How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Schmosby]

Currently fuming because Virgin have been stealing an extra £30 a month from me for the last 3 months, F capitalism and the patriarchy!!! (It's 100% my fault, contract came to an end so price went back to standard and I forgot, F me)

[Bambos]

Tired and invigorated at the same time, if that's possible. I was awoken unexpectedly at around 8, which is 7 really, after a night of wine drinking, to move heavy furniture up and down stairs.

I'm still riding some strange kind of adrenaline and subsequently caffeine based high despite being sleep deprived underneath. It's very odd, I want to run and nap at the same time.

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Schmosby

Currently fuming because Virgin have been stealing an extra £30 a month from me for the last 3 months, F capitalism and the patriarchy!!! (It's 100% my fault, contract came to an end so price went back to standard and I forgot, F me)

hey come on now, if patriarchy had its way there would be NO virgins at all


but yes utility companies can suck the scum off my chowder

[hellotiger]

Little bit drunkies.
I probably shouldn't have ordered my mums birthday present while drinking. I'm pretty sure she like she macaroons though. I don't. Sandpaper food.

[kirbycrackle]

Hanging. This is why I don't drink much lol

[newbs16]

Really tired, I went for a walk earlier and felt unbelievably tired, losing a hour and being awake early probably hasn't helped.

[Indigo_]

I've had a virus for the better part of a week now. Slept 16 hours across last night and today and still feel like utter crud.

[Mo34]

Tired. Drove over to Bognor and saw my friend. Got there at 11 am and didn't leave to almost 7 pm! I forget how tiring kids can be sometimes. However I do seem to be finding these trips over there easier each time (sa wise) which is good.

Checked my phone when I got in and one of my cousins has 'waved' at me on f/b. Now i'm wondering why....they often come down to Brighton (her and her husband) and I'm now thinking oh God does this mean a visit might be imminent without my dad I find my family hard work, I have absolutely nout to talk about.

[Mo34]

^ Yeah I think you might be right. She waved at me, so I waved back, she then waved back at me!

[newbs16]

I felt really anxious this morning, I now feel slightly better.

[A Whimsical Stranger]

I have such a bad feeling today. I've had it all weekend and I've convinced myself my boyfriend's going to break up with me. It'll be funny if he actually does and further confirms my belief that I'm inherently unlovable and everyone leaves me in the end. It really will be funny.

[Merritt]

^ But if he doesn't, and nothing bad happens, will you take it as evidence that you are in fact lovable and things are going alright?

(If you're anything like me, you'll probably just think 'Well, I got lucky... THIS time' and start mentally preparing for the next potential catastrophe, but I really wouldn't recommend being anything like me)

[Merritt]

I hate the way I feel like I'm trespassing every time I step outside my front door. When I pass people in the street, I feel like I need to show deference for using the same pavement as them, and I feel weird if I risk making any eye contact, but rude if I stare at the ground. Went for a little walk around the park, and felt paranoid about what people thought of me. A funny looking man walking around a park on his own... do I come across as a wrong'un to anyone? Even if they don't outright assume that about me, does it cross their mind? Then to cap it off, went into Gregg's to fetch some lunch and stumbled over every word. I even sounded to myself like I was a bit slow.

I don't know why, but I genuinely feel like I'm doing something I should feel guilty about whenever I'm outside. I get back home and feel like I've just beat a level of Splinter Cell, lucky to have not been caught by the local patrols and searchlights.

[Kevin Hodge]

oh god ever have a cup of tea on an empty stomach and you feel like everything is gonna come out of every exit

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by Kooky Monster

^ That sounds suspiciously like 'Russian' tea. The teapot wasn't glowing was it?

lol na, i think i just tend to have reactions to caffiene if i dont guzzle something along with it. i know some people get this reaction from coffee but i'm v v sensitive

[kirbycrackle]

Originally Posted by Merritt

I hate the way I feel like I'm trespassing every time I step outside my front door. When I pass people in the street, I feel like I need to show deference for using the same pavement as them, and I feel weird if I risk making any eye contact, but rude if I stare at the ground. Went for a little walk around the park, and felt paranoid about what people thought of me. A funny looking man walking around a park on his own... do I come across as a wrong'un to anyone? Even if they don't outright assume that about me, does it cross their mind? Then to cap it off, went into Gregg's to fetch some lunch and stumbled over every word. I even sounded to myself like I was a bit slow.

I don't know why, but I genuinely feel like I'm doing something I should feel guilty about whenever I'm outside. I get back home and feel like I've just beat a level of Splinter Cell, lucky to have not been caught by the local patrols and searchlights.

Sorry to quote you merrit, I'll unquote if you prefer?

Anyway, I can relate to a lot of this and struggle with the feeling of being an intruder when out of my comfort zones. I think I'm much better than I used to be, mainly because it's too fatiguing to be thinking this way all the time. But it does still play a role when I'm out.
I think low confidence is the only real thing in all of this and I'm sure you don't come across as a wrong'un to anybody.

Hope you feel better dude.

[Merritt]

Thanks Miggs No worries about quoting, it's ok.

It is very fatiguing to think this way all the time. There are times when I stop caring, at least caring so much, but I can't seem to control when they happen. Today was one of those 'Well, that's what I get for trying' days.

[newbs16]

^ I often feel uncomfortable when walking along the pavement, are you meant to say hello, smile at them awkwardly, ignore them and just look at the floor. Whatever i do there is a good chance I come across a weirdo.

[Mo34]

^
me too.
I prefer little villages as everyone seems to say hello/morning/afternoon so at least you know where are.

[Xithium]

Feeling a bit down. I started a new job last year, as a trainee teacher. I knew from the start it was a bit of a mad decision, as being up in front of people has always been a huge fear of mine. But I've made a lot of progress over the past few years and thought what the hell... I'll give it a try. I wanted to push myself in gaining a 'respectable career' and my partner was, at the time, enjoying his role as trainee teacher which got me thinking about it as something perhaps I'd be suited to as well (he rapidly became super stressed out about a month after my first day, and ended up quitting - that was a bit of a warning sign!).

I'd been doing OK (I think...) in the teaching assistant/beginning student teacher, role but more recently I've been having to step up and start giving whole-class teaching a go. I was observed for the first few times last week and it was horrible. I got through it, but I'm wondering whether I should carry on because my fear is that it's all a bit beyond my capability. I think this feeling has stemmed mainly from some of the feedback I was given after my last observation. My mentor, after watching me, revolved most of her feedback around my quietness and I just found out (after being added into a series of emails) that she has contacted another teacher in the school to ask if I can take his class for a lesson in order to help me develop some confidence in handling a difficult class. Reading myself being described as somebody quiet who needs some experience in handling a class and setting boundaries makes me feel humiliated. I'm reading too much into a genuine desire to help me improve my practice, I know, but I'm frustrated at being labelled and introduced as that label to people I've not even met yet. It all just makes it the more harder for me to develop confidence. I'm also feeling really paranoid that everybody I've come across in the school 'knows' I'm not cut out for this profession and I'm embarrassed to be there.

I just feel... labelled no matter what I do, as the 'quiet one'. I know most people aren't meaning it in a malicious way, but it really bothers me. When I feel like I have tried to be sociable, to be talkative and to come out of my shell but am reminded again and again, that I'm still perceived in the same way, I feel totally demotivated. It's always been my dream to find myself a career that pays decently and is challenging in a way that's good for me (say what you will about teaching, but I'd found a lot of what I'd desired in it - or the potential anyway) and now I'm terrified at having to start all over again doing something else. I have no idea what I can do for work outside of going back to retail, which I don't wish to do. I find myself fantasising about ridiculous things like winning the lottery, so that I won't have to deal with anxiety about getting a decent job and managing to be good enough for it.

I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up to it all! bananas decision.

[Sebby Debby Ding Dong]

i feel sick, hungry, tired, lonely, fatigued, worried, thirsty

[Appear]

Chronic dissatisfaction. Not that it adequately describes it. There should be a lovely German compound noun for it, but I don't think there is. Völligseinschmerz would do it.

[flumpsy]

Alone

[blancmange]

Repulsive.

[newbs16]

^ You really aren't dimples, you're lovely x

[flumpsy]

^^ don't listen to your silly brain dimps, you are lovely

[Rianne]

^ I too relate to everything Merritt has said. And, like you jinny, I***8217;m always the one to move. It***8217;s very hard to ***8216;believe in yourself***8217; in any way when you go through life feeling that you are nothing but a nuisance everywhere you go! I can***8217;t enjoy strolling round anywhere on my own because I feel people are watching and judging me. As soon as I enter a shop where an assistant notices me, I feel awkward. Do they think I***8217;m attempting to shoplift? And the minute I start to think they think that it makes me act awkwardly so I have to leave!!! Merritt, you***8217;re not alone, lots of us feel the same way

[Rianne]

Flumpsy, you***8217;re never alone when you***8217;ve got us lot on here to talk to! We***8217;re so glad to see you back, we***8217;ve been missing your posts and your humour!

[Rianne]

Xithium- nothing wrong with being quiet! I admire you for going into teaching. It***8217;s a difficult profession to work in. You are entirely right I***8217;m sure, that the motive behind wanting to put you in front of a ***8216;difficult***8217; class in order to boost your confidence is a genuine one of helpfulness. If the person thought that you wouldn***8217;t cope at all it***8217;s not something they would have suggested. You obviously have good teaching skills and just need to practice raising your voice a bit with challenging children! You say that you have found a lot of what you are looking for within the teaching profession and that in itself should give you the encouragement to build on what you have. When I was at school my favourite teacher was the quiet one. Not prone to sudden bursts of shouting when dealing with awkward kids, but had a firm, fair and gentle manner which in fact gained the respect of all her pupils. Don***8217;t start telling yourself that you made the wrong decision in going into teaching because it sounds to me as if you made exactly the right one - And, if you can practice being firm, alongside your quietness, theres an awful lot of children out there who will learn a valuable life skill from that.

[blancmange]

Originally Posted by newbs16

^ You really aren't dimples, you're lovely x

Originally Posted by flumpsy

^^ don't listen to your silly brain dimps, you are lovely

Thanks guys I appreciate the niceness but I'm far from lovely.