Does anxiety sometimes make you feel like less of an adult?

[biscuits]

My anxiety really holds me back in a few areas of life and at times it makes me feel like less of an adult because it feels like I'm not mentally equipped to handle things in life.

I'm fine in the field of work, but not so much in the field of....well, the rest of life

Does anyone else every experience these feelings? How do you cope with them?

Also anyone who doesn't experience this please feel free to chime in!

[twosocks]

I just wanted to click pineapple

(I think that tells you everything you need to know)

[humphrey]

I could have wrote the same, adult life seems to be some alien concept to me. Relationships, family life, normal adult things are a mystery to me.

[Toxic]

I'm literally no different to when I was 16-17

I sometimes find it odd I'm let loose in a car..or have a job or any other "adult" things

I feel like a child who's somehow been disguised as an adult, I go to work with all the adults and they seem to treat me as one of them

Theres a lot of things I can't really do, or maybe I *can* do them but what someone else would do without thinking about, I spend about 3 weeks panicking.

How do I cope? I don't know, I'm just bumbling along, I've accepted theres a lot of things I don't think I'm mentally equipped for

[Mo34]

^^Yep same here :/

[Dougella]

Yes, particularly as I can't drive and don't have a job, let alone any kind of career.

[roro_1990]

Can't drive, still live at home with parents despite having a child, only manage to earn money from a bit of freelance work...so yeah, definitely feel like an imitation of an adult. I just pray my uselessness as a functioning adult won't ruin my kid's life but I know deep down it will.

[Dougella]

^^ It's difficult to drive if you have bad anxiety, learning to drive and taking the test causes most people atleast some anxiety! It's a practical nuisance aswell .

[Dougella]

^^ The average age to lose your virginity, for both males and females, is 17 in this country, so most 17 year olds don't necessarily have that much experience in that way.

[Dougella]

^ I don't think that's necessarily what matters though is it, it's more the intimacy and connection of a relationship that you probably feel you're missing out on.

[AnxiousExtrovert]

I chose sometimes but it's enough for me to relate with the question. I've also thought the same thing myself, I've felt like a lost kid totally unsure of myself many times.
It's a different feeling to just low on confidence and nervous, it's like a full blown surreal lost feeling where if I was a child I would be crying my eyes out. Strangely enough there were a few times as a young child I got lost from my mum in public and would have a full on panic and tell strangers I've lost my mum. That same feeling as an adult is completely embarrassing though.
For me that is a big part of my anxiety cycle and really crushes and humiliates any confidence and identity I have worked towards to that point.
The idea that I can be adult who may have some respect or image but is then overcome with neuroticism and terror who is totally lost and desperate to talk to someone and get help is extremely humiliating and crushing to me.

[anxiouslondoner]

I don't think I really consider myself a person. I'm not sure what I am, but I don't really identify as anything or anyone. Maybe I have no sense of identity at all, it's all too nebulous a concept.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I earn a living. Which could be better. I pay bills. Which should be less. And I drive a car. Which is fine. After all, you know where you stand with a Ford Fiesta. But I do feel like I never quite graduated into adulthood. It probably didn't help that things didn't go smoothly for me when it mattered. Which then led me to go off script. Instead of following the conventional script of falling in love, getting married and having a family of my own. Not that it's too late for that to happen. But I also recognise the possibility of going too far off script as well. Where one day I might hear the words “Do you Chess&Junkfood take this Hoover to be your lawfully wedded” So I guess my point is, if there is a point, that it's probably better for me to find a balance. Where I try my best to move forward in life when I can, but don't let myself become to inert as well. Or something like that.

[LittleMissMouse]

I really struggle with being a grown up, there is just so much stuff that I struggle with, procrastinate about and just hate doing and I always get a massive fear that I haven't done something right and panic about the consequences of not having done a grown up thing correctly. It's just little things that just spiral out of control into massive worries because I don't really feel qualified to be an actual grown up, I worry about forgetting about a bill and then coming home one day to a court summons or my electricity having been turned off (despite the fact that I'm sure they would send reminders). I hate doing my tax return because of the fear of getting something wrong on it. If I had enough money saved I could happily go and live off grid as a hermit in a little shack in the woods somewhere, but even then I think I'd panic about stuff.

I still think of things that I would like to do one day, when I am a grown up, like having a house, but the grown up part of that, mortgage etc, just seems terrifying. I don't understand how people who are only 25 or so cope with stuff like buying a house. 25 is a long way back in the rear view mirror for me and even now it just scares me.

I don't really like the responsibility of being a grown up, I'm just not cut out for it.

[Consolida]

I drive (albeit nervously), I've worked (in the past), I've lived alone and paid the bills, I'm now married, AND I have a grown up child, but I don't feel remotely like an adult. In my head, I'm forever that awkward self conscious 14 year old accept the hopes and dreams that lay before me back then are now replaced by a lot of sadness and regret, especially when it comes to SA stopping me from pursuing the Nursing career I long ago dreamt of.

I guess my version of an adult has always been of someone who can stand on their own two feet, someone who is fully functioning and financially, practically, and emotionally independent - the very opposite of the needy dependent child in an ageing body that I've become.

It feels that developing SA sort of trapped me in a permanent state of arrested development. I'm forever emotionally stuck at aged 14 - a tween-ager in a decaying adult body.

[Jen.]

I put sometimes. I probably appear quite "grown up" from the outside because I'm self-sufficient and don't have any family near me to rely on. I bought a house when I was 23 and even though I have the occasional panic when I remember that I only have myself to rely on to sort out any problems, it has got less and less frequent over time. Although buying a house doesn't really seem any more or less "adult" than renting a house to me - they both involve spending money, signing forms and entering a contract. The process doesn't feel much different at all.

There are lots of reasons I don't ever want to have children, but I think the main reason is that it's always felt like having children is something that people older than me do. Despite being 30 I still don't feel old enough to have them even though if I did I would be on the older end of the spectrum of first time mothers. When I was in my early 20s I would hear that girls I went to school with were pregnant and think wow that's way too young to be having kids, yet I still feel exactly the same when I hear it about women my age now. It doesn't really feel like any age would be old enough to me. I guess it's the same with driving. I learned how to drive but have never owned a car just because it's always seemed like something people older than me do. I cope pretty well without since I walk everywhere, use public transport or take taxis, so it's not something I feel I need anyway (but this is probably because I've shaped my life around not having one). I'm sure to others it must sound very strange that it feels like owning one is almost out of bounds due to not being old enough even though I'm years older than you need to be to buy one. It's odd, but when I had friends in school who learned to drive and would take me out in their parents' car I never felt that they were too young to be driving.

[Consolida]

^

[Toxic]

I'd add although I can drive

before every lesson I paced up and down the hallway waiting for the guy to turn up and sometimes used to vomit right before he arrived, I also would say the driving test was one of the most anxiety inducing things I've ever done.

I do have a licence but I really dont have any confidence in driving, I don't like venturing off my few roads I know and I won't take anyone anywhere.

My main anxiety problems I guess are driving/phones/relationships/general responsibility. I'm not too bad at my job or dealing with financial things I suppose

[Jam do Bronx]

100%. There are times where I convince myself I'm being a grown up properly, but reality always hits me that I'm actually doing it wrong. A lot of it comes down to how disconnected I am compared to proper adults who are doing proper adult things in their proper adult lives. I'm constantly letting people down because I'm a coward (not with my family, I step up for them every time, I ain't never letting them down). I'm a colossal embarrassment, and I don't mind saying that because it's true.

How do I cope with it? I don't. When you find the answer to that question, holla at me.

[I_love_otters]

Yes and no ……. I do adult things ie have a job, just recently bought my own home and have a grown up daughter however in many ways do still feel childlike, I suppose emotionally stunted would be a good description. The idea of having an adult relationship and everything that encompasses feels like a giant leap off a cliff for me, also having to meet their family and friends and act correctly ie like a “normal” human being
Particularly when I was younger I would look at other people and their interactions and think I one day I’ll be old enough/grown up enough to be in that world and it never genuinely happened, in some ways I’ve never grown up at all. I have had friends, good friends at times over the years but a relationship, any relationship including a friendship feels too hard to maintain and I retreat to a childlike state of just almost ignoring them and hoping they’ll give up but I also don’t want them to give up cos I like them, I just cant cope with them all the time?? Even at work where I actually feel pretty comfortable after many years of ups and downs, I genuinely like the girls I work with, they’re so supportive to each other and me but there’s a little voice in my ear sometimes saying do they REALLY like you, like an evil Jiminy Cricket

[snoo]

Anxiety I'm pretty sure has robbed me of a lot.

I had glimpses of an 'adult' life though as I didn't start suffering until around 21; also had the remnants of a social circle left after that. Never really felt comfortable with it. Social interactions were actually pretty fine on some kind of superficial level; but unlike most others I was unable to develop new friendships. There was like a barrier that I couldn't cross, which I feel was a mixture of either not wanting to get to know someone on a deeper level or not wanting to let someone else know me on a deeper level.

On the good days I could say it doesn't affect me at all, on the bad days it is quite dehabilitating. Sadly memories of the bad days are quite powerful and act as a demotivator to push myself, I fear getting uncontrollable anxiety in public. Still working on that.

[Bored]

I wish there was an adult leading the country

[AutumnLeaves]

God, yes. And to make matters worse, people always act so surprised when they find out how old I am. They always tell me they thought I was younger, or 'like, 18 or something'. Thanks for clarifying that I do come across as clueless as I think I do :-p Many adults seem to have better coping mechanisms, but I have no armour, I beat myself up all the time, and when other people say negative things to me, I am knocked to the ground instantly. It feels so childish and I am ashamed of myself for reacting like that, when others deal with terrible heartache and illness with dignity and resilience.

[blancmange]

100%. I still feel very much stuck at 14ish, which is when my issues all started. I've not had any of the normal life experiences. I still have time to grow up I guess, but I move at a snails pace

[3stacks]

^exactly the same as me, started at 14 too.

It feels weird to not feel like an adult because you haven't done many of the normal life experiences

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[Candleholder]

Yes. I'm 44. I've worked solidly for 25 years. I've lived on my own for longer than I lived with my parents. I should be an adult, but I'm not at all. I think you can only really grow from being around other people, but I've spent most of my adult life alone. Life experiences mean nothing if you don't share them with anybody. I haven't shared much with anyone since I was 22 and I don't feel as though I have developed as a person since then either. It's like the second half of my life just didn't happen.

[mancman71]

Yes. I thought I would have been in a better position in life but I'm barely functioning at work and doing the little chores to get by and moved back home a few years ago. My current situation and my fear for my future terrifies me.

[Messer]

Deleted, realised I quoted someone who doesn' want quoted. Sorry

[Hayman]

I do occasionally feel like a 'child in a man's body', yes.

In the past I've described my life as basically 'stalling' once I left school, which for me was over half a lifetime ago. Sure, I have a job and a driving license but quite literally nothing has progressed since.

I do genuinely feel 'lost' and foreign talking to those of not only my age, but those a decade younger than myself now. The lack of lifetime experiences has gone from being quite marked in my early 20's to going beyond a gulf as I enter my late 30's.

[Sunrise]

I feel like this, but I also get treated like a child a lot by other people.

A lot of people seem to assume I have learning difficulties or some sort of "issue". I tend to come across as very immature, childlike and not very bright. I'm in a weird situation that I've aged really badly physically but haven't aged at all mentally. I'm in my mid-30s although most people assume I'm at least mid-40s, yet personality wise I come across like an adolescent.

I think it's partly why people think I'm so weird because I look like a middle aged man but come across like a child. I think there's a lot more to it than anxiety though, and it certainly isn't an irrational fear.

In some ways I am quite capable of certain adult things, but I think the fact I'm seen by others in such a way affects my thinking. It's very frustrating as I often feel like I need to prove myself. I often feel like I'm instantly being written off based on initial impressions and am possible more capable than a lot of people realise.