Depressed or just happier alone?

[scarlettgirl]

I don't know if this is a symptom of depression or not, but I just don't feel motivated to be social with people. I seem to have a better time being alone. I have a lot of solitary hobbies like writing and drawing, and the usual stuff like watching netflix. And then when I do force myself to be social i just end up feel anxious and counting down the hours until I can leave.

Is this very normal? I feel guilty for not wanting to spend so much time with friends or family, and I'm not in any relationship right now either, so it's hard to even meet someone because of this antisocial feeling. I don't even care about a relationship tbh. I just wonder how healthy it is. If you feel content enough by yourself is it okay? I don't necessarily have a bad time hanging out with people, I'd just prefer to be alone.

Lately I find myself more anxious about simple stuff like going to the shop etc. so maybe its making me more anxious subconsciously? I just wonder how other people feel about it all.

[3stacks]

Sounds like you're just an introvert and enjoy your own company which is perfectly fine.

[MoonBear]

I don’t know if it is directly associated with depression, or other mental health issues, but I am the same, Scarlettgirl. I am quite happy with just my own company, I live alone and have really minimal interactions with other people in the real world. I haven’t really experienced much SA lately, but that it because I have learnt what causes my SA so have removed myself from those situations in a self preservation way. Just imagining now, if I was surrounded by my family/people I know my SA would come flooding back.

The longer you spend alone indoors the harder it will feel when you have to go out for shopping, or whatever. I think normal people would experience the same feelings, but just not to do with something simple like leaving the house

Hope this makes sense, haven't been awake long so not thinking that clearly, but I can relate to what you said

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

Is this very normal? I feel guilty for not wanting to spend so much time with friends or family, and I'm not in any relationship right now either, so it's hard to even meet someone because of this antisocial feeling. I don't even care about a relationship tbh. I just wonder how healthy it is. If you feel content enough by yourself is it okay? I don't necessarily have a bad time hanging out with people, I'd just prefer to be alone

It’s weird that we feel guilty about this. No one ever asks the opposite (why can’t you ever be alone? Why are you so intrusive? Why do you need to be around people so much? etc). The key question (and it’s one I ask myself) is whether you avoid people out of fear and shame or whether you simply enjoy being alone. I am convinced some people are born introverts and some extroverts. Still, even an introvert needs some social contact, and when they are afraid they convince themselves they hate everyone or get nothing out of socialising. I know one thing for sure though, I would MUCH rather be on my own than spend time with people I dislike or who make me feel worse.

[Toxic]

Ahhh

This is very much me.

I have no desire to go out, I very rarely have any desire to be social..I have even less desire to make new friends or find a partner.

However I feel I really "should" do at least some of the above and when I spend all weekend hibernating from the real world I sometimes feel I've wasted my free time. The times I do go out and be social, well I overthink everything, get anxious and half the time think I should probably have just stayed at home on my todd

Because I've got used to staying inside so much (apart from going to work) it has actually made me start overthinking silly little things out the blue and I'll start panicking that I might need to go to tesco in the next few days..or I'm gonna need petrol (I hate that one, I have to go at stupid times incase I mess it up and less people can see me!) I never used to overthink simple things and now it puts me off doing anything outside of work due to freaking out about something insignificant to anyone else.

It's all very weird, I don't know if I'm just apathetic, anti-social or depressed. I've just spent another weekend on my own playing video games, on one hand I really should have been more productive..on the other hand I haven't exactly had a bad time, nothings gone wrong and I haven't done anything awkward!

[Tom1985]

Whatever I do I feel as if I should be doing something else.
I really do wonder wtf my life is all about.
I cant focus on anything without feeling distracted.
It's the same old story. Sick of it.
Don't even know what I want out of life.
Days go by, months go by, years go by.
Really don't see any point or meaning.
I honestly don't ever feel any happiness.
I'm not a wild, screaming emotional wreck, just an anxious, numb, miserable guy.
I've thought about suicide in my life but just wouldn't put my family through it.
What is life without purpose, fun, enjoyment. what is the point?
I'm so fed up of it all.

[Tom1985]

It's so exhausting. I don't know what to say or do anymore.

[Orwell20]

Low level depression (the sort you aren’t really aware of) probably plays a part, robbing you of energy, pleasure, motivation, etc. Age can also play a big part. Since I turned 40, I just don’t want to go anywhere. I can’t be bothered. God has played a sick joke on me. Once I reached my late 30s, my SA massively reduced, to the point where I could almost lead a normal life. But it’s too ****ing late. My libido is virtually non-existent, my energy levels are through the floor and in truth I never want to leave the house. I can’t be bothered with anything. Relationships, sex, careers...everything just seems like a massive hassle. Whoever stated that life begins at 40 said the most tasteless, unfunny thing ever.

[Batman1973]

I've just signed up on here, it really is heartening knowing how many other people are totally saying what I'm feeling. I really identify with you thaifoodparadise and Tonkin.

I've realised that I really do enjoy people's company, but it has to be the right sort of people, in other words, people who I can converse with. If not then I feel utterly awful and that I've "failed". I've also always done your Irish goodbyes which I did again a few days ago, leaving a wedding where I felt that I'd had a series of bad interactions and I just wanted to go home without awkward goodbyes with people who frankly would not miss me at all.

But like you Tonkin, I also seem to need to go away to recharge. I've just split from my girlfriend who at points was totally socially draining me, and my brain just seemed to shut down and I went into a kind of depression and I needed days on my own to recharge again.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I can relate to what you are saying SG. There was a time when I hardly went out at all and just going out seemed like a colossal task. I have improved since then, but even now I still feel like I have to push myself to go out. Otherwise I feel like I might revert back to how anxious I once was. So for me finding a balance in staying home and going out is important.

[Tom1985]

I just don't have the ability to talk for hours on end. I need to have a focal point.

[genovese]

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

If you feel content enough by yourself is it okay?

Content enough as in, waking up and eager to pursue your day, then yeh, I think that's a perfectly okay way to be.

You do have to be honest with yourself though. It's very easy to morph into the mindset of 'I prefer to be alone' when, in actuality, it's more of a coping mechanism.
If you can convince your brain you prefer to be alone, it becomes a soothing state of mind.

But if you continue to feel low, depressed, empty, then I don't think it is ok.
Because that shows you do want connections, interactions.
And some (ugh) meaning in ya life.

Originally Posted by Moksha

, I would MUCH rather be on my own than spend time with people I dislike or who make me feel worse.

Yep that is so so important

I really like this quote : Trust everyone but always cut the cards

"Have a general faith in the good intentions of others, but never neglect to take appropriate precautions against being deceived or cheated"
(Wiki explained it better than I could )

Very difficult to do that though once you get very battle scarred.

I think hope is important. If you have hope you still give a shit.
Not having hope is a catalyst to depression. I'm not convinced it's the other way around.

This ain't a bad write up
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/b...4/finding-hope

[AnxiousExtrovert]

I think people put too much emphasis on defining if they are introvert or extrovert. There is definitely some differences in peoples personalities like creative sides and aggressive etc. But I think the vast majority of people are social because we need that human interaction , affection, love etc.

When people dont like doing certain social things or being around certain people I dont necessarily think that makes someone an introvert. It probably means they havent found the right company or interests yet.
But ofcourse to lots of people who consider it cool or normal to be socialising and having lots of "friends" they barely know then yes its considered introverted.

I personally find it very draining being around atmospheres or people where its like a forced thing to be outgoing or assertive. Not always but often it feels like a competition to be noticed or relevent the most. I was going to say the conversations are usually horrible for me but its actually more the vibe I pick up on most where everyone is analyzing each other and working out where they fit in. Its very false to me and I often feel like the shy one or outsider.
Im definitely not always shy or timid but I think my SA revolves around those types of atmospheres because I feel like I have to be self conscious of how everyone is judging my value or worth by how relevant you are in the particular social setting. It feels like I cant switch off because people are forming perceptions on me over the most petty trivial things.

[scarlettgirl]

Thanks for the responses everyone. This has been so helpful and food for thought. The guilt aspect is what annoys me more than anything, like that pressure that I should be doing something more, whatever that is! The weekends can feel depressing for that reason, when you see people walking about being social, and I’m just stuck in my house.

Maybe a factor is that I’ve convinced myself I’m happier this way because socialising feels so daunting, and that’s what I’m most afraid of.