Anger problems

[alpha]

Anybody else suffer from this? For me it's been a problem that's just crept up on me over a number of years. It's based on nothing but pure frustration regarding the way I feel like my physical health problems limit me in life combined with more frustration about how I feel like I've tried really hard at various points in my life relating to both work and relationships and still come out pretty much empty handed.

Now I'm almost always on the verge of explosion, I'm not physically violent I may add, but I do a lot of shouting and swearing (at myself a lot of the time), hitting walls, etc. Right now the only thing holding me back is the considerable amount of Valium I've taken in combination with two different sleeping tablets. I advise anyone against doing the same thing by the way, it can be dangerous. But to be honest I know what I'm doing and how much I can handle.

In a way I wish I could just cry instead of get angry, but I also feel like crying is more disruptive and attention seeking (it isn't but it's just a deep rooted thinking pattern of mine). Admittedly another thinking pattern I have is that crying shows weakness (once again it doesn't).

Anyway, as I said, just wondering if anybody else gets anything similar and how they deal with it. Because I know Valium ultimately isn't the answer.

[Dougella]

Sometimes depression does turn into anger and frustration, I know I used to get very hostile and snappy when I was depressed. I didn't want anyone to say anything to me and I used to be very sarcastic and negative.

[Mellie]

Sorry alpha didn’t mean to make this post about myself asked mods to delete their replies as I don’t want everyone to see it.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by skittles88

Sorry alpha didn’t mean to make this post about myself asked mods to delete their replies as I don’t want everyone to see it.

It's fine I have no problem with your post or replies. As already said by others I think you have to stop doing what others have mentioned immediately, aside from it just being wrong it can't be making you feel good about yourself either. But I understand you are suffering.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Raks1981

^ how you feeling today Alpha?

I'm OK, thanks for asking , I've had a couple of "moments" today but nothing too bad thankfully. Sorry I have been meaning to reply to your other post...

Originally Posted by Raks1981

Could you give more detail of your health problems? I'm sorry but I haven't been around long enough to have seen your previous posts (if you discussed your health in the past).

Chronic pain, facial and head pain mainly but sometimes elsewhere too, I get it 24 hours per day although the severity of it goes up and down. I only call it a "physical" health problem to distinguish it from mental health. I don't have a physical disability as such, although the pain and fear of flare ups can often be quite disabling.

Originally Posted by Raks1981

^^ I am sorry to hear about your feelings of frustration and anger. I've been there myself in the past, but I'm much better now. Due to accepting things. (I still have my bad days, but there are significantly less of them than in the past, and I'm less vocal about it - since many people will not know what to say).

Thanks for your kind words. Acceptance would help me too I think, I mean accepting the way things are right now without being resigned to things never changing. I think a big part of my problem is about control. I've felt like the state of my life is out of my control for a long time, and I've developed maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with this perception. I mean like overuse of painkillers which helps in the short term (thus giving me the perception of control) but just makes chronic pain worse in the medium-long term. I've only really come to my senses about me having a problem related to control in the past few days. And admitting it to myself has been helping, I've been mostly avoiding painkillers for example. And I've been a bit less angry for it.

Originally Posted by Raks1981

If relationships are a source of frustration, then I think taking a break from it might do you good. Don't put yourself in a situation where feeling angry is a possible outcome.

I did in fact do that for several years! Recently I decided I'd had enough of that and wanted to start looking again. I ended up seeing someone for about 3 months, it ended in a similar way to how almost all of my relationships have ended (getting dumped and issues like clinginess or jealousy given as the reason. I have attachment anxiety issues, I know I do, and I am working on them. But I know a fair few people who are far more clingy or jealous than I generally get, yet they mostly seem to have all found someone for long-term.

Originally Posted by Raks1981

Could you share more about your work situation?

There isn't one, I haven't worked mainly because of the chronic pain (although SA and general mental health hasn't helped either) for years. Getting some sort of income, whether it be through self employment or part time work would make me a lot happier and less frustrated. So it's something I'm working towards. Although having been out of work for so long, I'm fully aware it's not going to be easy by any means.

[Mr. Nobody]

have you tried vigorous exercise Alpha?
that can be good for channelling aggression in a healthy way,

I'm sure if your body was exhausted by vigorous exercise on a regular basis you'd find your aggression lessening quite a bit.
I'm sure jogging and running in particular can help dispel anger to a degree.

I think the issue is that we get frustrated by certain situations,.
maybe from low self-esteem or being too reluctant to speak out,.. we put up with certain situations that someone would naturally react and respond to,.
but we possibly just keep things inside to avoid conflict,.
but your bodies' mechanisms and your psychological responses have already kicked in,
you have stifled them to avoid conflict,.
but that energy still wants to move, those chemicals have already been released,. that tension in the body is still there,
you wanted to respond to a provocation from someone, but as you prefer to avoid conflict and try to remain calm, your body cannot release those reactions, those chemicals, that tension.

over time, I think this frustration can mount up and cause a somewhat permanent change in your general mood and psyche.

but it's because we are not consciously trying to cathart all these toxins out and release them from our system.

if you channel these frustrations through exercise,. maybe your body can attain some kind of psychological de-tox from past issues of pent-up frustration?

there's also some techniques for doing this consciously,. deliberately,
it was known as 'Dynamic Meditation'. it's basically a way of systematically releasing all your body's pent-up anger and madness and releasing it, so you can eventually just sit peacefully.

https://improveyourbrainpower.org/wh...ic-meditation/

[alpha]

Originally Posted by DiamonD

I
I tend to let out a lot of my frustration when i'm gaming. You can usually find me swearing away most arvos with a game of Mario Kart. And there's nothing like a good old beat em up to let out that frustration. My Mother is always saying to me "I hope people don't think that you're swearing at me" when i'm gaming

I remember I used to play the original Mario Kart when I was a kid and I'd say it was a source of frustration, I'd regularly be shouting and swearing at the console screen after something like falling off the Rainbow Road at the last corner before the finish line . But if you find it helpful that's great, I agree that anything that allows you to vent (without harming others) is great.

[alpha]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

have you tried vigorous exercise Alpha?

that can be good for channelling aggression in a healthy way,



I'm sure if your body was exhausted by vigorous exercise on a regular basis you'd find your aggression lessening quite a bit.

I'm sure jogging and running in particular can help dispel anger to a degree.

Yeah thanks for the suggestion, it's something I should start doing again. I already do a lot of dog walking, like 60 mins+ per day. But it's true that rigorous exercise would probably be more helpful.

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

I think the issue is that we get frustrated by certain situations,.

maybe from low self-esteem or being too reluctant to speak out,.. we put up with certain situations that someone would naturally react and respond to,.

but we possibly just keep things inside to avoid conflict,.

but your bodies' mechanisms and your psychological responses have already kicked in,

you have stifled them to avoid conflict,.

but that energy still wants to move, those chemicals have already been released,. that tension in the body is still there,

you wanted to respond to a provocation from someone, but as you prefer to avoid conflict and try to remain calm, your body cannot release those reactions, those chemicals, that tension.



over time, I think this frustration can mount up and cause a somewhat permanent change in your general mood and psyche.

Yep once again I agree with all of that, for me it's a range of issues (like some of those I've already mentioned above) which causes the frustration to build.

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

there's also some techniques for doing this consciously,. deliberately,

it was known as 'Dynamic Meditation'. it's basically a way of systematically releasing all your body's pent-up anger and madness and releasing it, so you can eventually just sit peacefully.

Thanks again for the suggestion, I'm going to look into this, I've done a fair amount of meditation before but not the type you mention.