Getting confused about peoples thoughts or actions

[Invisible]

Does anyone ever feel confused or like you've done something wrong when people change their mind or the situation suddenly changes from what was planned? I'll give a few recent examples...

Today my bf came over for dinner. It got to about 10pm and he asked me if I was tired. I said that I was a little bit - I have a cold and have been at work, so don't feel 100%, but feel ok. He immediately got up, got ready to go home and asked me to drive him to the bus stop instead of all the way home because I said I was a little bit tired.
It just made me confused and question myself - had I done or said something wrong? Why did he want to leave so suddenly? Why didn't he want me to drive him all the way home - is he embarassed of me infront of his housemates?

A couple of weeks ago I was going to meet my mum & dad. I called my mum just before leaving the house and she told me that we were no longer going to meet up because her and my dad had had a little arguement and he wasn't going now and because he was driving she was no longer able to go. I suggested that she could get the bus to meet me but she declined as it was quite far to travel.
So, I was left thinking that maybe she didn't really want to meet me or that I had done or said something wrong. I even thought maybe I had caused the arguement.

Last weekend I stayed over at my boyfriends house but soon after we woke up in the morning he suggested that to make the most of the time I should go home and tidy up at my houseshare and at the same time he could tidy up at his houseshare.
I immediately felt a bit rejected and thought maybe he wanted me out of the house before any of his housemates knew I stayed. Maybe I had done or said something wrong. It seemed a bit pointless for me to have stayed over when he wanted me to leave so early/suddenly.


I try to please everybody but find it exhausting and confusing when things change. Anyone relate or have any advice?

[endo_endo]

i can relate but have no advice sorry

[ArkoN]

Originally Posted by Invisible

Does anyone ever feel confused or like you've done something wrong when people change their mind or the situation suddenly changes from what was planned? I'll give a few recent examples...

Today my bf came over for dinner. It got to about 10pm and he asked me if I was tired. I said that I was a little bit - I have a cold and have been at work, so don't feel 100%, but feel ok. He immediately got up, got ready to go home and asked me to drive him to the bus stop instead of all the way home because I said I was a little bit tired.
It just made me confused and question myself - had I done or said something wrong? Why did he want to leave so suddenly? Why didn't he want me to drive him all the way home - is he embarassed of me infront of his housemates?

A couple of weeks ago I was going to meet my mum & dad. I called my mum just before leaving the house and she told me that we were no longer going to meet up because her and my dad had had a little arguement and he wasn't going now and because he was driving she was no longer able to go. I suggested that she could get the bus to meet me but she declined as it was quite far to travel.
So, I was left thinking that maybe she didn't really want to meet me or that I had done or said something wrong. I even thought maybe I had caused the arguement.

Last weekend I stayed over at my boyfriends house but soon after we woke up in the morning he suggested that to make the most of the time I should go home and tidy up at my houseshare and at the same time he could tidy up at his houseshare.
I immediately felt a bit rejected and thought maybe he wanted me out of the house before any of his housemates knew I stayed. Maybe I had done or said something wrong. It seemed a bit pointless for me to have stayed over when he wanted me to leave so early/suddenly.


I try to please everybody but find it exhausting and confusing when things change. Anyone relate or have any advice?

i can relate. i always think the same. the best advice i can give to you is. have you ever done anything like that before? i bet you have, its normal, we just think the worst of everything thats all.

[Dounia]

This all sounds pretty normal. I think it's because we are oversensitive!
I too really want people to do what they say they will, even though I can't manage 100% myself to do what I promise, I do think I'm pretty reliable. Yet we are all entitled to change our minds. It's also an appreciation of honesty and liking to know where you stand.

[Lindalino]

Your mum and dad's argument was not your fault, and your boyfriend is odd to be treating you like a distant relative/family friend rather than the lovely girlfriend that he loves. You sound completely normal and nice. It's the world that is mad.

L

[black_mamba]

I can relate to what you say Invisible. You say you try to please everyone and that was my mistake too - when you let go of that and realise that many things are out of your control you will feel better. I guarantee it.

Originally Posted by Invisible

Today my bf came over for dinner. It got to about 10pm and he asked me if I was tired. I said that I was a little bit - I have a cold and have been at work, so don't feel 100%, but feel ok. He immediately got up, got ready to go home and asked me to drive him to the bus stop instead of all the way home because I said I was a little bit tired.
It just made me confused and question myself - had I done or said something wrong? Why did he want to leave so suddenly? Why didn't he want me to drive him all the way home - is he embarassed of me infront of his housemates?

I've felt this a million times, second guessing partners and feeling unwanted. To me it looks like he made a slightly abrupt departure but for your benefit because you were ill? In that situation I typically do ask for reassurance that I haven't upset my boyfriend as he can be a little cryptic at times and it is only fair that between boyfriend and girlfriend you can ask them anything.

A couple of weeks ago I was going to meet my mum & dad. I called my mum just before leaving the house and she told me that we were no longer going to meet up because her and my dad had had a little arguement and he wasn't going now and because he was driving she was no longer able to go. I suggested that she could get the bus to meet me but she declined as it was quite far to travel.
So, I was left thinking that maybe she didn't really want to meet me or that I had done or said something wrong. I even thought maybe I had caused the arguement.

If you put yourself in her shoes it is very likely that she was just feeling upset over the argument and didn't want to be angry and upset around you or felt a little anti-social. I've done this before, not gone out due to arguments and been very honest about it with my friends. I think the general idea is that if you've had a really rough argument with someone you love it's going to put you in a stressy bad mood for hours so people give you the benefit of the doubt.

Last weekend I stayed over at my boyfriends house but soon after we woke up in the morning he suggested that to make the most of the time I should go home and tidy up at my houseshare and at the same time he could tidy up at his houseshare.
I immediately felt a bit rejected and thought maybe he wanted me out of the house before any of his housemates knew I stayed. Maybe I had done or said something wrong. It seemed a bit pointless for me to have stayed over when he wanted me to leave so early/suddenly.

Yeah I'd have felt the same in that situation. I'd have asked for reassurance that everything was OK between us. Maybe he is having some problems himself that he hasn't mentioned?