Is it shallow to judge people if they are poorly dressed?

[sygma]

In high school, I used to think that people should only be judged on personality. I used to be a bit 'ugly' and awkward but I was fairly tidy in my appearance. Some people told me I needed to sharpen up (rightly so) although they didn't all say this in the best manner possible. Then a few years ago, I realized the importance of looking after the way you look and being presentable. Now I find that once I've got to know new people, I am myself more inclined to become acquaintances/casual friends with them if they are well dressed assuming other things are the same. Does this make me shallow?

I think its key to give every person you meet a chance and talk to them regardless of appearance though. If I get along with someone I wouldn't care at all what they look like, so long as they were tidy. I would gently advise them but if they decide not to follow, no biggie. But most people I meet tend to be more of the acquaintances/casual friends sort who I dont really connect with (and vice versa), so I might as well choose the presentable ones?

[ithinkiamlost]

I understand how easy it is to judge people by how they dress. I was always told that people who dress smartly and take pride in their appearance are better people.

My real world experience doesn't back that up. I have met people who dress almost like tramps but have been some of the nicest and intelligent people I have every known. I have also met people who dress smartly and have been very nasty and shallow.

I think you have to give people a chance, no matter what they look like, and get to know them.

[thaigreen]

^ agreed

Some of the nicest people I've ever met have been really scruffy looking, but they have nothing to lose.

Most well dressed people can be up their own ass

[MLP James]

My parents always told me that I should be presentable, and they stressed this point far more than being polite, kind, or friendly. I've always wondered why it was so important that others were pleased with the way I looked. I think my mother is always more concerned about being embarrassed of me than anything else.

I don't think it's a bad thing to care about how you look, but no-one should be judged for something like that. It's not really fair to think badly of someone just because you have higher standards than them, some people just don't care that much, and that's fine.

What exactly is 'presentable' anyway? Am I supposed to wear a tuxedo? Just having clean clothes is enough for me.

[buttonlane]

Maybe you just have high standards and rules that you adhere to. Its natural to judge people by your standards, we all do it. It's good that you have become conscious of it, because you can catch yourself in the act. Often we think the world should conform to our rules and standards. Thats not always a healthy way to think.

I live in Chavs ville. I sometimes find myself judging people but I catch myself doing it now. Being judgemental is natural, its what we do to keep safe. Especially if you have SA. You don't want to be that person who looks down on everyone though. Much like you dont want to be that person who constantly criticises and judges yourself.

Sometimes you just have to accept thats who the person is and its where there at in their life at the moment. How you dress and present yourself to the world can say alot about you, but it doesnt say everything. Being judgemental about people you dont know takes up alot of head room, we have a habit of projecting our life frustrations onto people, making others scapegoat for things we don't like about ourselves.

[Tembo]

I think its very shallow. People should be judged on personality alone.

I don't like hearing people judging others simply because of the clothes they wear. This is why I hate the fashion industry.

With my job interview soon, I will be wearing my suit, as I want to do everything I can to make a good impression. Yes, despite all I said about judging others by clothes lol. It shouldn't be that way, and we should all just be able to wear what we want without worrying that others will treat you differently because of it. Its the shallow world we live in.

Originally Posted by thaigreen

Most well dressed people can be up their own ass

Indeed. Just have a walk around Canary Wharf or the City of London - full of smartly dressed people up their own ass

[ßazza]

Its ignorant thats for sure. A poor use for the gift of life.

Not to mention that I have had great conversations with people who I suppose others might consider poorly dressed.. The homeless and such. God knows that iv had more informed and appreciative conversations with some of these people than I could ever imagine having with an average politician in a suit. Though theres obviously no reason to judge someone in a suit or 'better' dressed either unless either types of well dressed or naked people give me reason to be cautious.

However society spins one way so imo its not really shallow to follow certain customs to better fit in on occasion. I dont consider it wrong to be attracted to people or show appreciation, its human nature. I also have no issue being attractive, through by extension what I am wearing to present myself. Just keep conscious of your feelings and be aware of whats going on in your mind when feeling better dressed (emphasis on the word 'better' as a whole.) than someone else. Great deal of the time people miss the point completely because they think they have more monetary worth/look better/more attractive. Its a limiting perception imo. Most certainly ignorant.

End day people use clothes and how they dress to manipulate the perceptions of other people who hold merit to such things. (Something people are very eagerly willing to be fooled by.) Be cautious to that too. Be open minded to those who cant afford such clothes who may actually have more to offer, be conversation, personality, friendship, etc.

[Amber Fyre]

I don't really know what 'well dressed' and 'poorly dressed' means to be honest...

By 'poorly dressed' do you mean people who don't follow the latest fashions, or people who don't wash their clothes for 3 weeks and wear ripped clothes?

Personally I don't really notice what people are wearing, I don't think it tells you much about a person. I think it's sensible to dress in a presentable way, as you'll give a better representation of yourself, but I personally wouldn't really care what people are wearing. If a person was obsessed with the latest fashions I might be more likely to keep clear as I'd assume I wouldn't have much in common with them.

[sygma]

Originally Posted by Amber Fyre

I don't really know what 'well dressed' and 'poorly dressed' means to be honest...

By 'poorly dressed' do you mean people who don't follow the latest fashions, or people who don't wash their clothes for 3 weeks and wear ripped clothes?

Personally I don't really notice what people are wearing, I don't think it tells you much about a person. I think it's sensible to dress in a presentable way, as you'll give a better representation of yourself, but I personally wouldn't really care what people are wearing. If a person was obsessed with the latest fashions I might be more likely to keep clear as I'd assume I wouldn't have much in common with them.

I needed to clarify that better. By tidy I meant people who don't wash their clothes, wear ripped clothes and its clear they haven't tried. And this is only if I found out that they can easily afford it, are not broke or have any other problems. I would gently advise them and if they still ignore it, its best for their own good if people don't be friends with them and they get the message.

I only judge people when I find I don't connect with them at all. I'm talking about the sort of people I would just invite to a game of footy. Assuming all other things including personality are similar. By well dressed I dont mean the latest fashion trends at all, just someone who looks like they've atleast tried. I clearly get invited a lot more by casual friends when I'm better dressed than when I'm not, so it seems reasonable to me. The only problem I have is when people are reluctant or embarrassed to talk to someone poorly dressed which I dont agree with as I'll always talk to anyone anywhere.

[sygma]

Originally Posted by DownButNotOut

I understand how easy it is to judge people by how they dress. I was always told that people who dress smartly and take pride in their appearance are better people.

My real world experience doesn't back that up. I have met people who dress almost like tramps but have been some of the nicest and intelligent people I have every known. I have also met people who dress smartly and have been very nasty and shallow.

I think you have to give people a chance, no matter what they look like, and get to know them.

Yes I would even befriend someone that was a tramp any day if I found I had something in common with them. But if I didn't at all, I wouldn't try and make them a casual friend.

[sygma]

Originally Posted by MLP James

My parents always told me that I should be presentable, and they stressed this point far more than being polite, kind, or friendly. I've always wondered why it was so important that others were pleased with the way I looked. I think my mother is always more concerned about being embarrassed of me than anything else.

I don't think it's a bad thing to care about how you look, but no-one should be judged for something like that. It's not really fair to think badly of someone just because you have higher standards than them, some people just don't care that much, and that's fine.

What exactly is 'presentable' anyway? Am I supposed to wear a tuxedo? Just having clean clothes is enough for me.

Totally agree with what you're saying, I would never think badly or even think at all of the appearance of people. Some of my best friends put no effort into how they look. But if I were to try and make the best of a bad situation (people I have nothing in common with), it would make sense to go with someone who isn't scruffy?

[hollowone]

Yes, to judge on the way someone dresses alone without meeting someone halfway is very shallow.

Although someone dressing well maybe more attractive and, although not dressing well may not give the best impression of someone, may not raise your expectations of someone very much but still, that's no excuse to completely write someone off completely.

For me, it depends on the demeanour and general approachability, though the way someone dresses does affect my expectations, and can also carry certain connotations. These are more important. I wouldn't

The only problem I have is when people are reluctant or embarrassed to talk to someone poorly dressed which I dont agree with as I'll always talk to anyone anywhere.

I agree, that appears pretty shallow on the surface. Maybe for people like that it's their pride and ego? Have you asked why to any such people concerned? Do you think that such people would be afraid to answer for fear of appearing shallow?

[Raunioilla]

We should all save our shallow sartorial judging tendencies for Eurovision on Saturday!

[sygma]

Originally Posted by buttonlane

Maybe you just have high standards and rules that you adhere to. Its natural to judge people by your standards, we all do it. It's good that you have become conscious of it, because you can catch yourself in the act. Often we think the world should conform to our rules and standards. Thats not always a healthy way to think.

I live in Chavs ville. I sometimes find myself judging people but I catch myself doing it now. Being judgemental is natural, its what we do to keep safe. Especially if you have SA. You don't want to be that person who looks down on everyone though. Much like you dont want to be that person who constantly criticises and judges yourself.

Sometimes you just have to accept thats who the person is and its where there at in their life at the moment. How you dress and present yourself to the world can say alot about you, but it doesnt say everything. Being judgemental about people you dont know takes up alot of head room, we have a habit of projecting our life frustrations onto people, making others scapegoat for things we don't like about ourselves.

Great post. This is exactly why I made this thread, its good to analyse my thoughts and get people's views as I want to do the right thing, rather than just not be a hypocrite.

I think its natural and in fact advisable to notice what people are wearing as well to keep safe. Not judge but just notice. You're not a bad person if you notice but think nothing of it. People on the other hand will judge every aspect of you, especially your SA. I know this is an SA site and I might be likely to have a misguided sense of being judged but unlike a lot of people on this site, my SA developed as I wasn't aware of the ways in which I was being judged. I agree, I should never be a judgemental **** though.

[sygma]

Originally Posted by ßazza

However society spins one way so imo its not really shallow to follow certain customs to better fit in on occasion. I dont consider it wrong to be attracted to people or show appreciation, its human nature. I also have no issue being attractive, through by extension what I am wearing to present myself. Just keep conscious of your feelings and be aware of whats going on in your mind when feeling better dressed (emphasis on the word 'better' as a whole.) than someone else. Great deal of the time people miss the point completely because they think they have more monetary worth/look better/more attractive. Its a limiting perception imo. Most certainly ignorant.

End day people use clothes and how they dress to manipulate the perceptions of other people who hold merit to such things. (Something people are very eagerly willing to be fooled by.) Be cautious to that too. Be open minded to those who cant afford such clothes who may actually have more to offer, be conversation, personality, friendship, etc.

You've hit the nail on the head. I only notice what people are wearing without judging. Then if I find I have nothing in common with them or that they might secretly be judging me, and there is a certain situation that demands it - I'll see how well they're dressed. Not too well or else like people said or they're likely to be up their own arse.

What do I mean by certain situations? If I had two acquaintances who I sense may not be particularly tolerant of my SA (most people in the world) but as you said - have been fooled into befriending me because of my appearance. If I needed one more person to join me for football or clubbing with other mates, I will pick the one that generally (appears to) act friendlier towards me and is better dressed... as surely that reflects better on me? Both have a shite personality anyway and both football and clubbing don't involve getting to know people well. Or would people suggest not inviting either of those? I would do that in an ideal world but I need fake friends in this one unfortunately.

[sygma]

Originally Posted by nineofswords

no that doesn't bother me at all. i've met people with a reasonable income, more than what I get and that are dressed in a similar way to what a hippy would dress, or a punk, or buy their clothes from charity shops, they don't feel the need to be tidy as such but they are still good people. I wouldn't advise them to change or for people to not befriend them , its justg
their outlook on life and I don't see anything wrong with it if they are doing no one harm.

by all means commend and compliment people when they've made an effort. but I wouldn't say exclude them if they haven't. I think for many of us sa'ers we worry more about what we look like and how we are presented than what another person perceives about our appearance. i've noticed its a common thing from reading social anxiety boards, we have own personal standards on appearance which can sometimes differ to what we mind in others. a lot of us are not bothered by how other people dress or maintain themselves yet when we neglect our own appearance we can be a little critical of ourselves.

Yes, they're definitely good people and actually I stand corrected on the point of them having to change or people not befriending them. I wouldn't mind what people wore so long as they weren't smelling. If they were, then I would respect them as people and talk to them but not want to hang out with them.