Has anyone every commented about how anxious you are/look?

[newbs16]

Has anyone every commented about how nervous/anxious you are or look?

[kirbycrackle]

Yes. ' don't look so worried' or ' are you alright' ( X 100 usually if I'm in quiet mode ) are the more frequent ones.

[Rianne]

Yes. And doesn't it make you feel a thousand times worse. 'Don't look so worried' is one that really grates with me. I wasn't looking worried, I didn't think, but I certainly will be now that you have highlighted the issue!!!


Actually, I get told I look 'stuck up' and aloof a lot of the time. That hacks me off as well.

[Gomen]

Originally Posted by Animal mother

Yes. ' don't look so worried' or ' are you alright' ( X 100 usually if I'm in quiet mode ) are the more frequent ones.

Yes I get this at work all the time.

[Dougella]

Yes often. A tutor at college once remarked that I looked as if I thought a bomb was about to go off or something.

[Oddity]

Only once, and it was a year or two back, my neighbour said "Are you all right?" when she was confronting me about something that wasn't a big deal.

[newbs16]

Thanks to everyone that has responded to this.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

I remember the first thing my ex's dad said to me was, "Well, you look absolutely terrified". Used to be told all the time that I didn't need to be so scared, and still get it pretty often. Weirdly though, I seem to have replaced looking frightened with inane grinning because I get told I look happy quite a lot now, usually when I'm actually deep in anxiety.

[Omar Little]

Used to happen a fair bit in my early twenties, back when I had a social circle and would go places. I thought I'd stopped appearing that way until quite recently when I was on a course and a number of people made direct comments to me about how 'quiet' I was or how 'nervous' I looked at certain times. Alright, mun, you don't need to bloody tell me that, I know!

[newbs16]

A stranger passed comment today saying I looked "Nervy", I don't think she meant it in a nasty way but it did upset me a bit, or should I say a lot.

[girlinterrupted]

Yes,especially if I blush. I don`t know why but people seem to think commenting,often loudly `awww don`t blush` or `don`t be embarrassed` or `are you ok? what`s wrong,you look like a beetroot` (<actual quote I got one time) is supposed to help the blush recede? Um...yes,because having even more attention drawn to you is very useful

Ugh I`m having one of those hot-yet-cold shuddery things come over me just remembering.

[Jane Doe]

^ Yes, and the people who pointed that out to you probably think that they have excellent social skills! I blush very easily too; it's something I've never been able to control.

When I was younger I was often told that l looked nervous, which made me feel exposed and vulnerable. I now have a 'poker face', which comes with its own set of problems... Men have often accused me of being too quiet, not smiling enough and even being a man-hater. I don't think that I'm rude, I'm just neutral towards them, and that seems to get their backs up. From what I've observed, the women who seem to get the best out of men know how to use their 'feminine wiles', but that makes me feel uncomfortable. Due to my extreme shyness as a teenager, I never learnt to flirt, so even if I wanted to communicate with men in that way, I wouldn't know where to start!

[girlinterrupted]

^ I think quite a lot of people mistake outgoing or even loud for equalling good social skills- to me tactless does not good social skills make

I second-guess myself so much if I let my brain go there that during any conversation I`ll think `oh,I`m smiling too much` *adjusts face` `now you look miserable` *adjusts face* `now everyone can see it`s as fake as it feels` ...`I`m talking too much` *shuts up* `well now it`s an awkward silence,quick say something`...`make eye contact you look shifty` `great now I look like I`m in some sort of stare off`....basically it can be a nightmare that never ends. The best way I`ve found to date of dealing with it has been to consciously not think about myself,ask about the other person to get them talking and concentrate on listening to their replies so I can ask a follow up. If I don`t do that I end up a wreck who feels unnatural no matter what stance I take,how I`m sitting,god it`s not uncommon to have an ongoing argument internally about blinking too much vs not blinking enough. It really is exhausting at times

[Mr. Nobody]

I get told to cheer up a lot,
Stress just makes me want to sleep, so I probably just look tired more than nervous
Neighbours have shouted at me as I go from my car to my house "for God's sake cheer up"
Sometimes they shout "SMILE!" - yes, thanks for that amazing advice Mrs CJ Jung
A group of women in my work stopped me in the office one day and took me to task over not smiling enough and apparently looking annoyed all the time,
It just came across as victimisation and bullying, - it was just plain nasty and upset me quite a bit,
especially as I've always steered clear of office staff and keep to myself,
so I couldn't really see how it was such a big issue for them, big enough to drag me in and subject me to that 5 minute insult session basically

[Coffee]

Not any more I'm largely recovered, but in the past when I would attempt exposure, yes quite often.

[Jane Doe]

Originally Posted by Carbon(cycle)Fodder

Neighbours have shouted at me as I go from my car to my house "for God's sake cheer up"
Sometimes they shout "SMILE!" - yes, thanks for that amazing advice Mrs CJ Jung
A group of women in my work stopped me in the office one day and took me to task over not smiling enough and apparently looking annoyed all the time,
It just came across as victimisation and bullying, - it was just plain nasty and upset me quite a bit,
especially as I've always steered clear of office staff and keep to myself

It's a shame when others don't respect your boundaries when you are just minding your own business. People can be so clueless and idiotic, especially if they think that their behaviour is more socially acceptable.

Do men tell you to smile too, or is it just women? I'm not surprised you felt victimised when confronted in that way, especially by a group of women! In my experience, females are the worst psychological tormentors and can be very difficult to deal with.

[hollowone]

Depends whether it's a total stranger or someone I'm acquainted with. The latter I don't mind and if anyitng welcome. The former, I'm inclined to tell them that it's inappropriate, that I don't feel comfortable talking about itt, that I don't know you.

[newbs16]

^^ Swirly motions as if you are crazy?? Some people are so rude

[newbs16]

^

[sensitivesoul]

I've had comments as I'm not great at hiding it. I LOOK anxious Some people I've found feel anxiety but don't look it and can self project themselves better.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Danica

It's a shame when others don't respect your boundaries when you are just minding your own business. People can be so clueless and idiotic, especially if they think that their behaviour is more socially acceptable.

Do men tell you to smile too, or is it just women? I'm not surprised you felt victimised when confronted in that way, especially by a group of women! In my experience, females are the worst psychological tormentors and can be very difficult to deal with.

i think men have told me to cheer up but i think i had naively imagined that women would have been more caring and generally more accepting so my usual defences were down
im against playing the victim but i admit it can catch me out sometimes and now and then that kind of taunting leaves me shaken and quite upset
thankfully its not an everyday occurence otherwise id probably do time for these mutts

[Quicksand]

Yeah - i get the 'aloof' and 'stuck up' assumption around my bit. hacks me off no end.

[humphrey]

Yes, my sister can tell straight away, and she does point it out in a helpful way. But if a stranger pointed it out, I would be mortified and make a very hasty exit.

[Lunatik]

I had been out of work a while and decided to try my hand at a chefs course at college, thinking ah cooking is easy. I was so wrong. The lecturer said to me "calm down, your such a nervous wreck" as I was doing multiple things at once. I used to be such a level headed person, before my breakdown.

[steph26]

Yes many times, especially when you get complete strangers telling you to smile more, or worse when they say you look like you've got the world on your shoulders. I hate that, I wish people would mind their own business, anything could have happened to me to give me the worried look.

[Mr. Spaceman]

Lots when I was younger when my mouth would just seize up if someone spoke to me and the physical shaking was a real problem . Comments like "What's wrong with you? You're young you should be having fun" or just staring at me with a smirk on their face. Now I'm older I'm on Propanolol so don't shake so much for one but nobody seems to care anymore if I look anxious anyway.

[Jane Doe]

Originally Posted by jinny

I put the bullying down to being Northern & the great store Northerners put in being loud and funny and opinionated. I think I'd fair better somewhere more gentile, or diverse.
I always think Northerners expect more from you socially

I'm Northern and I think you're right about that - they can be quite intimidating. Northeners are supposedly very friendly (I generally find them over familiar), which may be true if you are similar to them, but if you are quiet or different in any way, they can become hostile. It's probably a class issue too; people who live in poorer areas tend to interact in a more aggressive and direct manner because they want to gain the 'respect' of their peers.

I grew up in a small, quiet village but unfortunately I can't afford to live there anymore and now live in social housing. It's not really a bad place to live - especially if you keep to yourself - but I'd love to go back to the countryside.

[Kipper]

Yes I get this at work from time to time too.Sometimes on occasions when I'm actually not feeling too bad, so heaven knows what I must look like when the anxiety is really crunching me up. The other comment that crops up is along the lines of 'are you alright? You look really red in the face!' That comment has been delivered to me when I've NOT felt red in the face. So what must I look when I DO feel red? I know that people mean well but, dear Lord, I wish they just keep quiet some times. I just want to crawl away and disappear.

[.Andrew.]

Yes!

this has happened quit a few times, but the situation that still sticks out is getting my haircut a few years back now and the shop was crowded..I had sat in the "hot seat" and she started cutting my hair and there were people behind watching in the big mirror. I could feel my face starting to flush and I felt very anxious and self-conscious! tried to look down and hope it went away but the feelings became more intense and I glanced at myself in the mirror and I even saw how anxious I looked. She stopped half way through the cut and said "you looked terrified in a sort of unsympathetic way" people behind were staring at me, god knows what they were thinking. I was so relieved to get out!

I now cut my own hair most of the time.

[newbs16]

^ Thank you for your reply. I often get don't look so worried, I was happy enough until you kindly pointed this out lol