Why do teenagers think they are invincible?

[Saph]

Sorry if I posted this question in the wrong place, I would really like to hear from parents of teenagers, of even teenagers.

Babies, preschoolers, elementary school, all fun ages, kids are adorable. I think the best part is they want to do things with their folks. I really feels like a family, they look up too you. Then teenager appears, don't want to be seen with folks, folks are stupid, they don't know anything and never understand what it is to be a teenager.

Then you find out they are having sex, they lie to you about where they are staying all night, and when you find out, they look at you like you have 4 heads for reacting.

I don't know what I am doing. I am there to talk whenever she needs, I let her know I love her and am proud of her, I also let her know when she disapoints me and when she has lost my trust, but always tell her it will take time and I will trust again.

She says I am way too overprotective, I tell her if I didn't care then I wouldn't say anything at all.

I spent the whole afternoon looking for her because I found out she wasn't where she said she was going to be last night. So she had been missing for 24 hours, after driving all over town I was on my way home to print up her picture to take to the police station, and thank gawd she was home. All in all she is a good kid, she thought I shouldn't of reacted.

My little angel is 15, and I have a son 13, he was very scared today too. He isn't so social like her so I don't know what I am in for with him yet.

Hey, I am truly sorry if this post is boring, I tried to sleep and keeping waking with really bad thoughts/dreams. What I wonder is do all parents go through this kind of stuff and do their teens think they are invincible?

I remember when I was a teen, I was much older when lied about where I was all night, I am almost sure I was 17 or 18.

Saph

Who hopes for one reply at least

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

hiya saph,

well i was exactly the same at that age too i'm sorry to say, i'm only 28 now but i remember what i used to put my poor dad through, i said all those things to him also, 'your too overprotective, you never let me do anything, i hate you, your ruining my life ect'
i think it's more a girl thing than a boy think in all honesty, i was the youngest of three, and i saw myself as not being allowed to do what my brother and sister had done before me, i felf resentment towards my dad, tho in retrospect i had much more leeway, but just not for the things i wanted.
i started dating one of the local criminals at 13, would stay out all night, not that i was doing anything bad just didn't want the 'party' the happy feelings i got when i was out to end, i wasn't and didn't do any drugs or sex or alcohol, but i was just trying to find myself.
my dad even got to the point of threaterning to put me in a home because he just couldn't deal with me anymore, i never went to school, got suspended more times than i can count.
but having said all that it didn't last too long and by about 15-16, i realised what i was doing and realised how much i loved my dad and how much he sacraficed for me, it was litrally like i woke up one day and though 'no more' and that was the end of that.
it could be that your daughter is 'reacting' to a situation, and maybe doing this as a means to get attention, i'm sorry i don't know your situation, and how this started, or on the other hand it could just be that she is indeed trying to 'find herself', we do afterall learn by our mistakes as long as the mistakes we make aren't too grave and we have a sence of right and wrong then the situation souldn't get too out of hand, and given a little time, space and time to think then she should see sense and realise you only thinking of her at the end of the day.
btw i even had to break into my house ona couple of occasions as my dad had thought 'sod it' and dead locked the door, that was the start of the turning point for me, thinking he didn't care any longer. that really frightend me.

take care katie.x

i doubt this helped any but i thought i would reply to your post having 'been there done that' kindda thing

[Saph]

Thanks so much for you replies Kate, the_godfather and Crazyfairyx, I really needed to hear other people's veiws.

Later that night her and I had a talk and the 2 girls she was with don't really have a home because they don't want any rules. One lives with her Dad who got out of prison not that long ago for sexual abuse against young girls. The other girl has run away from home and even ended up dancing in a strip club for the Hells Angels. Both girls are sexual active, the one without a home right now is trying to get pregnant from god knows who. They also went door to door asking for money , saying they were collecting for youths, they wanted to by drugs, didn't find any. My daughter says she don't do all that stuff and I have to beleive her till she gives me reason not too. She had called me that night and told me she was homesick, of course I thought se was way out in the boonies instead of 5 mins away. I told her I would of come got her had I known where she was and that she wanted to come home. She said she didn't want to tell me cause she knew I would be upset., I told her it better I am upset and she is home, then being afraid to tell me and have to spend the night where she didn't want to be. I really think this was an eye opener for her, she says one of her friends is very dirty now (not washing) and the other one steals everything, basically because she doesn't have any money and know one taking care of her.

After we talked, I think her thoughts about things changed some what.

Another hard part for her was waiting til Dad got home from work, which was night shift. My husband would of taken everything from her and threw away they key. But we got it down to a decent punishment with the rule that things will get lessoned on good behavior, sounds like a prison, but truly its not.

I don't think I slept all night, kept having nightmares and screaming out in my sleep. My poor son was going away for a few hours today, I nearly smothered him in hugs and kisses lol.

I fell a lot better today, just knowing where she is, a bit tired but okay.

Thanks again for your replies, they helped a lot.

Saph xx

[SuGaR!*]

i think thats just want young people do. its just part of growing up and to do with wanting their own space.

[firewoman]

You are good mother doing great work. I am sure your daughter will be fine with you behind her. Just becaase when she is out in these places she is not physcially with you and she can't see you, in her head your love for her will be there, and your lessons will be with her. That will keep her safe I am sure.

[hardy]

I think the best you can do is be a none critical guru to them. Yoiu can't TELL them what to do any more like when they were kids.

[Rosiemoore]

I never thought I was invincible as a teenager - and I certainly was not having sex!!!

In fact, I had never felt more helpless or alone.

I thought I'd never have any friends, let alone boyfriends!!!

It was when I first experienced the full horror of SA

[Saph]

I never thought I was invincible either, and It was also a difficult time for me. I guess I should of specified some teenager. Mine is home now and I am very greatful.

Saph

[punkFloyd]

coz they're a pain in the butt

[mico]

Sounds like a difficult situation to me.

Most teenagers do go through a lot of what you could call experimental stages. They do also sometimes think they're invinciple through their naivity, which then leads them to be more experimental.

The experimental process is a good and healthy one though. It's better to live and learn than not learn at all. So to an extent you do have to let them get on with their own lives, make their own mistakes and make their own decisions.

It's always a difficult line to draw though. You do have to be aware of what they're up to. This is one thing many parents miss, 'Oh, they wouldn't be out doing that!'. ...You sure?

Kids get up to all sorts. Usually that 'all sorts' is a bit of harmless fun to them, but with some kids it gets out of hand and it turns into something much more serious.

The positive here, is that she confided in you to some extent. And that is a big positive. Fact is, there's a lot of kids out there who will get themselves into the wrong crowd, even get themselves into trouble sometimes but they know that there are boundaries and are intelligent enough to know when not to cross them. I was one of those kids. I could have easilly done a lot of things which would have had a profound negative impact on my life, I knew a lot of undesirable people, people who are now living lives that are as undesirable as the people living them. I should've went down that same route, but my own mind told me not to.

This is were you can help out a little. Punishment, in my eyes does very little but results in rebellion. You know what teenagers are like, they don't take too well to being told what to do. You tell them one thing and they do the opposite. I think in the majority of cases it's a far better stance to listen to your kids, let them be comfortable about telling you what they get up to and try to guide them, rather than getting angry.

I mean, this is fairly normal for a teenager and they will get into trouble. We all did to some extent. It's their job. So let them do their job, but try and help them look positively into the future. Her mates obviously don't have any guidance, and consequently they have little hope. They're beyond punishment, the only thing that could help them out is the prospect of a positive future.

Don't get angry, but talk to your daughter without bias and try to understand each other.

[Saph]

Thanks for those words Mico,

I think rebellion is my husband and my worse fear. We punish her because I have always told her that there are rules all through life and we are all accountable for our actions. She has been really good, she has the computer back. I don't beleive in long punishment, cause it is pointless and then the point of it is lost.

Tbh, I really have know idea of what I am doing.

Saph

[moth]

Hi saph,
I had to write to say it sounds like you are doing well, there is no harm in having rules and teenagers being accountable. At 15 she still needs your protection and guidance, as much as is possible without stifling her. it sounds like you eally know what you are doing despite your fears that you do not. If it comes from the heart and you are not afraid to be tough then I guess you and she will be fine. However, I know it's just getting through these years that is the hard bit!!

My teenager is 19 now. To be honest I think i floundered in guiding him through his mid teens. it sounds like you are there for your daughter which is the main thing.

Hugs

Moth