What are you doing to get better?

[BenMann]

Hey Hopeforme,

First off, thanks for sharing your update. It takes courage to be open about personal struggles, and I appreciate your honesty.

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved much since your last post, and it sounds like you're facing some significant challenges. It's great that you've taken the first step by acknowledging the need for change and considering job searching. Moving towards independence is a commendable goal.

I can imagine that the psychotherapy journey might not be giving you the immediate relief you're looking for, but sometimes these processes take time. It's a positive step that you're engaging in that form of support.

When it comes to job searching, take it one step at a time. Break it down into manageable tasks, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need help or advice. The forum is a great place for support, and there might be others who have gone through similar experiences.

Remember, it's never too late to start fresh and make positive changes. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, but resilience and determination can make a huge difference. Keep us updated on your progress, and don't hesitate to share if you need any specific advice or encouragement.

Wishing you the best on your journey to self-improvement.

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by BenMann

Hey Hopeforme,

First off, thanks for sharing your update. It takes courage to be open about personal struggles, and I appreciate your honesty.

I'm sorry to hear that things haven't improved much since your last post, and it sounds like you're facing some significant challenges. It's great that you've taken the first step by acknowledging the need for change and considering job searching. Moving towards independence is a commendable goal.

I can imagine that the psychotherapy journey might not be giving you the immediate relief you're looking for, but sometimes these processes take time. It's a positive step that you're engaging in that form of support.

When it comes to job searching, take it one step at a time. Break it down into manageable tasks, and don't hesitate to reach out if you need help or advice. The forum is a great place for support, and there might be others who have gone through similar experiences.

Remember, it's never too late to start fresh and make positive changes. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, but resilience and determination can make a huge difference. Keep us updated on your progress, and don't hesitate to share if you need any specific advice or encouragement.

Wishing you the best on your journey to self-improvement.

Thank you Ben. I'm replying to you a little late. I remember when I first read your message and it felt really touching to me.

I felt like there were little moments last week when my mood felt a little better but the weekend gone has really trashed that due to conflicts I am having at home. I feel really horrible inside and I have this thing where I feel like I have lost my progress when such an upsetting thing happens. I spoke to my dad on the phone last night and he was critical and nasty. I realised that he is totally incapable of displaying any kind of warmth or positive emotions towards me that last more than a second. I have never experienced safe, loving, kind support and dynamics from him.

I feel under immense pressure to live a normal life like other people and be better. It feels like time is ticking against me at 31. I suppose it also makes sense because living like this really is painful. SA is a painful condition.

I did attend a job interview on friday but unfortunately I got turned down. I also have received rejections from all the other applications that I have done so far. But I will keep going because I have to get out of here. I'm thinking of just taking any job if it means peace of mind outside.

Not knowing what I want to do plus imagining myself doing badly in the job/being overwhelmed because of SA are hindrances/issues that I need to overcome.

[Chess&Junkfood]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

chess n junk foodt: How is the journaling going now? I am actually thinking of trying to get back to some form of journaling. It wasn't helpful in the past however so I am reluctant. I agree about letting go of the past. Particularly what people have done to me over the years in my family and my parents. I live with my mother so easier said than done! But I am determined to do everything from my end to get on better with her. I can't change her and I have been a total nightmare to live with myself.

Percy: Great stuff man, you are certainly the inspiration on this forum.

I'm sorry Hopeforme, I've only just seen your post. As for your post, I'm not sure how helpful it's been so far. Although It's helping me to be more self reflective. And it's given me a better understanding as to how often I've made excuses in being avoident in social situations. So that's something I suppose. But journaling probably isn't the best of options, but it feels like the best option for now. I also hope you find the best option for yourself.

[gregarious_introvert]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

Gregarious_introvert:

Well done on your big progress over the last 8 years. That's a big achievement. I imagine the autism diagnosis would of come as relief maybe? Although upsetting too perhaps. I wonder if I am on the autistic scale. It seems to go hand in hand for some people with the SA. CAMRA..are those the ale drinkers? Fair enough. How have things been going recently for you?
The fact that you need to work on stuff but the anxiety is not controlling you is enormous. You're nearly there I think.

Sorry, I missed this until now, Hfm (if I may address you so informally?), but in my defence, November was a busy month for me, with only four days at home before yesterday. The autism diagnosis wasn't upsetting at all - I'd been chasing it for 20 years, so it was a relief and a vindication. Even though I knew I had it (but had two decades of being told that there was nobody, in the areas where I was living, qualified to diagnose Asperger's in adults), having it confirmed was the moment everything in my life really began to make sense.

I can't speak for everyone, but I have a theory that for a lot of people who live with autism and also social anxiety disorder, the latter is a product of the former, perhaps because of the way we are treated socially (I should also say that there are a lot of people on the spectrum who exhibit no outward signs of social anxiety, although it's impossible to know what anyone is feeling internally); certainly for me, I was bullied from my first day at school (and never understood why, because I didn't understand that I was different, or how I was viewed by others) and rejected socially throughout my life, which of course made me avoidant. Not everyone who is neurodiverse is socially anxious and not everyone who is socially anxious is neurodiverse, but it isn't difficult to see that there is often a clear link between the two.

It's three months now since I posted in this thread (where does the time go?) and I would say that I'm less anxious than I was when I made that post, although during that time, the curve hasn't always gone in the same direction (does it ever?) - things have happened which have increased my anxiety levels and other things have happened which have decreased them, but I've been too busy to be agoraphobic. On my travels, I haven't gone out of my way to avoid social contact, but I haven't actively been seeking it either. In very recent times (literally, the couple of days since I came home from Portugal), I have started to make some promising online connections through Facebook, but of course it's too early yet to know if these will come to fruition, however I am suddenly a lot more optimistic about being able to build friendships. I will always be a work in progress and I will always experience some level of anxiety (as does everyone), but it does seem that hard work and persistence might pay off for once (I think that, for many of us, one of the most discouraging things is that the effort we put into making good social connections often goes unrewarded - as it has for me, so often - which decreases our motivation to try again).

I should add that, although it may read from the paragraph above that the opportunities just suddenly sprang up today, it has taken some time for me to seek out Facebook groups which are aligned with my interests and make myself active on them, so it's really the old story of overnight success (if indeed, it is ultimately a success) being preceded by years of hard work (in this case, months of hard work regarding social media, but also years of learning social etiquette and improving my skills before being able to attempt the social media route effectively).

CAMRA is indeed the ale drinkers: I'm only an occasional drinker, but when I do drink, I only drink ale (I get a bad reaction to anything fizzy and ale is flat) and my local CAMRA group, twice a month, has walks which usually involve popping into a pub halfway, then maybe a couple more pubs at the end (like an eight miles' pub crawl, with more crawl than pub), but since I've started travelling again, I haven't been able to attend any of these (and although I was on friendly terms with the other members, we didn't really have anything in common other than a love of ale - and walking, of course). I've had a similar experience with The Ramblers, where I've enjoyed the walks and the social interaction, but have a very different life to my fellow walkers.

You said that you think I'm "nearly there" and I think that, now, I'm more "nearly there" than I was three months ago, but that that is how I'll always be - it's human nature to be dissatisfied with our lives, always to want more, but sometimes we have to take stock and recognise how far we've come, then continue working towards our goals; we may reach them (in which case we need to set new goals, because life is about striving for something, but ideally we enjoy the striving, "it's not the destination, it's the journey"), or we may not, but in that case we are more motivated if we can feel that the goal is attainable. For me, nearly there is enough, as long as I don't stop trying to get there and continue to get closer.

Sorry, I didn't know that was going to be a long post when I began writing it!

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by Chess&Junkfood

I'm sorry Hopeforme, I've only just seen your post. As for your post, I'm not sure how helpful it's been so far. Although It's helping me to be more self reflective. And it's given me a better understanding as to how often I've made excuses in being avoident in social situations. So that's something I suppose. But journaling probably isn't the best of options, but it feels like the best option for now. I also hope you find the best option for yourself.

At least you're getting something from it even if its not as much as you would like. Have you tried identifying your feelings when you are doing it and seeing if coming into contact with feelings/emotions is helpful? For now it seems like it's the most practical thing. What do you think would be a better option for you?

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

Sorry, I missed this until now, Hfm (if I may address you so informally?), but in my defence, November was a busy month for me, with only four days at home before yesterday. The autism diagnosis wasn't upsetting at all - I'd been chasing it for 20 years, so it was a relief and a vindication. Even though I knew I had it (but had two decades of being told that there was nobody, in the areas where I was living, qualified to diagnose Asperger's in adults), having it confirmed was the moment everything in my life really began to make sense.

I can't speak for everyone, but I have a theory that for a lot of people who live with autism and also social anxiety disorder, the latter is a product of the former, perhaps because of the way we are treated socially (I should also say that there are a lot of people on the spectrum who exhibit no outward signs of social anxiety, although it's impossible to know what anyone is feeling internally); certainly for me, I was bullied from my first day at school (and never understood why, because I didn't understand that I was different, or how I was viewed by others) and rejected socially throughout my life, which of course made me avoidant. Not everyone who is neurodiverse is socially anxious and not everyone who is socially anxious is neurodiverse, but it isn't difficult to see that there is often a clear link between the two.

It's three months now since I posted in this thread (where does the time go?) and I would say that I'm less anxious than I was when I made that post, although during that time, the curve hasn't always gone in the same direction (does it ever?) - things have happened which have increased my anxiety levels and other things have happened which have decreased them, but I've been too busy to be agoraphobic. On my travels, I haven't gone out of my way to avoid social contact, but I haven't actively been seeking it either. In very recent times (literally, the couple of days since I came home from Portugal), I have started to make some promising online connections through Facebook, but of course it's too early yet to know if these will come to fruition, however I am suddenly a lot more optimistic about being able to build friendships. I will always be a work in progress and I will always experience some level of anxiety (as does everyone), but it does seem that hard work and persistence might pay off for once (I think that, for many of us, one of the most discouraging things is that the effort we put into making good social connections often goes unrewarded - as it has for me, so often - which decreases our motivation to try again).

I should add that, although it may read from the paragraph above that the opportunities just suddenly sprang up today, it has taken some time for me to seek out Facebook groups which are aligned with my interests and make myself active on them, so it's really the old story of overnight success (if indeed, it is ultimately a success) being preceded by years of hard work (in this case, months of hard work regarding social media, but also years of learning social etiquette and improving my skills before being able to attempt the social media route effectively).

CAMRA is indeed the ale drinkers: I'm only an occasional drinker, but when I do drink, I only drink ale (I get a bad reaction to anything fizzy and ale is flat) and my local CAMRA group, twice a month, has walks which usually involve popping into a pub halfway, then maybe a couple more pubs at the end (like an eight miles' pub crawl, with more crawl than pub), but since I've started travelling again, I haven't been able to attend any of these (and although I was on friendly terms with the other members, we didn't really have anything in common other than a love of ale - and walking, of course). I've had a similar experience with The Ramblers, where I've enjoyed the walks and the social interaction, but have a very different life to my fellow walkers.

You said that you think I'm "nearly there" and I think that, now, I'm more "nearly there" than I was three months ago, but that that is how I'll always be - it's human nature to be dissatisfied with our lives, always to want more, but sometimes we have to take stock and recognise how far we've come, then continue working towards our goals; we may reach them (in which case we need to set new goals, because life is about striving for something, but ideally we enjoy the striving, "it's not the destination, it's the journey"), or we may not, but in that case we are more motivated if we can feel that the goal is attainable. For me, nearly there is enough, as long as I don't stop trying to get there and continue to get closer.

Sorry, I didn't know that was going to be a long post when I began writing it!

You may call me Hfm, no problem for me!

That does sound very busy with only 4 days at home! I'm glad that the autism diagnosis has been helpful and has probably confirmed things for you that you suspected or knew deep down all along. I can imagine the sense of comfort that comes from receiving the diagnosis. Crazy how no-one could diagnose it in your area for that length of time. If that is through the NHS then I am not surprised based on my own experiences. I certainly agree with your analysis on neurodivergent people and those with social anxiety. Some people will have both and overlap. When they gave you your autism diagnosis did they offer you any help? Did you talk to them about the problems it has caused you like the bullying, and more recently in your adult life the social rejection you faced.

On the facebook group stuff, it does sound like you have applied what you have learnt and you are doing well. The feeling I get from your post is one of progress and some things clicking into place. I can't find a clapping emoji but definitely well done.

On the CAMRA and Ramblers activities, you know where they are so can always attend them when you want to/can. I've been to things in the past where I didn't have much else in common with the people other than being there for the thing the group was meant for. Did you struggle to make a deeper connection with people there?

Your last paragraph is wise. I think in my case that in most of the things I have done, I have never really enjoyed the journey. It's always felt too difficult and out of reach. Everything produces intense constant anxiety. What I do is arduous. It's not a way to live life.

I don't mind long posts. In fact, I like them! I thought mine was going to be longer than how it looked when I finished it haha.

[Chess&Junkfood]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

At least you're getting something from it even if its not as much as you would like. Have you tried identifying your feelings when you are doing it and seeing if coming into contact with feelings/emotions is helpful? For now it seems like it's the most practical thing. What do you think would be a better option for you?

I try not to tap into my feelings too much when I'm journaling. Mainly as it brings me down. So it's more of a matter of fact kind of journal. Although that might change as I continue with the journaling. But for now I'm happy to just write the facts of how I think my SA has manifested itself. Which then might give me a better overview of the situation as it were.

As for what might be the better option for me? I'm not sure. Although the journaling represents a step in the right direction. Which then might lead me further down the line in that right direction. At which point I might have a better understanding as to what the best option is for me. Although It's entirely possible that my SA is now just a part of me and I need to adapt the best I can.

[Appear]

I made myself go into the office today for a divisional day thing even though there wasn't a requirement to. It actually went alright (much better than the last time I was in) and I feel like I got on well with a couple of people. If anything, it's made me feel a bit better about the Christmas meal and away day next week.

[Just-Matt]

May I say that this thread has been an eye-opening and inspirational read? No? Well, I'm saying it anyway...

I have attempted a variety of things to get better; some have stuck and worked, some haven't.

Currently, my daily (or at least 5 out of 7 days) practice consists of some sort of meditation, whether it's mindful awareness, gratitude-based, breathing techniques led or even affirmation-based. Or just pure relaxation and inner self-reflection lasting between 5 and 10 minutes. Sometimes more.

Working out, or some form of physical activity at all on most days. For the endorphin release alone it's worth it, if not to get stronger and feel healthier.

Journaling was mentioned by someone else also, I do something pretty similar. I used to just type out thoughts like blog posts, then I found the courage to start recording them orally (also because it's easier and quicker than continuously typing), and a few years later I have surprisingly not looked back. It's always good to indulge in some self-talk and air out what's on your mind, I highly recommend it. It allows me to come to terms with things, especially if they're bothering me. Whether it works specifically for you or not is subjective though.

Indulging back into personal creative projects is usually a help too, especially as I get better at fighting the voices in my head telling me it's all crap and not worth bothering with

All that said, there's definitely more I want and need to do.

[Hopeforme]

Thanks Just-Matt! Appreciate it and I appreciate your post. How are you doing?

I am feeling really down today and angry. Angry at the situation I have got myself into and just feeling really depressed about my life situation. I am riddled with physical injuries and it's a long way until my NHS appointment. No job and no money and terrible living situation with my mum plus bad relations with my dad who is a bad person. Wow.

I had one or two job interview but got turned down. At the moment I have gone to stay with family to get away from the crazy home environment. I created another CV today and will send it to some recruitment agencies tomorrow. I have to get into a job and get employed. Because I will certainly have to spend some money on private healthcare this year (2024). It's just a really really bad situation and I am feeling emotional about it. I don't know what the purpose of this post is. Maybe just to rant.

[Hopeforme]

This thead has turned into a journal for me in a way where I come and post about how I am doing.

Once again I have been looking at some private therapy places because I have a bad feeling about my current therapy I am engaging in and its application to social anxiety. The last couple of sessions were helpful before Xmas for helping me act on coming to see my family and stay with them. But I feel doubtful and therefore will have to seek out other options.

I am also going to start doing EFT from the 1st January for the 30D challenge from a certain youtube channel (I made a thread about it). It is free.

I feel pretty miserable in general.

[Hopeforme]

There is one more thing that I want to add. I would like to connect with people more who have SA like I do or similar or who have it severely. I feel very alone. I am open to meeting and connecting with people in real life, although I really understand that this condition makes it hard for people to do so.

[R.H.I.N.O.]

One of the things I've been looking at lately is how your diet affects your mental health, which led me to info about the microbiome and gut health.

Someone with good gut health will have healthier levels of serotonin and dopamine, which we know affects mood.

My main goal is physical health and getting my weight back under control, but if I can do it in such a way that it helps me mentally as well, then that can only be a good thing. Just need to work my way through all the xmas crap first.

If anyone is interested, I'm watching and reading stuff by Dr Tim Spector.

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

This thead has turned into a journal for me in a way where I come and post about how I am doing.

Once again I have been looking at some private therapy places because I have a bad feeling about my current therapy I am engaging in and its application to social anxiety. The last couple of sessions were helpful before Xmas for helping me act on coming to see my family and stay with them. But I feel doubtful and therefore will have to seek out other options.

I am also going to start doing EFT from the 1st January for the 30D challenge from a certain youtube channel (I made a thread about it). It is free.

I feel pretty miserable in general.

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot Hopeforme But you're also really trying to make progress. It's good that the therapy you have been having helped you get through Christmas and you're going to try EFT as well. I hope things improve a lot for you in the New Year.

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by Dougella

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot Hopeforme But you're also really trying to make progress. It's good that the therapy you have been having helped you get through Christmas and you're going to try EFT as well. I hope things improve a lot for you in the New Year.

Thank you Dougella. Yes, I am glad that the therapy I tried did help me over that difficult period. I am meeting my case manager quite soon and will mention to her that I feel my current therapist doesn't understand my social anxiety. It could be the style they work in that is not quite resonating with me and thus me not knowing what to do.

On that point, I really feel like I need more guidance and real-life support. I wish there was a face-face support group for people with SA that I could attend and make friends with the people there. I feel extremely isolated and lonely and completely different to everybody that I come into contact with. It's making me want to cry. My anxiety levels are also so high that I wish I had somebody by my side to do difficult things. I'm just very tired trying to go at it alone.

The EFT starts tomorrow day one. I am honestly surprised that more people didn't reply in my thread about it and are willing to try it. Although I do get that it comes across as a giant load of BS. So maybe I answered my question there! But the youtube channel is legit and there are some peer-reviewed scientific journals about EFT for other mental health disorders. I know the NHS doesn't recognise it but they can be rigid people when it comes to experimental approaches.

Job-wise, I keep looking at applications and thinking "I can't do that". I think an entry-level job in something would be better for me to get started at first. This is where SA screws up everything because it makes me worry about my interactions with the people I would be working with, not just whether I can manage the work which is hard enough.

[Dougella]

^^ Speaking to your case manager about seeing a different therapist could be a good idea, you need to see someone who understands what you're struggling with and who you feel you click with.

You can always check the Meetings and Penpals sections here to see if there is anyone in your area also wanting to meet people with SA or groups being organised. Or even start your own thread to see if anyone contacts you.

You're dealing with a lot but you're really trying and I'm sure you will make very good progress

[Hopeforme]

Wow so many views. I feel a resposibility to make sure this thread keeps going. Chime in people.

Right now I am feeling alone, scared, depressed and I actually want to burst into tears. These feelings are compounded by the fact that I sleep around 3 hours a night. I am exhausted and I just want to sleep right now.

I had a weird therapy session on monday. We have been meeting regularly for about 10/11 months and not much progress has been made. I will use him for a while longer to see my through and then change.

I have enrolled in an EFT program (the tapping stuff) for social anxiety. Let's see how that goes. I am tapping most days.

I still really want to meet more people with SA in real life, and meeting men or a man who has a similar manifestation of SA would be great.

[Dougella]

^ 3 hours sleep a night is not much at all, no wonder you're tired!

I hope the EFT program is helpful, let us know how it goes?

[Hopeforme]

No 3 hours really is not alot. It happened again last night. I have started the EFT program but nothing to really say so far. Perhaps a few little wins here and there, like feeling like I have better eye contact with people and trying to stay true to myself by not changing who I am like my speech and my accent but fundamentally I feel pretty awful.

I'm not going to lie, but I also don't want to scare people. I'm going to be honest. I am terrified of how my mental health is. I really don't know if I can ever be normal or whether I am seriously and fundamentally messed up. I have alot of suicidal thoughts at night.

I'm going to be 32 this year and it quite frankly feels like I am 10 years too late. 22 years old with my issues is bad enough but 32...what the actual f***. I am very distressed about it. I want to cry. Visiting this forum and coming on here and just reading it gives me some comfort. I don't know why really. I think as an online community its a forum without any troublemaking morons which is quite rare. I think I would get on with everyone I meet.

Here are the top issues right now and what the latest is:

1) I feel inhibited even coming on here and writing because of a fear of judgment. Both CBT from the Social Anxiety Institute (Dr Richards' website and frankly a man who sounds like he knows what he is talking about), and the EFT guy both say that fighting and getting angry over your SA is addng fuel to the fire. But seriously, I am so worried about judgment on here. And this is supposed to be a safe place. And really people have been cool with me on here...

2) As I stated before in this thread, I am currently receiving psychoanalytic therapy. This is falling apart big time and I do not feel it is possible to carry on for much longer with my current therapist. The last 2 weeks have been activating, emotional and hugely upsetting. I can't deal with this guy. I am going to speak to the clinical lead there and see how I can work through this problem and what she thinks.

3) My mental health community team are incompetent and screwed me over. A friend is advising me to write letters to go through the complains system and I will finish them ASAP. Enough is enough.

4) Where do I go from here for social anxiety therapy and my mind? I am doing the online EFT program from my home, but perhaps it is necessary to speak to somebody face to face who specialises in this area. I know in the deepest place of my heart it is completely necessary and actually ridiculous that someone who is as socially anxious as me hasn't done that already.

5) I need a job and some work. hahahah ive never worked for long periods of time and reached my age. I feel like a "loser". What the hell do you say to people?

6) I feel small and skinny compared to other men and this has plagued my confidence for ages. I have incurred injuries from my assault last year and from incorrect gym work many, many years ago. Unfortunately its not moving much. But I have my appointment with the knee surgeon in 2 weeks and I am seeing a physiotherapist every 4 or 5 weeks. I am religiously doing the exercise homework and am also seeing an osteopath. I am putting in the work here. Gotta improve my diet again though.

7) I have made big strides in cutting out pornography from my life but paying for sex has to stop and I am really really struggling even though I do it alot less. I went tonight. I am very ashamed of this and believe me, I don't like telling anyone because its been judged very negatively when I opened up before to people and I ended up lying. On one level its a tragic activity.

8) And the above point brings me onto my next thing which is that I have to address women and dating at some point. In fact, I have done a top class job in completely avoiding overcoming my social anxiety up until this point. Hence I am in the position I am in. Yes from 24/25 I got profoundly mentally unwell and was pretty much out of this solar system fr afew years and now I'm re-entering I am landing on the surface of the earth realising how totally serious the situation is.

[sophie79]

You are certainly going through a lot, but you're also doing and trying so much to get better. Give yourself some compassion for fighting like you are. There's also no reason for anyone to judge you here, I hope you can continue to feel okay about posting if it will help you organise your thoughts and bring some comfort.

Some of the things you mention in your first paragraph I have problems with too, especially eye contact. Changing accent and style of speech around other people I think happens a lot with SA. I know I still find myself doing it, and it's probably a side affect of the social anxiety, trying to help us feel like we are fitting in and more comfortable around people. Don't let it distress you too much, as you aren't alone in these SA habits, and when your confidence grows you will find they do become less.

On the dark thoughts you are having at night. Try to recognise these are the minds way of coping with intense emotional pain. Just like other things such as comfort eating, it is the brain trying to escape something that hurts for temporary relief. They can be really distressing, but recognising them for what they are can help reduce how crazy they seem to you and reduce their impact.

I wish you all the best in getting the help you need, and please keep us posted on how you are doing. Hold on in there, things can get better.

[gregarious_introvert]

There's a lot there to digest, Hfm, I seem to have lost track of this thread! I'm not going to address everything right now, largely because I want to re-read and digest, but also because I'm staying somewhere with no wi-fi so using my 'phone (I type better on a laptop keyboard).

I'd be wary of having two different, possibly conflicting, types of therapy at the same time, it may be counter-productive. I've never heard anything good about EFT, but if it works for you (and it's free online, so no financial commitment) that's all that matters. As for your reaction to your last therapy session, that may, once you've processed why you've felt that way, be a positive thing: therapy is supposed to challenge us. It's also worth remembering that not all types of therapy work for everyone - CBT, for example, is rarely effective for neuro diverse people, as it challenges the patient's way of thinking, but is based on neuro typical thought processes. PCT or ACT may be more appropriate (not just for ND people) and there's a book called The Happiness Trap, which I haven't read personally, but have seen recommended many times on this forum.

Meeting and connecting with people is good - all my friends have come from this forum (I say "all", it's a very small number) and live a fair distance from me, but I met one on Sunday evening (the first friend I've met in four months) and it lifted my mood incredibly. Of course, I am twice your age (although one of my friends is the same age as you and we are meeting this week), but I'd be happy to meet and have a chat about things.

Nobody here would judge you: we all have our demons and struggles, this is probably the least judgemental place I've ever found. We don't all agree with each others' lifestyle choices, of course, but we respect that everyone has to find their own path.

Sent from my M2010J19CG using Tapatalk

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by sophie79

You are certainly going through a lot, but you're also doing and trying so much to get better. Give yourself some compassion for fighting like you are. There's also no reason for anyone to judge you here, I hope you can continue to feel okay about posting if it will help you organise your thoughts and bring some comfort.

Some of the things you mention in your first paragraph I have problems with too, especially eye contact. Changing accent and style of speech around other people I think happens a lot with SA. I know I still find myself doing it, and it's probably a side affect of the social anxiety, trying to help us feel like we are fitting in and more comfortable around people. Don't let it distress you too much, as you aren't alone in these SA habits, and when your confidence grows you will find they do become less.

On the dark thoughts you are having at night. Try to recognise these are the minds way of coping with intense emotional pain. Just like other things such as comfort eating, it is the brain trying to escape something that hurts for temporary relief. They can be really distressing, but recognising them for what they are can help reduce how crazy they seem to you and reduce their impact.

I wish you all the best in getting the help you need, and please keep us posted on how you are doing. Hold on in there, things can get better.

Changing accent and voice for me was because I felt unacceptable and unlovable and unlikeable as I am. Too this or too that. Some people had said this to me before so it wasn't like it was completely made up in my head unlike some of my SA worries.

It's good to fit in but not good so that you become an inauthentic social "chameleon" who talks posh with one group and rough with another. That was my kind of problem. I'm really trying to just talk as me now.

I like youe explanation about the dark thoughts coming from the mind. That is a helpful explanation.

Thanks Sophie, I appreciate you.

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

There's a lot there to digest, Hfm, I seem to have lost track of this thread! I'm not going to address everything right now, largely because I want to re-read and digest, but also because I'm staying somewhere with no wi-fi so using my 'phone (I type better on a laptop keyboard).

I'd be wary of having two different, possibly conflicting, types of therapy at the same time, it may be counter-productive. I've never heard anything good about EFT, but if it works for you (and it's free online, so no financial commitment) that's all that matters. As for your reaction to your last therapy session, that may, once you've processed why you've felt that way, be a positive thing: therapy is supposed to challenge us. It's also worth remembering that not all types of therapy work for everyone - CBT, for example, is rarely effective for neuro diverse people, as it challenges the patient's way of thinking, but is based on neuro typical thought processes. PCT or ACT may be more appropriate (not just for ND people) and there's a book called The Happiness Trap, which I haven't read personally, but have seen recommended many times on this forum.

Meeting and connecting with people is good - all my friends have come from this forum (I say "all", it's a very small number) and live a fair distance from me, but I met one on Sunday evening (the first friend I've met in four months) and it lifted my mood incredibly. Of course, I am twice your age (although one of my friends is the same age as you and we are meeting this week), but I'd be happy to meet and have a chat about things.

Nobody here would judge you: we all have our demons and struggles, this is probably the least judgemental place I've ever found. We don't all agree with each others' lifestyle choices, of course, but we respect that everyone has to find their own path.

Sent from my M2010J19CG using Tapatalk

I understand the phone thing. I'm looking forward though to hearing more from you if you have time.

That's cool that you met someone from this forum. It's reassuring to know nobody would judge me although I don't believe it. Not because I think you or Sophie are lying but my brain is SO WORRIED about peoples' judgment. It's absurd really when I think about how this is a number one concern for my mind. It's convinced everybody is judging me negatively in every possible situation. Every type of connection with a human is a place for me to get judged negatively.

I would be happy to meet.

[gregarious_introvert]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

I would be happy to meet.

It's impossible to explain just how much you are going to regret that Just ask the other poor souls from here who have been subjected to my company!

I did actually say more than I thought I would be able to in my last response (until I reached the character limit for Tapatalk, so had to stop abruptly), but I will re-read everything now that I am home and see if there is anything more I might wish to add (if I have time, I'm only here until Tuesday).