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#1
6th February 2014, 13:01
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Censoring myself
This is one particular problem I have, especially with social media,, profile-writing as well as writing posts on this forum, and to a lesser extent email. I keep thinking and censoring myself. Does that sound stupid? will people think this is inconsistent with other things I've said? Will x,y,z be used against me? Will I sound naiive?
I quite often have the problem of writing things out, only to delete and edit several times over. Does anyone else get these problems with censoring themselves? The thing is, it's mentally DRAINING and it causes this take to take a lot more effort than it otherwise would. Likewise, when I don't get messages back, or a positive response my immediate assumption is that I must have done something wrong, I must have offended someone, I must have broken a rule, I must have sounded stupid, they must think I'm a phony, they must think I'm trying too hard, they must have cross-referenced everythnig. I don't know whether this stems from people being hyper-critical and knit-picking of minute details of the way I interact in the past. I also know that reading about little tips, and other details like that makse this problem worse, makes me even more self-conscious of things like this. Can anyone relate to this? 
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#2
6th February 2014, 14:02
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Re: Censoring myself
I think what you're referring to is the process of 'gatekeeping', and it's something everyone undertakes on all different levels of communication. It's traditionally understood as something broadcasters and journalists participate in, whereby particular sources are selected, stories put forward, while others are overlooked, but it can also be understood in the context of more everyday interpersonal communication.
To a certain extent, it's a 'natural' process; it'd be unwise for us to share anything and everything about who we are, think, feel etc. all of the time. When meeting someone new, for example, we'll hold back on particular things and gloss over others - it's not censoring as such, it's more an attempt to present a particular image of ourselves that'll likely result in the 'smoothest' exchange. As we get closer and more comfortable with certain people, that concern becomes less important and we more freely share information that in other circumstances we may keep to ourselves. As Rob said, us SAers will always tend to scrutinise ourselves, try to second guess others' opinions, or outright invent stories as to why something's happened not quite the way we had intended. All I could really recommend is that you try to identify when you're doing such things, and attempt to take a step back to question what evidence you really have to confirm your worries. And if you still feel you've made a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. No one's infallible. Just make a mental note, and congratulate yourself on recognising an area in which you can improve next time.
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#3
6th February 2014, 17:26
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Re: Censoring myself
Hmm this is a bit like analysing what you are saying/going to say in conversations - whether or not it is appropriate or interesting enough etc - so instead you remain quiet in conversations or if you are like me you try to fill the gaps in conversations with humour! Well I don't know if you've heard of David Hamilton or Sean Cooper but in their material they talk about this and introduce this concept of the 3 or 4 second rule - which is to say that if you think of something to say then say it within 3 or 4 seconds otherwise a) you might not say anything at all b)you will think about it too much and not get your words out coherently c)forget what it is that you were thinking about. Obviously it is important to consider what you write on public sites and stuff like job applications but when in casual conversations its less important. So basically its a good thing to think about what you put in some situations but not all, but deciding which situation is the difficult part - less what you actually put IMO
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#4
6th February 2014, 18:27
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Re: Censoring myself
I spend too much time deciding whether or not like something on Facebook, and I tie myself in knots about my posting on here - trying to second guess how things are perceived or how things might upset people.
In the end I try to think - if in doubt 'like', because it's good and positive. And about posting here, so long as posts aren't attacking or badly negative in some way then I should post. I think it's about speaking from the heart and what we truly think. We shouldn't worry about what other's might think because there will always be someone who will think something negative whatever we say. I think it's a question of trying to say the truth of what we are really thinking, rather than what we feel might be the best received response. Even if what we say might ruffle a few feathers or that some might have negative thoughts about us. If it does ruffle feathers we can listen to what the other person says in response - but we don't necessarily have to take it on board if we don't want to.
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#5
6th February 2014, 22:24
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Re: Censoring myself
Quote:
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#6
6th February 2014, 23:48
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Re: Censoring myself
All the time. I avoid even liking or commenting on people's posts, because they get the notification and in my head they'll be like why has he done this or that. I rarely post aswell just because I always think I'm posting too much of this, or too much of that. Never really talk about my life, or just random funny posts etc. because people will think I'm being serious/get the wrong impression of me, and/or I'm not use to it. It's annoying.
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#8
7th February 2014, 03:34
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Re: Censoring myself
Quote:
 But yeah, I get this sometimes as well, I'm typing a message and then its like something in my head goes 'You don't wanna post that' and I delete and close the page 
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