum (and it won't be a surprise if I revealed what courses they were on... say no more). I know I was very awkward when meeting them all, which probably showed me as an easy target. Banging on my door in the early hours, throwing things at my window, chucking all my food in the bin and taking the piss out of me (it was much more than 'bantz') - it was deliberately targeted at me. These people were adults. Thankfully I moved out of that prison cell, and got a much better accommodation elsewhere. I met many people at uni, some who are still my friends, and I graduated. University turned out well in the end.

Its best not to ruminate, but I sometimes wonder what I would be like if I wasn't so severely bullied. Best not to think about it really.

[Percy]

Short story. Yes very much so.

Long story would be the equivalent of a PhD thesis and most of you would fall asleep trying to read it.

[Orwell20]

Looking back, I'm amazed the bullying wasn't worse. I never experienced any at primary school, though it was quite rough and had a bad reputation. Even then I was a good avoider and could smell danger a mile away.

The problems began when I was about 13. I was bullied from 13 to 16. To me it seemed bad, but I don't know if others saw it that way. I guess we all think the universe begins and ends with us at that age. I actually bumped into someone who took part in the bullying when I was 40. I hadn't seen him since we were 16. He clearly had no memory of it at all, and seemed pleased to see me - asking if we could meet for a drink, etc.

It was low level nastiness - a stupid nickname that stuck, humiliation (tripping me up, pulling my chair away, etc), and so on. It mostly took place in my form group. The ringleader was weirdly a sort of friend. At my sixth form, we even ended up going to London together for the day . Thankfully, it never got really nasty. And it was never physical - I've never been punched in the face, or threatened, or had kids waiting for me after school. That would have been awful. Plus, I know my dad would have told me to fight back, and that I'd have been too scared to, which would have left me feeling ashamed and humiliated.

Two things saved me. First, I was big. Even though I was a coward and wouldn't have fought back, they didn't know that, and my size probably deterred the really nasty little ****s from joining in and making it violent and vicious. Second, at lunchtime, me and another boy used to sneak out and go to the local chip shop. That kept me sane. If I hadn't had that escape, **** knows what I would have done. I feel so sorry for kids with social anxiety/low self-esteem, etc. School is/was/will always be a living hell for kids like that. In fact, I suspect the majority of kids have a horrible time. Best years of your life!! hahaha...do not make me laugh. I hated it.